Goshen Central High School - Yearbook (Goshen, NY)

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24 THE PIONEER In the Commercial Department. Donald—I broke that new typewriter I got yesterday. Marion—Which one—the machine? Donald—Yes, and now I can’t make a date with my typewriter. Marion—Won’t I do as well? “Patience.” Miss Bucklyn—I will allow the boy who arrives at school the earliest tomorrow morning to kiss our prettiest girl. Jay Corbett sat on the steps all night, but when the prize was to be awarded Miss Muntz stepped in and Jay has been missing ever since. Willie found a looking glass, He scraped the mercury off; He swallowed nearly all of it, Thinking it would cure his cough. Little Willie’s mother, In speaking to Mrs. Brown, Said it was a cold day for Willie When the mercury went down. The First Lesson. An Alabama negro, who had spent several years as a servant in a New York family, returning to his home, attempted to instruct the members of his family in correct usuage, especially in their language. “Gimme some ’lasses, Sam,” cried his younger brother. “You musn’t say ’lasses,” corrected Sam. “You must say molasses.” “What is you talking about?” grunted his brother. “How’s I gwine to say mo’ ’lasses when I ain’s had none yet.” “Information Wanted.” I passed through the grave yard all alone; I saw these few words carved on a stone: “I was upon eartli the same as thee; Prepare for death and follow me.” Of course, as I’m a full-fledged poet, I wrote these words just below it: “To follow you, I wouldn’t be content, Until I knew which way you went.” A Fault With the Telegraph Company. The fact of the matter is we’ve been expecting a new arrival at our house. I told my wife to wire me—if it was a boy to say “Gent’s bicycle arrived safely,” and if it was a girl, “Lady’s bicycle arrived safely.” Talk about hard luck, this morning I got a telegram: “Tandem arrived safely.” That Which is Given Always Returns. Corbett—Miss Scott, what day does the sausage come out to look at his shadow? Miss Scott—There isn’t any sausage that looks at its shadow. That’s a ground hog. Corbett—Well, isn’t sausage a ground hog? Reply—To the office for your’s, Mister. A Little Advice. A little boy was sitting behind a bald-headed man in the H. S. Auditorium, who was scratching the fringe of hair on one side of his bald pate. The old gentleman kept it up so long that at last the little boy became interested, and, leaning over said: “Say, Mister, you’ll never catch him there. Why don’t you run him out in the open?”

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THE PIONEER 23 If a log is wood, is Miss Kellogg? If Lewis saw Roosa, would Smith? If tulips are flowers, what are Phil-lips? If Helen Boyce played hearts would Tib (Trump )er? If a hen lays an egg, what does Margaret Findlay? If Miss Scott went to Assyria, would Tiglath-Piliser? If Alice Dayton weighs 300, how much does Eva Tangway? If May Peck was in Middletown where would Wayne Cros(by)? If Leslie Paterson was born in May, when was Scott Osborne? If Clara Edwards was looking for a bear, would she go to a Park(er) garden? If “Peg-o’-My-Heart” stole “Brewster’s Millions,” would it be “Within the Law” for “Officer 666” to arrest her? Different from Our Editor. A newspaper man named Fling, Could make “copy” of any old thing; But a copy he wrote Of a five dollar note, Was so good that lie’s now in Sing Sing. Their Future Meeting Place. Little Elting France, had just come out of a trance, Eating concentrated lye; When Miss Mould came in, he had finished the tin, And they’ll meet in the sweet bye and bye. Will Ehlers let Roosa mix Waldo? My Motto: It’s not how much you do, but how you do it, that counts. Donald (Significus) Parker. According to Classes. Freshmen—Grassy. Sophomores—Sassy. Juniors—Brassy. Seniors—Classy (?) Miss Van Schaick, in Cicero class— “Which is buried in sleep under the influence of Cicero’s oratory,” when the bell rings? Student—“None, it is time to wake up.” “Wanted.” Wanted—Some one to witness my demonstrations in the High School auditorium before the entertainments. Address all communications to Marjorie Thompson. Plenty of Exercise. First Student—Clara! What makes your arms so short and plump? Clara—That comes from plenty of exercise, such as playing tennis, golf, etc. First Student—Why, Miss Edwards, don’t you do quite some walking also? A True Astrologist. Teacher—Did you ever study astrology? Pupil—Oh yes! I studied it at home when I was a boy. I could always tell when father took the strap down. Teacher—What did that denote? Pupil—Spots on the Sun.

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THE PIONEER 25 Questions and Answers. Q. Why is a ship like a handkerchief? A. Because it has stood many a blow and has often been around the horn. Q. M(hen will water stop running down hill? A. When it gets to the bottom. Q. Why is a man with a counterfeit fif-ty-cent piece like a widower? A. Because he wants a better half. Q. What’s the difference between a church bell and a politician? A. One peals from the steeple and the other steals from the people. Q. What’s the difference between a grasshopper and a grass widow? A. None! They’ll both jump at the first chance. Q. Why is a beautiful, fascinating young lady like a butcher? A. Because they are both killing creatures. Q. Why are women like salad? A. Because they both need a great deal of dressing. A remark from a student in the rear— “Not now days.” Q. Do you know, William, that courtship is the light of love? A. Well then, Elting’s marriage must be the gas bill. Bill Bennet, in chemistry — “Miss Mould, don’t we have to dilude this water before using it?” BUY A PIONEER PRICE ONLY 25 CENTS