Falls City High School - Orange and Black Yearbook (Falls City, NE)

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I sat down in a chair in the back of the room and listened to the three cases. The three judges, who sat just to one side of the throng, all had familiar faces but I just couldn’t place them. Each wore, perched on the tip of his nose, a pair of specks—A flash dashed through my head—these familiar faces were the faces of Robert Grant, Richard Isham, and George Clark. To one side of them sat a most beautiful platinum blonde stenographer, Pauline Buthman. Judging from the actions of the three judges, they all had quite a case on her. The first soul brought before the king was that of Craig Greenwald. Oh! such a change; bald headed, knock kneed, and as thin as a toothpick. His sad and pitiful storv of how his wife treated him won the sympathy of Pluto, and Craig was sent rejoicing into the Elysian Fields. The next soul was none other than the meek and innocent soul of William Margrave, but lo and behold! another great change, a cork screw leg and only one eye. A gang leader of Chicago, known as One Eved Bill.” The judges, feeling somewhat partial to him, because of their friendship in high school, let him pass and enter the Elysian Fields, much to William’s surprise. The third case was the case of Herbert Tubach. He had filled all the requirements to enter the Home of the Blessed,” so he passed by with a saintly expression. After this third case, I made myself known to Pluto and his wife. They were delighted to see me and invited me to dine with them. I accepted and while we were chatting, I noticed a funny little dried up fellow, seated at the King’s feet, making funny faces for amusement. Yes, this little jester was none other than Buzz Culver. In danced six beautiful maidens, Edna Price, Marguerite Nichols, Hazel Ruch, Arlene Deaton, Helen Brooks, and Geneva Graden, entertaining us with a new dance just out, The Waddle.” Keith Crook and Evelyn Wiltse were the originators of this dance. Believe me, these dames were high steppers. The music was splendid; Castle’s seventy-nine piece brass band was a real knockout. After dinner I ascended to the 'Home of the Blessed.” While registering, some one came up and slapped me on the back. I wiped the ink from my eyes and when I had recovered my teeth, I found Ruth Weaver and Jean Young beaming at my side. I guess the blow must have been Ruth’s. I stopped and talked to them for a short time. They told me that Lucille Daniels and Dorothy Sandrock went to Mexico after leaving Falls City but spent most of their time in jail for giggling on Sundays, a violation of the Sky Blue Law” of Mexico. This shows how strictly the Mexicans observe the Sabbath. They also told me that Marie Clark and Jewell Hannaford went over the Niagara Falls in a rocking chair. Just something to entertain the public. They made this trip daily and had only broken two ribs and one of the ten commandments. I entered the Elysian Fields. Oh! such a place! I shall not go into detail describing it although it was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. Much to my surprise I ran into a group of some of my school chums. Each told me what they did on earth after leaving F. C. H. S. Pa e 23

