Harris Elmore High School - Helm Yearbook (Elmore, OH)

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Class Pwphw-J The year is 1983 . We are gliding gently along our track in the new air lift car of the year. It is a new auto that rides on a cushion of air. It has been invented by the master mind of General Motors, MIKE BERG- MAN. lt has taken him ten years to perfect it. Soon we see the quaint village of Elmore. We were told of some of the new additions to the village. The newest is the drag strip north of town. Upon visiting it, we see two top notch hot rodders, KARREN HELLE and JANET GAHN, zooming down the strip. We notice they are driving new style cars with the fuel invented by a former Elmore chemistry student, GEORGE WEIS. While trying to make flubber, it seems that he came up with glubber, the new fuel for the new cars . Boy, do they go! As we glide closer to town, we come upon the Dime -a-Dozen Dinky Wienny Shop, owned and run by DARYLE DAMSCHRODER. He is selling hot dogs for a dime a dozen. We decided to park our craft and take a tour of his plant. As soon as we enter, we are interrupted by the whine of an ambulance. As we turn around, we see NANCY BARKER shoot past in the ambulance. We rush to our car and follow the ambulance to Elmore's new hospital. lt is named Ames General Hospital and is run by PAMELA AMES. Pam tells us of an unusual mental case, DENNIS BENNICE . For the first time in thirty years a girl has chased Denny and it gave him a mental relapse. Chief brain surgeon, BRADY STONER, is studying the case and running several tests on Denny. JOANNE DEACON, Denny's very private nurse, is taking pills to his room. As we pass the door, we see a sign on it that says DO NOT DISTURB. We walk down the hall and enter the laboratory where we find CAROLYN ANSTED working on a sure cure for the seven-year itch. Shortly, we find the admittance secretary, DARWIN OVERMYER, typing ROGER BOWYER'S dismissal slip for the fifth time. Darwin hasn't found a typewriter that types by itself yet. Roger is leaving the hospital after recovering from another broken arm received while having a friendly argument with his wife. By this time we are getting hungry, so we head for the cafeteria. On the way, we pass JIM HEATH'S health bar, where he is busy serving his Decayed Egg Custard special. After filling our trays in the cafeteria, We are kindly asked for our money by MARILYN DAMSCHRODER at the cashier counter. While eating, we pick up the latest issue of the weekly paper, the Loco Weed. The editor of the paper is MARY LEE THOMAS, We read the love-lorn column written by star reporter, NORMA DAMSCHRODER. Her famous saying is, If you're young and not too chubby, come in and get yourself a hubby. One of the front page stories we first notice is the feature article about the tour of the famous Road Runner with a Hanging Jaw, painted by LOIS ORMAN. It is now on exhibition in Paris . JOHN WATERS is also the cartoonist of the paper and he is nationally known for his animal cartoons . After our delightful lunch, we leave the hospital and walk slowly down the street. The first establishment we see is the mortuary, FRED HAS- SELKUS is now the town's undertaker. On the front window is written, You Stab 'Em, We Slab 'Em . Next we see the beauty salon of JANET WISEGIVER. She has revolutionized girls' hair styles by creating a Yul Brynner for women. Instead of a shampoo and set, she gives a shave and a shine. Nearing the school, we see a department store with DOROTHY ROBERTS modeling clothes . She has fashioned many clothes which are now world famous . 16

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SUSAN SCHLIEVERT Valedictorian Ji I -. GORDON WARD Commencement Speaker I I5 Y, l:.,e J , V CAROLYN AN STED S alut atori an

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Suddenly we hear a loud l -2 -3-4, l -2 -3-4. We glance into the school yard and see CAROLYN DAMSCHRODER giving the eight graders calis- thenics . Being gym teacher, Carolyn has lost much weight and is now being chased by the school's janitor, TOM WALTER . Tom has promoted himself from broom boy to incinerator manager and is in charge of the school's disposal system. A student escorts us to the superintendent, SCOTT HETRICK. We find him in his office, asleep as usual. The guidance counselor, SUSAN SCHLIEVERT, is busy helping the students of the day. She has her own room next to the office. Soon we find our- selves wandering the halls of the old school. There are several new pictures hanging from the hall of fame. The most outstanding is that of TOM BLOOM, United States Olympic Star of 1975. He holds the world's pole vault record of eighteen feet, two and one -half inches. He accom- plished this feat with an antigravitational pole invented by TED BOLAND- ER. Ted had the hair -brained idea in high school and has made a small fortune from it. Down the hall we see cards flying out of an open door. As we look in the door, we see JEAN VALASEK hurriedly making adjust- ments on the IBM. Somehow Jean got the machine all messed up. As we venture on, we see the beautiful new field house. It was designed and built by MIKE LUDLOW. The money for this structure was donated by VIRGINIA JACOBS, the new Hollywood Starlet . She specified that it be heart shaped for reasons unknown. DENNY EPLING, the physical edu- cation instructor and basketball coach, is busy teaching the boys the new super duper scooper play, guaranteed to make a basket every time. As we leave the school, the town flat foot, chief of police RHODA GARN, goes sailing by on her motorcycle. She is the first female cop Elmore has ever had. She pulls up in front of the library where we see SHARON WALTER, busy filing books away. She is the head librarian. It is now time to leave Elmore, but we still have a few places to visit. We board our craft and glide first to the riding stables of LUCILLE De- STAZIO . Lucy has purchased several farms outside of town and has made a riding academy from them. We are also glad to know that two of her famous students are MERIBETH TANK and KATHY WILLEY. Meri- beth has a special nack of mounting horses backwards while Kathy has the natural spurring characteristic of constantly wiggling her leg. Some- thing soon catches our eye. It is the eighteen-hole golf course on the KENNY NEEB farm . Kenny had the idea in school and has made it into a reality. We hear the buzz of some machine and as we look down the road, we see JIM METCHER driving his new John Deere. Jim has converted the John Deere from a putt -putt to a buzz -buzz . We reverse our direc- tion and after cruising through town, turn on to the B-J Highway. It is the new and straigtened 105 that was constructed by BARRY MOELLMAN and JOHN HOWARD. They say it speeds commuting with the neighboring town. We turn on our closed circuit TV in the craft and see another El- more worker. It is JANICE OTTE. She is busy planting tomatoes on her large estate. It is easier now because she has a new cotton pickin' toma- to planter. Our last stop is at the Multi-Million Dollar Chicken Farms of RONALD GIESLER . He is getting over three million eggs a day. The eggs are square, something new in the egg industry, so they don't roll and break as before. After a delicious egg-nog treat, we once again board our craft and speed on into the future. 17