Haverford College - Record Yearbook (Haverford, PA)

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am a child of brown aborigines. Don ' t be too credulous, dear reader. This is a little off- color, and is to be interpreted mystically like Plato. Believe me, I knew his father and mother, and they run a dairy farm in New Jersey. But soft, what now. Then ho far a life Wiih an Indian wife Safe in the solemn waste Here we may run Soft in the sun Swifter than Amazons raced. Indian wife, what? With a wife like that we would have to be pretty far back in the solemn waste. A lovely spectacle she ' d make at an afternoon tea. Who would want to talk jargon to some old black-haired squaw? She would shy at an automobile, and she would not lave unless you threw her in. And then she would be apt to cut your whiskers off some night, or throw a tomahawk at the cat. As for me I ' ll spend my wampum on the girl with the snood. She might scorch the oatmeal for breakfast, but she could act like a lady at Delmonico ' s. An Indian wife may be all right for poetry, but as for me give me the kid that chews with me on the same stick of spearmint, and sings kind of soft like cuddle up a little closer. A meeting of The Heofordostor Club was held last evening. The purpose of the meeting was to talk as much and say as little as possible. Honorary member, Jas. A. Babbit, dosted to each mem- ber privately, patting him assuringly on the back, and addressing him as ole fellah. Dostor Hin- shaw meanwhile sprayed an excellent line of Dost in the atmosphere, and though the members appeared to believe everything he said, no one really listened. Chief Heofordostor Seller also attempted to make a speech, but Babbitt and Hinshaw retired, the former to run over to Atlantic City before supper, the latter to mould public opinion among Heofordost swallowers. President Schoepperle, Grand High Heofordostor and Founder of the Organization, tore off a little concentrated Heofordost to the empty seats, and elected A. G. H. Spiers and J. K. Patrick regular members of the Club. 132

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spelling: kissed but tha t doesn ' t make it any better. All we can say about this verse is Rotten! What would that girl with the pink snood think — and a Haverford man too. Breath from the pines Lightens the lines Smoothing out wrinkles of care Under our feet Breathe we the sweet Odor of mayHowers rare. We are certainly glad to get that breath from the pines, but it would have to be pretty strong to lighten the lines any. Smoothing out icrinkies of care is interesting. It shows how the author is getting worried. Don ' t worry, Cuthbert we are with you on this. Umhr our feet breathe we the sweet odor of May flowers rare. The inverted order proves that this must be visualized to be appreciated. We have stepped on some Mayflowers, and we have bent over to smell them under our feet. This is not a comfortable position to be in, but it is poetic. All art ought to be universal. Face we the lake Joy in the quake As winds through the tree tops wheeze Far in the wild I am a child Of brown aborigines. The dope on this verse is as follows. As we smelt the Mayflowers ' neath (poetic for beneath) our feet, we look between our legs and face the lake. That is how we get joy in the quake. We knew there would be an earthquake somewhere along in here. Quake is short for (luiver which rimes with shiver. Ak winds through the tree-tops wheeze. This is the summit of inspiration. Any common man like u. would slip the word sneeze in after a line like this. Did you ever hear the breeze wheeze through the trees? Take it from us, electric fans are a poor imitation of the beauties of nature. 131

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iErminmtra U. iir ELL, let ' s see, how many of you were able to get out this morning? All here but Clarke, eh, well | he ' s a scoundrel isn ' t he? Yes, I think so. Well, let me see, suppose we have some cases this morning. Now Downing let ' s see if you can tell us something interesting — we all want to be inter- ested, you know, and we ' ii try to keep awake. [Downing gives an illustrative banking case with many hesitating and apologetic ah ' s between each big word.] Well now. Downing, do you think you understand that very intricate case? You tliink you do, eh, but you aren ' t so very sure — no I don ' t believe so. Well you haven ' t stated it so I can understand it anyway. You just read that over again and leave out a few of those complainants and defendants, indorsees and payees and so forth. Now for some more cases. Who has any more cases? Don ' t be too mode.st about putting up your hands. Haven ' t any of you read any cases? Well now you mustn ' t forget about these cases and next time Ijring in two or three. Now suppose we see what the book has to say. How many of you have read the book? Nobody read any of this delightful book by Bolles? Well now aren ' t you naughty boys? Don ' t you feel badly about it? Yes, I ' m sure you do. You know one of my boys a few years. ago said that my course was all right but I didn ' t make the boys work hard enough. We all want to have work enough, you know. Now I ' ll tell you a little about bank directors and presidents and some more intelligent people like that. I ' ll begin by telling you a story — you don ' t mind hearing a story do you — anything to keep awake during part of this sleepy hour. You know we all get sleepy, but if you can ' t keep awake or alnioKf awake why I ' ll excu.se you and you just go out and take a nap. Well, this story I was going to tell you is about an old friend or rather acquaintance of mine — fine looking old chap — great talker, but a little too fond of his toddy, — just a little too fond of his toddy. Well, this old fellow got to be president of the old American Bank. Used to be down here on Chestnut Street, broke up some years ago. He had things pretty much his own way, you know — we all like to be boss don ' t we? — and pretty .soon he 133