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Page 28 text:
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KUNTZ. — A systematic flunker. Uses the pocket editions of all the university text-books. LANGSTON BROTHERS.— Second edition of the Siamese twins— never separated except when one is later than the other. LINDERMAN. — An expert animal trainer — makes a specialty of pro- fessors. Flunks more and gets fewer zeros than any other man in college. MEHAFFEY. — Positively inoffensive. Can be taken in large doses with impunity. Has a smile for everybody. MERKLE. — Villainously vociferous. Voice decidedly nasal in timbre, MORFORD. — Disciple of Orpheus — consequently sings orpherly. MORROW. — Prince of Bums. Gets full on the slightest provocation. MYERS. — Short and sweet. Has a sawed-off appearance. Takes after his grandmother. NUNCIO. — Child of the tropics. Somewhat tropical in his affections. PACKARD.— Small but ba-a-ad ; in fact, totally depraved. Devoted to bicycling and the fair (?) sex. RADFORD. — Just too sweet for anything — yes, anything. Exiled from Lafayette. REEVES. — A modest youth in curl-papers. Struggles manfully with his lessons. SEMPLE. — A wonderful automaton, always in order. Any one wishing to hear a good recitation can do so by simply touching the spring. SMITH. — A typical Yankee. First cousin to the wooden-nutmeg machine — a fraud, in short. STEWART, M. — Blase ; eccentric ; will probably become wiser as he grows older. An enthusiastic admirer of Freshies. STEWART, R. — Very deep young man. Flunks gracefully. Fresh- men are cautioned not to mistake him for Ms namesake. WALKER.— A very small boy with a very large brain. Always ready to officiate when public bodies are to be addressed on momentous occasions. WATSON.— A plug-ugly from Baltimore. Thinks he ' s pretty. Would like to be wicked, but doesn ' t quite dare to. 26
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Page 27 text:
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Our Descriptive Catalogue. ALLEN. — A real wooden man. Never ponies, and consequently never gets ten. Was never known to laugh. Warranted kind and inoffensive. AUCHMUTY. — Ambitious youth. Smokes, drinks (and p— k — s). Hangs fire badly at recitations. COOKE. — Needs no description. May be seen every afternoon eitht r promenading Main Street or trying to mash the Sem. DOUGLAS. — Der Wilkes Barre Lowe. A reformed Mollie Maguire. Should not be taken regularly as a beverage by Freshies. ENGLEBERT. — An infinitesimal imp. Not symmetrical with respect to either axis, but extending indefinitely in all directions. FOCHT. — It was the schooner Hesperus that sailed the wintry sea. FOOTE. — Cruel — evaporates mice. Greedy — monopolizes H,S. B Never goes back on the Epitomb. GODSHALL. — Guileless? graceful? masher? Loves to wault. Capa- city for dime literature unlimited. HAINES. — A regular carpet-bagger. Occasionally seen at recitations. HARPER. — A black-haired son of the coal regions. Accomplished in the art of ear-wagging, and manipulating chemical apparatus. HILLEGASS. — Facetious wretch. Gets off the vilest puns, you know, and deals in jugglery . HOFFORD. — Somewhat paradoxical — he hates German and loves Dutch (girls). A persistent, though ill-fated, cribber. JARDINE. — Generally found in the laboratory, surrounded by five or six dozen beakers. Takes his whiskey with tar in it, and calls it cough medicine. KELLOGG.— Reminds one of Mary ' s little lamb — innocent and gentle — and then the snow-white fleece on either cheek. KERR. — Is wound up for the course, and only stops to sleep (sleeps about eighteen hours daily). A slight disturbance once set it off in the night, and it alarmed the whole town yelling ' Eiyhtv-four! 25
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