Hayden High School - Tiger Yearbook (Hayden, CO)

 - Class of 1983

Page 33 of 152

 

Hayden High School - Tiger Yearbook (Hayden, CO) online collection, 1983 Edition, Page 33 of 152
Page 33 of 152



Hayden High School - Tiger Yearbook (Hayden, CO) online collection, 1983 Edition, Page 32
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Page 33 text:

Senior Prophecy During the graduation of 1983, the senior class was mysteriously teleported into a time warp. In hopes of helping the lost seniors. Dr. Shaw created a time machine. With thanks to Cook Kirk (whose homemade brownies fueled the machine), Dr. Shaw departed on his journey. As the Machine came to a halt, he found himself outside a cave in 1700 B.C. On his monitor, he observed, to his astonishment, a pack of wild Neanderthat beast men emerging from a cave. First to come out was their leader, an inhuman-like creature, Monty Fredrickson. He dragged his mate, Roxy lames, close behind. Following their leader were four more ape people: the great hunter Danny Dimmick, Val Williams with her pet lizard, and farther behind, standing by a mysteriously looking bush, was Kammey Whitaker who fired up what was apparently the world's first peace pipe. Meanwhile, Scott Hicks painted a Tyrannosaurus Rex on the cave wall. Certainly there was no hope for these seniors and probably none of the others, but Dr. Shaw would not give up his search. Moving forward in time, Dr. Shaw came to rest on a great coliseum; the year was 150 A.D. Down in the arena, he observed a pack of ferocious lions waiting for their meal. Their meal was two Christians: the Holy Mike Coziahr and Father Steve Vair, who were being thrown into the arena by the mighty gladiator, lay Hayes. While pigging out on grapes, the Emperor Yancy Earle watched this gruesome performance. To his side sat the beautiful Empress Sheila Lewis and the king's trusty philosopher, David Aristotle Lindsay. Fanning the royalty with a huge palm leaf was the sly and mischievous servant, Selina Walker. To spare himself from the sight of this dreadful act, the Doctor zoomed forward in time. The next stop was Tombstone, Arizona, 1870 A.D. Dr. Shaw found himself on a backstreet of an old western town. He could hear a disturbance in a nearby building and decided to get out of his time machine to check it out. While walking around to the front of the building, he saw that it was a saloon: Ford's Mercantile and Saloon. Inside, the ruckus was being caused by Sheriff Jeff Bricker who was trying to apprehend quick-draw Carl Dorrell. Quick- draw had already gunned down three rats and a whiskey bottle. In the corner of the bar, Father Todd Dubois gave the dead rats their last rites. Ignoring the raging battle, the saloon girls, Airhead'' Angie Halloway, Dingy” Donna McDowell and Loony Lisa Scheib waited on Larry Booco, a cowboy from out of town. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, came Buffalo Betty |o Fagg on her Moped called Flame. These incredible sights scared the professor in- to leaving immediately. He re-emerged in the town of Hayden, on Friday the 13th, 1988. The streets were as desolate as usual, but something was wrong. In the gutter he saw an old newspaper, the headline read: Tom Parkin escapes from Hayden Mental Ward. The article went on to talk about the recent attacks on several town residents. First was Zanny Zable (Troy), Hayden's hairstylist who was apprehended with a can of Alberto V05. The School's P.E. teacher, Kristy Copeland had a narrow escape from being smothered by her students' dirty socks. Evil Knivel (Der- ron Shook) suffered minor injuries after an explosion, due to pomegranate Koolaid in his gas tank. While leaving for a high school wrestling match, Mike Fredrickson suffered acute fumigation from his car. The worst incident of all was Debbie Williams who was suffocated by a cream-filled Hostess Twinkie. Fortunately, the madman was taken into custody before he could bring harm to Judy Hayes. Saddened, but not discouraged, the Doctor leaped for- ward in time. Landing on a planet in the year 2525, he could see a battle going on between Z-Man, alias Darren Zehner, and Captain Curk Dunckley who was assisted by his companions in crime, Greedy Green (Tina) and Evil Earl (Tammy). Observing from a window of a 25-story building was Rhonda Lois Lane” Hockett. Meanwhile, another battle was being fought in a nearby alley. Wino Williams (Mike) was fighting with a local garbage collector (Scott Blomquist), over scraps from the hotdog factory. Finally, discouraged about his failure to return the class of 83, Dr. Shaw returned home. 29

Page 32 text:

Last Will and Testament I, Scott Blomquist, will my blocking ability to Jesse Brazelton in hopes he'll be coordinated enough to use it. I, Larry Booco, will my ability to stay out of trouble to Bill Moon. I, Jeff Bricker, will my brown hair to Shane Gilmore so people won't laugh at him for the rest of his life. I, Kristy Copeland, will all my tape recorded lectures of Mr. Chapman's physics class to anyone who has trouble fall- ing asleep at night. I, Mike Coziahr, will my enthusiasm to managers in all sports in hopes they use it like Carl and I did. I, Danny Dimmick, will if I'm paid. I, Carl Dorrell, will my brain to science in hopes they can find what's wrong with it. I, Todd DuBois, will my ability to argue to Shane Isenbarger. I, Tammy Earle, will my ability to act like a normal human being to Kevin and Kent. I, Yancy Earle, will if I'm paid. I, Betty Fagg, will my bench warming ability to Vickie Meacham in Volleyball. I, Mike Ford, will my ability to not get killed in D D to Mike Cozichr so he won't get killed twice a night. I, Mike Fredrickson, will my ability to drive to Mr. Smith. I, Tina Green, will Lorrae Camilletti my legs because she asked me to. I, Judy Hayes, will my car (Herbie) to Suzanne Hockett in hopes that it will keep her on the road. I, Doug Hays, will my height to Dana Posey and my ability to be a pest to anyone who thinks they can handle it. I, Scott Hicks, will my ability to stay out of trouble during typing to Lewis Fredrickson. I, Rhonda Hockett, will my height to Alice Monroe so that next year in volleyball, she can block anything. I, Roxy James, will my air head to Jannie Kitchens so she'll have two. I, David Lindsay, will to Shane Isenbarger my collection of Indiana State shirts and enough height to keep them from dragging on the ground. I, Milburn Markle, will not do today what I can put off until tomorrow. I, Tom Parkin, will my ability to survive in a big city to all the people who are ready to split this town. I, Steve Vair, will my magic trumpet to Wayne Deluca so he can play and talk at the same time. I, Kammey Whitaker, will big D my four wheel drive so he won't get stuck in little mud puddles. I, Lisa Scheib, will my legs to anyone who has to walk to school next year. I, Derron Schook, will my ability to get a dark suntan to Troy Whitham. I, Selina Walker, will my chicano power to Miss Mader. I, Debbie Williams, will some brains to all the dumb blonds so they will have a chance in life. I, Mike Williams, will my ability to breaking arms to Jeff Boyle so maybe it won't happen to him again. I, Valorie Williams, will all my purple to Lorrae Camilletti in case she runs out. I, Troy Zabel, will my ability to be late getting home and not worrying about it to Steve Vair. I, Darren Zehner, will my pickup to Coach Janes so he'll be able to get around. 28

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