Linden High School - Cynosure Yearbook (Linden, NJ)

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r Class Statistics Freshmen! Sophomoresl juniors! These statistics have been especially compiled so that you may know the achievements and abilities of the present Seniors and despair or aspire, et cetera. Now go on with the story. In the first place we are a class of great wisdom and inventive genius who apply our abilities for the good of mankind, for ex- ample: In physics laboratory the other day one of our more or less bright lights con- ceived the idea that if school- clocks were made to do work in addition to passing time away, a tremendous amount of energy could be transformed into useful work. He dis- covered that an ordinary school clock does 1,777,999,486,532,779 dynes of work every thirty-seven days, and that the combined force of all the clocks in the school accom- plishes 999,876,475,7S4,365,922,432,954,641 dynes of work each year. He further showed that this amount of energy could be made to run automatic exercises in the gym- nasium and thus prevent the over exertion of the students during physical training period. We are not certain to what extent this principle may be applied, but we have been assured by The Board of Education that it will supplant the five minute period of physical training after lunch during the next session. VV e modestly await your applause. It is also indirectly to our credit that the new system of marking, one of the greatest conservation measures of a lifetime, was put into effect. Statistics show that since the students have been receiving their report cards twice every three months instead of every month, failures have been reduced by one-third. Certain Seniors claim to receive four F's less every three months. This, as you will readily see, saves large quantities of red ink and teachers, energy as well as of parents, slipper leather. We are, be it known, full of knowledge and understanding. If the thoughts of one of our class were accumulated and placed in b0oks,they would Hll 1,403 volumes of 17,000 pages each. That is, 179,S76,543,264,987,- 910,516 of our valuable thoughts are going to waste each year through the lack of an instrument capable of recording the thoughts of an individual at all times. Were it pos- sible to compile these thoughts, they would no doubt furnish a library dry enough to cause the evaporation of all the Great Lakes and the Rahway River. If the class were pl'aced on a huge scale, it would take two steam engines and a motorcycle to balance us. But if, by chance, Mike Petraitis fell off, only two steam en- gines would be necessary to counter-balance us. Yes, this class has athletic prowess, too. The famed Swede Gibbert has been known to reach the cafeteria from room 203 in five seconds. Bring on your Paddock! Let us bring to your notice that as June approaches there has been an increase in the supply of tear gas prepared in our chemical laboratories. It is interesting to note that 9,467,453,742 cubic feet of tear gas have been made from tears shed since last Sep- tember. Our chemists have discovered a simple formula for preparing this gas. Clj 3 red F's plus 1 angry parent fcat- alytic -agent -quickens -the -actionj - .9643l pints of tears. C21 .9643l pints of tears plus 1 debate Cplenty of hot airj-7.456 cubic feet of tear gas. Wesley Ainge and Margaret Molson have given a generous supply of debates, others of the class have supplied the other neces- sary materials. Be it further known that our class is potentially one of the wealthiest in the uni- verse. According to statistics we make approximate-ly twenty dollars for every day we attend school. Then, considering the ex- tra classes and afternoon sessions as time and a half, and the extra terms as double time, this class is worth 32,36l,936g and since every mother's son of us Cgirls, tool is worth a milllion dollars, our wealth is 347,361,936 For further information re- garding this, see Philip Dobson. Books and books have been written re- garding this class, and doubtless more will be written. The shelves of our new library are groaning under the strain of the huge volumes of statistics of the Seniors of '27, Those who seek to find the truth of these statistics, we refer to the school library, volume 177, page 166, section D, paragraph X, entitled An Apology for the Hopelessly Exaggerated Statistics of the Class of '27. KENNETH CARKHUFF, ,27.

