Katherine Delmar Burke School - Works and Days Yearbook (San Francisco, CA)

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WORKS AND DAYS Any Port in a Storm ILLIAM stepped softly across the creaking board in the upper hall, and opened his sister's door with a modicum of noise. True, the whole family were aiding and abbetting his proj- ect, but there was no reason why Mamie should know of x his fall from manliness. It was all his mother's fault anyhow. had more consideration than to have fried fish, the most odoriferous dish of his acquaintance, for dinner. In the subdued light of his sister's room he felt his way towards her dresser. He felt around, and his fingers closed on the little cut-glass vial he sought. Llodeur du Sphinx. The name was good anyhow, Sphinxes were always possessed of a certain awe inspiring grandeur. It was just what he needed. He sprayed it liberally over his coat front, where it mingled belligerently with the odors of gasoline and the all too present fried fish. He retraced his steps silently, and reached his own room. He looked at himself complacently in the glass, and ran his hand over the shining abund- ance of his Well bandolined hair. The bandoline came off on his hand in sticky streaks, and he had to wash it again. While in the bathroom his eye lighted on the shaving mirror which he unhooked from its shelf and carried into his room, where, by dint of careful craning he managed to see the smooth red streak of the back of his neck with the sudden line of thick hair, Cut real tasty, as the barber had assured him. It was a beautiful sight, and in his deep appreciation he sneezed. That was his curse. Where normal people laugh or cried or became furious as the occasion demanded, William had but one means of expressing himself, and it was impossible to forestall it. He always sneezed loudly and completely. When he was born into this world of toil and trouble instead of omitting the weak, querilous wail that is baby etiquette, he sneezed. A thin, reed like sneeze, but still the genuine article. And it had always lasted. He had never outgrown this afHiction. He felt through all his pockets to see that he had the required articles with which to face this ordeal, and assuring himself of the fact he turned down the gas to a mere blue glimmer, and went down stairs. His mother came out from the kitchen door and looked him over appraisingly. Then her voice broke in high and plaintive: 'KNow William, if you feel that sneeze comin,' just put yer hank'cher up to your nose and press hard, up. It ought to stop. William nodded, and went out of the door. The street was dark, so all the way to Thelma's house he practiced so much with a mirror that he knew by the feel of his muscles that he was registering the proper emotions. He felt again of the handkerchief in his breast pocket, and settled his white mi lf' ' . ,. 715' ' af. She, realizing the gravity of the situation, really should have I '

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Miss BURKE's scHooL wash necktie, and mounted the steps of the Helwig residence. He felt a sneeze coming, remembered his mother's instructions, and put them to use. There was a moment of agony, and then the sneeze subsided, vanquished. Victory! He rang the bell, and Pa Helwig answered in carpet slippers and no coat. He heaved a sigh and motioned William into the musty, close, cold front parlor. Then he went to the foot of the stairs and called his eldest daughter. There was no answer, but William knew that was because Thelma didn't think calling genteel. She had heard, and she would come with the usual Why, Mr. Pedersen, this is a surprise, though William appeared regularly as the clock every Saturday night. He hoped she wouldn't have on the stiffly starched open work blouse. He had touched it one night, and in the process of sneezing from the thrill had decided that it was not con- ducive to caresses. He ran his finger around the edge of his collar, breathed heavily and sat on the edge of his plush chair. Steps were heard coming through the upper hall, and in a moment Thelma made her entrance. She too, had been practicing, and she knew that her efforts had not been in vain, for in the cloudy mirror over the mantel she saw that she looked and spoke like her model, Eugenia Van Tassel, of the Always Good Film Company. William looked her over, planning general-like his campaign. She didn't have on the starched waist. Her dress was soft and clinging, but-oh, Cruel Fates, protruding from her elaborate coiffure on the left side was an ornate rhinestone embellished comb, resembling nothing so much as a large Neptune's trident, stuck in by the handle. It struck terror to William's very soul. What was he to do? For weeks he had been practicing in the sewing room at home, embracing his mother's pneumatic dress form in the way that Claude Throckmorten did on the movie screen. He had pumped the dress form full of air, and addressed his impassioned utterances to her, and then he had taken her, sweetly resisting in his arms, and finally, after wooing her ardently, had pulled the string which he held between his teeth, thus opening the valve, and the lady sank unresisting into his embrace, as a shy, but capitulating maiden should. So far, so good. But William had only practiced one way, with the lady's head on his right shoulder, and here was Thelma, with a comb in her hair that absolutely prevented her head from sinking down upon anything, unless approached from the other side, and William couldn't reverse his activities so quickly. They sat on the sofa and conversed. William's contributions were a little incoherent, due to his pre-occupation, but it was no more difiicult than usual, and finally, when as a last resort Thelma rose to get the Album, William rose also, and handkerchief in hand in preparation, he put himself between Thelma and the table, and began his carefully prepared speech. All went well. Thelma blushed, looked down, played with the fringe on the table cover, and William proceeded with only sight pauses for ministrations f29l