Falls City High School - Orange and Black Yearbook (Falls City, NE)

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THE RESUME 1916 strations, especially around meal times and at hotels, and saves her company the cost of many hotel hills. It is said that practical demonstrations will soon be given to a school of one—who nor when, nobody knows. We were quite interested to know how popular Bayard Clark is as speaker of the House of Representatives. That new idea of his of having three hours’ adjournment for dinner sounds quite natural—in fact, you would not have needed to label who presented the bill. So he is getting bald already? Well, that’s too bad. but nevertheless to be expected. Bayard always did look like the world and all that is thereon rested on his shoulders. Yes. 1 had heard of Syble Bower's fame. It seems to me that every hat that goes down Fifth avenue has the Bowears label on it. and nobody seems to lie satisfied with their Raster bonnet unless it comes from Mademoiselle Bowears-Sybilla. I’aris-American Milliner Shop: and to think that she personally designs each one of those marvelous creations! Wilma has one! It is a brilliant pink Mexican straw, with a band of green wax leaves around the crown and one of the tail feathers of Mademoiseli’s pet rooster stuck straight up in front, with a glaring red tip (headlight)! Joe Gagnon certainly is some person—I mean he thinks he is! So he is the President's valet and all he does is to wear a stiff hat and a high “collah,” put on a melancholy air and say, The President has just left for his afternoon siesta to detemine the improvement of his health.” He is quite literary, too. He published an article lately on how to distinguish cows from weeds, and I'm sure nothing could be more instructive and contain so much food for thought! Audrey Marion and Hildred Harris are working together in Italy. Audrey, they say, is a second Schuniann-Heink, and Hildred leaves Paderwiski in the shade. They are traveling alone and make from $5,000 to $50,000 a night. The audiences are held spellbound and they say Audrey’s rendition of “Yankee Poodilio” and Tipperario are the best things that have ever appeared on the Italian stage. Mildred has lately composed a sonata entitled, “The Senior's Pep and the Italians think she is talking about some kind of a constellation, scintillating above the terrestial sphere, and all but grovel at her feet. Ruby Caskey is matron of the Insane Asylum at Beatrice and they say the inmates are brightening visibly. She has uplifted them so that they are now capable of planting spring onions and reading out of the First Reader. Ruby has worked on their imaginations until they think she is first cousin to George Washington and wife of the President of the United States. They don’t know what those are. but imagine they are some kind of gods, and Ruby rules their destinies. Zelma Moss is teaching trigonometry and civics in Central Africa, and spends her spare time cruising around after the Sixth Continent and the fourth dimension. When last heard from she was attempting to establish a domestic science department and teach the natives how to make bread. The first attempt proved disastrous, for they got mad at each other and one man got his skull severely cracked by a well aimed biscuit and a pet monkey of somebody’s was killed instantly. It was the talk of Parrotville for six weeks, and some of the natives were so petrified that they still stand as landmarks to enterprising adventurers. Myrtle Dodds is surveying for a Philadelphia construction company. She has planned the reconstruction of the Great Lakes and the rebuilding of Niagara l'alls. and is at pre.ent planning a viaduct across the Atlantic Ocean, so that next