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prowess to Jack Davidson. Hope you live through it, Red. His ability as a lexicographer Shaky Carkhuff leaves to Louis Glick. Willie Weisbrot leaves his wavy and well groomed hair to Joe Reisch. Don't be bashful with the iron, Joe. Her Virgilian laurels Anna Kalugin proudly bestows upon Tillie Budres. -Iarossy leaves his football medals to Jim Budrecki. Every little bit helps, Jim. Here is another offer for you, Bill Berry, if you won't accept Art's silent nature, Celia Siegel offers you hers. Emma Witfill leaves her various typing awards to Frances Schecter. We hope you won't try to wear them all at once, Frances. To Eleanor Mackey is bequeathed Rae Weinstein's ladylike manner. Anna Smiles falls heir to Molly Krav- etsky's high heels. The style is there, but we're not so sure about their comfort. Jack Dragon, the village butcher, leaves his slicing ability to Covalence. We hope you won't use it while playing golf, Paul. Bud,' Scott bestows his French laurels upon Irene Molson. To Madeline Page Anna Schuler leaves her graduation dress. Make the most of it, Madeline. Speaking of making the most of it, Ed Murawski is thinking of leaving his basket- ball suit to' Harold Whitman. Perhaps the trunks will make a nice pair of plus-fours for him. Lillian Smith is to become the proud pos- sessor of Lydia Covalence's blushing coun- tenance. Honest, Lillian, it's natural. Very willingly Julius Goldsmith bestows upon Jack Powers his easy How of historical facts. Mary Dobson is the recipient of Mary Beviano's marvelous ad-gathering ability. Elin Rosander's shyness is bestowed upon Edith Hudak. You will have to settle down, Edith. We, the class of 1927, do hereby acknowl- edge the above bequests, general and specific, as our last will and testament as drawn up and witnessed by the undersigned on this twenty-fourth day of March, 1927. Signed: SoLoN TUCKER, ESQ. HAVAPILL BREWSTER, M.D. ,l,li..-l- The Challenge Senior, come, I beckon! All men I summon, not all answer. To youth, who knows not despair, I seem as that which, long awaited, Makes its wonted appearance. Mistake not thou, O Senior, but haste, Stand ready to follow me. In years to come he who knew me not Will rue. But I shall not forsake him. Ever lurking silently, patient, In the dimness of the misty future Which o'erveil's the world in fog, I, With brilliant rays of Phoebus' strength, That mist do penetrate, disperse the ugly clouds, Come shining into life's dark chamber, And restore the cheery light of morn. But, thou, welcome me as now I call. Stand ready for thy task, heed thou my summons, When again I speak, thou mayst not hear. Senior, come, I beckon, I, whom happy men call Opportunity! IVIARGARET MoLsoN, '27,

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The '27 Circus IGHT this way for Ainge's famous l927 circus, greatest show of the season! See the world-renowned pie jug- glers, Red and Bud'l, keep a dozen lemon merangue pies in the air at once, and Kalugin and Gutkin dive gracefully from a height of a hundred feet into a bucket of water. Don't let the kiddies miss the most human monkeys in captivity, familiarly known as jarossy and VVeisbrot. Through the skill of their marvelous trainer, Molson, they walk and talk and almost think like human beings. Close to their cage you will find Phil, the gentle chimpanzee, and Gibbert, the missing link, marvelously discovered in the wilds of jersey City, through the daring adventure of that great scientist, Doctor Shapiro. He also found for us Nolan, the fire eater, who chews up live coals, and swal- lows flames. And ladies, don't fail to in- terview Princess jacob, world-renowned phrenologist, and reader of horoscopes. She can tell you how to win a husband for your- self, and also how to keep him. Come, all you pessimists, all you gloom chasers, here you'll laugh for it! Arthur and jack, funniest pair of clowns since Adam, could draw iron tears down Pluto's cheeks. And Professor Berger's company of trained Heas is warranted to make all forget rent-day, and the cost of frogs' legs. Emma and Anna, most skillful of the com- pany, will dance to the airy music of Lilli- putian Hutes, played by the midgets, De- Winter and Beviano. Step to the right, please, no crowding, there's room for everybody! Be careful there, boy, don't stick that pin in Celia's balloons. She makes her living by them! Look out, sir, you're crowding Charlie's pea- nut basketg buy a bag from the lad. Get a cool drink of pink lemonade, made by Lydia and Irene's own secret receipt. Pat- ronize the ladies! But watch your pocket- booksg detectives have just phoned that the very clever pickpocket, Goldsmith, has been seen disguised as a Happer, and is headed this way. Two-thirty, ladies and gentlemen: big show just beginning! See the trapeze ar- tists, lithel and Harrv, do their stunts, and the' living skeleton, trip the light fan- tastic with Hurley, the lady of five hundred pounds. Next, Stead, the famous woman sword swallower will perform her feat. But be very quiet during her exhibition, as she's a bit sharp at times. After this, the bareback rider, Schonfeld, will dance daintily on the hack of her noble horse to the gypsy music of tambourines, played by Tessie, who will also give a pleas- ing number of her own. Aha! Yonder Babba ab Dabba, India's great elephant trainer, known when off duty as Monico, rides rapidly on the head of the powerful Michael, his very intelligent ele- phant. Following him come Carkhutf, the man of mighty strength, whose very words have power to crush, and the Siamese twins, Kathryn and Molly. CI-Ieavens, Kathryn is far ahead! The audience will discover their trickery! What can be wrong? The lio-U Ladies and gentlemen, we must advise you to look for your nearest exit and run, not walkg the lions have broken lbose! That streak of dust-in the distance hides the much sought after Sir Peter Ezayuk, famous London banker, who has been recently pur- suing with us his hobby of lion taming. Per- haps he was a bit amateurish for our great beasts, don't cha know. At any rate Sid and Vidi are now playfully chasing their erstwhile master. See, Princess Rosander, the snake charmer. in her excitement, has upset her cage of deadly reptiles. Flee for your lives, but don't forget to buy a hot dog as you race bv the Squier and Rogers' Snappy Sandwich Stand. And one moment, ladies and gentlemen: don't forget to bring your friends to our evening performance! Come one and all to the safe and insane Ainge Show, great- est show on earth! The Barkers-Rebecca Hirschman '27, 3 Rae VVeinstein 27.