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Page 24 text:
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Aj03 - plastic surgery couldn't fix them before our movie so we checked them off our list. Before we turned the TV off we noticed another sponser of ours on a commercial. There dressed as a tomato was MR HECK. We had found out that after a Halloween party our Senior year he was signed by Hunts Vegetables to do tomato com- mercials. We checked him off our list because he might be a little fruity. We then turned the set off and went to sleep. The next morning we found out that the rest of our class no longer lives in Hayden, so we went in search. Our first stop was Las Vegas where we learned tht TIM BARNES and STEVE TEAL were co-owners in the biggest adult magazine store. We found them and asked them if they would like to be in our movie. The two playboy bachelors replied, 1 'Only if it is X-rated.'' Checking them off our list we headed out for our next stop, Chicago. In Chicago we had to do alot of searching to find the head of the Mafia ' 'Dirty Sally'', alias MRS MORTON. When we came upon her, someone came running to us. It was BEVERLY STARK, Dirty Sally's personal body guard. While visiting with Dirty Sally, a few of her guys came in after doing a job. They were DOUG DOOLIN and CHRIS PERRIN. Knowing that if we brought them back to Hollywood with us we probably would get robbed, we didn't even bring the movie topic up and went safely on our way to Mexico. Reaching the border between the U.S. and Mexico, we were stopped by the Mexican police. When our car was searched, we asked what the reason was. They told us about two girls who were smuggling turquoise across the border. We asked them their names and they replied Donna and Deann'', right away we realized that the girls were DONNA KELLEY and DEANN LOVATO. If the two girls came across the border we know that they would be caught, so we scratched their names off. Traveling south we hit the cattle ranch in southern Brazil. There we found KEN WHITE, MIKE BUNN, JUSTIN S1DWELL, and JEFF SALAZAR posing as cowpokes. We were invited in for coffee where we met up with CHERYL BLOMQUIST. Cheryl had been their cook, supervisor and mother ever since the cattle ranch started. The ranch was just in their peak of business, and no one could get free, so we went on our way. We next traveled straight across to China where we had to climb Mt. Everest. There we found our fourth and last sponser MR UNRUH. He was the latest Guru. We were pretty much out of air when we reached the top, so we only stayed for a short while. When we asked him about the movie he replied, ' 'Confusious says man who goes for stars, ends up seeing stars.'' After the trip to China we went looking for a classmate who was an oil tycoon with a harem. Reaching our destiny we weren't surprised to find ROCKY BOWDISH with LINDA HAYS as head of the harem. Joining Linda in the harem were MAR- GARET KITCHENS, VICKIE ARCHELETA, TERESA JACKSON, and ANNETTE LANKER. Rocky stated that he was wanted in the U.S. for bigamy and so he and the girls couldn't join us back in the States. Moving onto Paris we stopped in a famous clothing shop owned by KAREN STEELE and LYN SCOTT. Going inside we found that JACQUE PL1LER was one of their sales ladies. The queen of England was due in to do her shopping during our filming so none of the three could make it. We moved on to familiar surroundings, not that we had been in Holland before, but we sure had been in the Dutch Mill alot. Yes there was a Chain of Dutch Mills around the world, but BECKY BARNES and MELANIE BARNES preferred to set the headquarters up in Holland. We weren't surprised to find that Becky took over the old Mill in Hayden and had asked Melanie to go in on it with her. They said that they never could find anyone to take care of the business so they turned us down. We went onto Finland in search of a nut house. Not for us, but for CATHY WILLIAMS and SUZZI HICKS. We found that Cathy was the head nurse at the asylum, Suzzi was the recreational director and she sometimes told some of her jokes (no wonder the guys are crazy). When we reached their room we saw RANDY BACKES. Randy made sure that we knew that he was faking his illness because of the love he had for one of the nurses. As for CHESTER HINKLE (who was also there) well nobody knows. These three, excluding Chester, were our last hope but when they turned us down we decided to stay for a little treatment ourselves. Nobody said we didn't deserve it! -wlu, [js xlodt- 20
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Page 23 text:
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Mas' a £VVA The year is 1989 and Paramount Pictures had just bought the exclusive rights to the production of multi-million dollar film, ' 'What Ever Happened to the Class of '1979'. For this film they have called upon the two best talent scouts in the business, KELLY COPELAND and RHONDA SMITH, to seek out an appropriate a cast. Reading the script brings back high school memories. This motivates them to go in search of their old classmates of Hay- den High, with hopes of making some of them Hollywood stars. They kept good, good records of their classmates' names and addresses, and this is how they got started. Upon arriving at the airport our luggage was checked by three suspicious-looking narcotic agents, BILL BENNETT, ED DOOL1N, and MONTY DOOL1N. When we asked them if they would like to become stars, they all casually replied, Hey, Man, we're happy where we are! We quickly said, ' 'Farewell'' and boarded the plane where we were met by our stewardess, TAMMY GREEN, saying, Coffee, Tea, or Me..JV.. Tammy turned our offer down for a part in the movie, because she was right in the middle of hooking onto the pilot, JOHN L1GHTNER. Cy We figured that since Tammy didn't take our offer we might as well not ask John, but we did run into the co-pilot RAN- DY BAUM and asked him. Randy always did like planes and we guessed he still really did because he turned us down, too! Seated in the plane we started watching the movie they had for us. It was a foreign film in which we recognised BRET CRANDBOUCHE. We later found that Bret made it big in foreign love films. We then decided that he was doing better than us, so we marked him off our list. Lounging around after the movie we had a cocktail and listened to the music they supplied for us. There playing bass gui- tar was KEVIN TAYLOR, lead singer was DAVID WYMAN, JACK MOORE on the drums, and accompanying them was BILL GRAHAM on the piano. Kevin was a good guitarist in high school, but the other three were never very good with notes. After listening to their performance we found that they didn't have it all together and decided that they weren't exactly what we were looking for. When we landed in Hayden we headed toward the old high school to seek out other classmates (since the class of '79' was notorius for always being at school). There in the library we noticed the school board in session. We peeked inside to see if anything had changed. We saw a sign that read ' 'President'' and behind the sign we saw LEE DOOLIN; seated next to him was CAROL MONTIETH. After conversing with the two we found that they were still good friends, but that they were so busy with school board and things that they didn't have time to be in a movie, so we headed down the hall. We stopped at the art room because of shouting and screaming within the room. Holding our ears we saw our Senior class President of '79', DONNA KUL1KOWSK1, screaming at the top of her lungs to get order in the room. This scene quickly re- minded us of our class meetings our Senior year. Amongst the group of women we saw PRICELLA ROGERS and TERESA HAUKOUS talking while Donna was screaming. We figured out that it was a P.T.S.A. meeting. Wisely we decided to not take part in this scene so we left. Relaxing back at the motel we turned on the radio in time for the ' 'Big Band Sounds of Willy Bill Grimes . Featured in the program with Mr. Grimes was solo clarinetist CONNIE DEATHERAGE. Figuring that Mr Grimes was too old to be in the movie and that Connie was probably on tour for several months, we scratched them off our list. After the radio program we turned on the TV to watch Monday Night Football. As NORMAN MOORE the sports anouncer, (who replaced Howard Cossell) introduced the players, we recognized the co-captains JIM HUFF and KELLY HAYES, the star running back JOE SKUFCA, and the quarterback ROBIN L1GHTH1ZER. Looking over the sidelines at their mascot 'The Hayden Hulk', we had a glimpse of BRENDA BOSK Hayden Hulk chee- leader. We watched the game to the slaughtering end, in which the Hulks won 103-6. The Hulks were so beat up that even t-
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