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THE RESUME 1916 happiness to the fullest extent, though I regret to say that the hotel is not quite as prosperous as it was in 1916. Of course this is to he expected, since the end of all important things ceased then! 1 hey say one hoarder has been there a week and has had two sets of false teeth in the meanwhile. The eats there have never been equalled elsewhere—for which let us give thanks! Paul Fredrick is a rising lawyer in California. He can spin more yarns in ten minutes than a reporter can copy in ten days, and naturally wins all of his cases. He convinced the judge the other day that the defendant was not responsible for stealing the plaintiff's overcoat because the clock had stopped, and if the clock had stopped time had stopped. Therefore, if time had stopped, it would not start again until the clock started, and therefore the plaintiff should have been in bed at twelve o’clock (the time when the clock stopped) and not prowling around till four hours later if four o'clock was the time he arose, because there was a vaccum from twelve to four. Don't know whether you catch the drift or not. Think the judge must have been as mixed as anybody, and it rather looks like Paul ‘■fell into the common errors of exaggerating declamation by producing in a familiar disquisition examples of national calamities. etc. How’s that tor quoting our senator? Nina Sluihert is successfully engaged in bee-raising at Rulo. She has the magnificent sum of two hives of bees, which turn out three pounds of honey each early, and Nina is thinking of retiring from active business soon and settling down to spend her wealth, in the best possible manner. When not engaged in bee culture and the doctoring of bee stings she does landscape—1 mean escape gardening, for every one runs at first sight—it is so beautiful, you know. The general composition is cucumbers, red beets, carrots and horseradish. e always did sav Nina would be famous some day! Was so glad to hear of Iva Woods' success as librarian at Washington Am very sorry she thought Robinson Crusoe wrote The Merchant of Venice.” hut that could be worse. It must lie interesting to see Iva behind a desk with thirty ledgers around her. Are you always able to find her when you want her, or do you have to stop and weed out the ledgers? Iwona Wickham is Street Commissioner in Chicago, and any one who brings dust from their domicilium out on the street sure catches it! A banana peel in the alley is an unheard-of thing and all the street cleaners are dressed in white kakhi and run around in private aeroplanes above the city, dropping peppered sponges on all suspicious characters. Florence Lyford has not been seen in this country for some time. She is writing a history of the world and is roaming around in Greece and Egypt, hunting old skulls and seeing visions. Her history (that is. the one she is writing) will start at 600 B. C. and close at 1916, since 1916 was the culmination of the height of civilization—the graduation of our illustrious Class! It is thought she will soon come back to civilization, settle down in a brown-stone mansion on Thirty-sixth street in Falls City and with the assistance of a pet cat and a parrot, serve tea to callers and show them what sweet old maidhood is like. Helen Kottman surely has a wide sphere of activity. She is peddling folding fireless cookers and is distributing agent for the 'Journal,” which has a circulation of 500,000. Her winning manner is bringing her employers great profits and tireless cookers are once more on the boom. She always gives practical demon-

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THE RESUME 1916 time the little Dutschers get obnoxious we who don't own private aeroplanes can walk over and see the performance. Alma Mosiman is practising her M. 1). in New York. She is a veterinary surgeon, and her skill in substituting rubber teeth in horses' mouths so that they won't have to eat predigested oats, is marvelous. Also the way she teaches lame clogs to use crutches and blind cats to use monocles is making scientists sit up and take notice. She is working now on the “F.lixir of Youth, which for every spoonful you take brings back ten years of your life! 1 bid for the first spoonful —for one hour tonight! Arthur Chesley and Esther Abbey are starring and starving by spells and bounds at some kind of a theater or other here. We went to see them tonight—I mean last night! Esther surely beats Julia Marlowe all hollow, and as for Soth-ern—well, he wouldn't get anywhere aside of Arthur! They were acting tonight in a drama entitled. “Blue-Jay Corn Blaster—Always the Best. There's a Reason. It was quite interesting and the audience shed tears of real grief. Who would have thought in the Senior play in 1916 that the parts they took could influence their destiny—but it has! The play has materialized above all our hopes and nothing could be more appropriate—unless it would be vaseline on hair cuts! While we were there who do you suppose we met? Well, nobody more ot less than Alan Gilmore! He was in New York on business, being janitor of the High School at Falls City now! He used to be governor of Nebraska, but Alan always did aspire to higher things, and it takes him to do it up in style! Boot man, by the look in his eye you can tell that the pride of his life is gone—he has lost the curl to his hair! He was out to dinner not long ago and the'waiter spilled some hot soup on his head. It made him so mad his hair stood on end and hasn’t returned to normal yet! It is getting a little late.—1 mean early.—so I bid you adieu with a toast to by far the greatest, grandest and most illustrious Class that ever graced the halls of the Falls City High School—the Class of Nineteen Hundred and Sixteen! R. L. T6. LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF THE SENIOR CLASS. F. C. H. S.. NEBRASKA. We, the Senior Class of the Falls City High School. Richardson County, Nebraska, being of sound mind and cognizant of the uncertainty of our brilliant career, do publish and declare this, our last will and testament; that is, to say: F'irst, we desire that all our just debts be paid; that is. if there is enough money in the treasury to pay them; if not. then it is the wish of our Class that these debts be charged to the Sophomores. We bequeath our love of knowledge and our proverbial dignity in full and rounded measure to the Freshies. Upon our nearest heirs, the Juniors, at our graduation, we bestow the name of “Reverend Seniors.” We also bequeath and devise to the Junior Class all of the northeast quarter of the assemby room of the High School, situated on block ninety-three in the City of Falls City, Nebraska.