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My Trip to the Underworld I shall try to give you a brief account of my journey to the underworld, a region of darkness inhabited by the spirits of the dead, and governed by Pluto and Proserpina, his queen. I had always kept in close touch with Bob Greenwald, who is the messenger god of the underworld, concerning the number of souls from class of ’32 that he had conducted into the underworld. He informed me that I was the last one of my class left on earth and he offered to take me on a journey to this infernal region in order that I might again see all those familiar faces. I immediately went down to the Missouri Pacific station and bought a round trip ticket to the underworld. This cost me an enormous sum, I must admit. I traveled nine days and nine nights before I reached my destination. Here I was greeted by Mercury, the very same old Bob Greenwald that I had gone to school with in ’32. While we were waiting for a taxi, someone, decorated with horn rimmed glasses and brandishing a net, collided with me. She jumped to her feet and dashed off in pursuit of a butterfly. (Oh, yes, there are butterflies down there too). What hit me?” I finally managed to gasp. Anna Pool,” Bob replied. Bob told me that many souls had to wait a number of years, because of their misdeeds, before they could cross the river Styx; evidently Anna was one who had to wait. We stepped into the taxicab, and when the driver turned around and shouted Where to?” in a gruff voice, I recognized Adam Lippold, even though he had grown a heavy beard. It wasn’t long till we came to the bank of the river Styx. The grim old boatman, whom I immediately recognized as Ed Waller, ferried us across the river. Ed told me that he was in partnership with Wayne Allen, who also runs a ferry across the River of Woe. He soon reached the other bank. We walked through many long, dark tunnels till we came to a wide open gate. Here we stopped suddenly, for a three headed serpent-tailed dog growled and barked at us. We had a hard time getting past, but finally managed. I later found out that this same ferocious looking dog was Robert Johnson’s little pooch.” Robert and his dog were such good friends that Robert couldn’t bear to leave Mitzi” on earth so he took Mitzi” with him. Imagine Robert’s disappointment when he stepped into the underworld and read the sign No Dogs Allowed.” After much begging, Pluto consented to keep the dog in the underworld but only under certain conditions. That the dog must have three heads and a serpent tail, and that it’s duty was to guard the gate into the courtroom—So thus ends the story of the little dog Mitzi.” After entering through this gate, I found myself in a large courtroom where three souls were awaiting their judgment as to where their souls were to go, Elysian Fields or Tartarus. Pluto, Bud Maust, and his queen, Sara Hutchings, were seated on their throne. Rulers of the Underworld.” My but Bud did have a dignified look. Mercury left me here for just then the one o’clock whistle blew and he dared not be late for his job of conducting souls as this angered Pluto very much, and Bob feared he might lose his job. Page 22

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Mary Krieger and Donna Jean Eubank bad been employed by the government to lick stamps. Lila Bonsall and Mary Helen Goolsby were great welfare workers and much interested in the downtrodden. Their last great work was a stirring campaign in order to raise enough money to provide all the African natives with a clean, pocket handkerchief. James Griffis was a great philanthropist and he spent his leisure time distributing animal crackers among the children of the slums. William Wochner’s big job was to light the torch of the statue of Liberty every night. Mae Brooks blew the street lights out every morning. Dale McCoy led the American forces to victory in the struggle with Japan. He was the hero of the hour. Jerald Hastie, Leland Peck, Glenn Wcinert, and Ralph Steinbrink were the famous manufacturers of saw-toothed spoons on which babies may cut their teeth. I left the group and wandered down the garden. Nearing an apple tree, I noticed a long and lanky figure eating an apple. On drawing closer, I beheld the countenance of Fred Graham. My, such a surprise! The last person I ever thought to meet in the Elysian Fields. After joking and laughing for some time, I asked him how he met his everlasting. He told me that he had been employed as an umbrella tester. Fie jumped off the Woolworth building in New York and if the umbrellas were good ones, he would land safely. One was no good! He proceeded to tell me that a great many of my chums had been workers of the Salvation Army. Georgianna Brenner was president and manager. Fred said Georgie looked awfully cute in a poke bonnet! Anna Marie Wise conducted the musical part of the street performance. Catherine Grant preached and converted sinners while Dorothea Femmer passed the hat. He also told me that Everett Rieger, Herbert Wilbur Roesch, and Otto Huettner had been joint owners of the True Story Magazine, and that Otto Ketter, Robert Wilson and Robert Heck had made a picture collection of all the girls that they had ever dated. They published these in volumes—one hundred three, I believe. Just before leaving this Happy Land I met Bob Crook, another surprise, one I never expected to see here either. He told me he was the owner of a large hospital in New York and that he had won quite a name for himself. He must have been great, as he claimed that he did one of two things, either cured his patients or not. Remarkable, isn’t it! Kathleen Tefft was his private secretary. Oh! Oh!—and he had hired Edna Wittrock to tear the leaf off the calendar at the end of every month. I had to hurry on as my train left for Falls City in just a few minutes. I ran down the steps; passing the door to Tartarus, I opened it and looked in. I didn’t recognize any faces, although I should have known better than to even think that any of the class of ’32 might be there. I enjoyed my trip very much and considered it a complete success as I had found out all about my former schoolmates. Page 24