Haverford College - Record Yearbook (Haverford, PA)

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found the directors ' peepers were getting a little hazy. Couldn ' t see much you know. — So this old rascal he began to juggle the books around to suit himself and take a little pocket-money for trolley fares you know, and peanuts, and he told the boys never mind, he would tend to the investments. Well, you know, things went along smoothly enough for a year or two and then one day the final reckoning came. And then such a panic as there was around that sleepy old bank ! The directors ' peepers began to open and they put on their gold rimmed spectacles. Then the old Mr. President he remembered those sheckels he ' d been using for peanut money and just as soon as the sleepy direc- tors in their old checked trousers got awake, old Mr. President he picks up his slouch hat and says, good-bye boys. Now how was that for a nice bank president, respectable man, you know, — passed the collection plate on Sunday, — he stole all the loose ducats — fifty, sixty thousan ' and then said, Ex- cuse me, my time is up. That sly old fox had been feeding those sleepy directors fat cigars and toddy and was robbing the poor old-maids and lame farmers of their money. Pretty small potatoes! I call that pretty small potatoes ! Now, now, not quite so much noise on that back row. You know we must have a little order while the class is going on — just a little bit. I don ' t like to see so many of you back there. You know I told you last time to move up this way a little. I don ' t want you to be afraid of me. I won ' t hurt you, you know, and I ' m not so very fierce. You know when I was a boy, not so many hundred years ago — no not so mmiy — a long time this side of the flood. Yes, when I was a boy we all had to sit right up around the teacher and didn ' t have a chance to take any little naps — no siree. Well, that story I just told you reminds me of one about contemporaneous with it — contemporaneous — a pretty long word to use on a Friday isn ' t it? Well, I don ' t know, we mustn ' t tell too many stories must we? I wonder what our good president would say to so many stories. I guess we ' d better leave that one till next time — pretty good story of an old man back in the war — his old partner told me this. An old rascal he was too — great old fighter, but he had no more patriotism, no more patriotism than that old cow — not a bit. Well, now, we ' ll see about the next lesson and then I ' ll let you go. How much do you want to read for Tuesday? We are all too ambitious aren ' t we? hold on a minute here, how about that examination we must have before long? Why yes we ' ll have to have that Tuesday won ' t we? Well you come in Tuesday prepared to write and I ' ll have some questions for you over the last three chapters of this delightful book. You know I don ' t believe in these examinations but our good President, you 134

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iErminmtra U. iir ELL, let ' s see, how many of you were able to get out this morning? All here but Clarke, eh, well | he ' s a scoundrel isn ' t he? Yes, I think so. Well, let me see, suppose we have some cases this morning. Now Downing let ' s see if you can tell us something interesting — we all want to be inter- ested, you know, and we ' ii try to keep awake. [Downing gives an illustrative banking case with many hesitating and apologetic ah ' s between each big word.] Well now. Downing, do you think you understand that very intricate case? You tliink you do, eh, but you aren ' t so very sure — no I don ' t believe so. Well you haven ' t stated it so I can understand it anyway. You just read that over again and leave out a few of those complainants and defendants, indorsees and payees and so forth. Now for some more cases. Who has any more cases? Don ' t be too mode.st about putting up your hands. Haven ' t any of you read any cases? Well now you mustn ' t forget about these cases and next time Ijring in two or three. Now suppose we see what the book has to say. How many of you have read the book? Nobody read any of this delightful book by Bolles? Well now aren ' t you naughty boys? Don ' t you feel badly about it? Yes, I ' m sure you do. You know one of my boys a few years. ago said that my course was all right but I didn ' t make the boys work hard enough. We all want to have work enough, you know. Now I ' ll tell you a little about bank directors and presidents and some more intelligent people like that. I ' ll begin by telling you a story — you don ' t mind hearing a story do you — anything to keep awake during part of this sleepy hour. You know we all get sleepy, but if you can ' t keep awake or alnioKf awake why I ' ll excu.se you and you just go out and take a nap. Well, this story I was going to tell you is about an old friend or rather acquaintance of mine — fine looking old chap — great talker, but a little too fond of his toddy, — just a little too fond of his toddy. Well, this old fellow got to be president of the old American Bank. Used to be down here on Chestnut Street, broke up some years ago. He had things pretty much his own way, you know — we all like to be boss don ' t we? — and pretty .soon he 133

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know, he thinks I ' m too easy on you boys — don ' t work you hard enough — so we ' d better have an exam- ination next time. Now you come in and write all you know and hand in a neat paper, well written and you ' ll all get good grades — some of you a thousan ' — yes some of you a thousan ' . But I want you to write the full hour, you know, and I don ' t want to see anybody scootin ' out that door before the bell rings ! Now I ' ll let you go and you can all take naps where you ' ll be more comfortable. Dear Editor: A young lady friend of mine wrote me a letter to which she attached a special delivery stamp. What inferences shall I deduct from that circumstance ' ? Thanking you in advance, I remain, Yours, a Bashful Tristram, Charles Wadsworth, 3d. P. S. — The stamp was blue. The reply was: Although you do not expressly state it, you imply that the sentiments of the letter were such as would necessitate a speedy delivery lest they lose their freshness. Reply by tele- gram P. D. Q. C. 0. D. The blueness of the stamp was probably a delicately veiled reference to the lyric — Roses are red and violets blue, Sugar is sweet and so are you. 136