Falls City High School - Orange and Black Yearbook (Falls City, NE)

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THE RESUME 1916 He (that is, Eel) is tall and lean and wears his hair in long curls down around his shoulders—very nearly scared me out of ten years’ growth! Poor fellow, he looked so hollow-eyed and as though the weight of the world rested on his shoulders! It’s no wonder! He’s been reading the dictionary for eight weeks, trying to find a word to rhyme with Nebbuchhadnezar. His poem is entitled, “The Elements of Sicology,” and starts out: “Under the spreading chestnut tree. Hill Bryan discoursed with Xebbuchhadnezar.” And so Mabel Crush is manager for Scars Roebuck! No wonder they are prospering so! How in the world did she ever come to choose such a profession —but then a salary of $500,000 a year docs look enticing. I’m glad you had such a good visit with her and don't doubt a bit that when Mabel orders “they all run like it was the tocsin and the establishment was being called to dinner bv fire and blood. I hey had heard about that great sale she was putting on sugar and •afetypins in New York, and several hundred are waiting now for the next aeroplane ascension so that they can go after bargains. Arthur Weinert is an expert farmer in Colorado. His ranch covers nine hundred acres and lie's taking all the first prizes on zebras and spotted elephants. He has so many inhabitants on his ranch that they edit a newspaper in order to keep n touch with each other. One man fell off a barrel the other day and the following interesting item appeared: “John Jones fell off a barrel while scrubbing elephant No. 37 and broke his shoulder and seven of the Commandments.” Arthur seems to be quite an influential citizen, and they say he will run for governor of the municipality of Strausville, Nebraska, at the next election by special request. Myrle Naylor is teaching German exclusively at Harvard, and she is liked so well that she was asked to take out a life certificate the other day. She knows German so well she can hardly discourse in any other language, and she has lately translated the last edition of the Katzenjammer Kids into German, for the benefit of the Kaiser, who thinks Mrytle is the Only and has twice offered her his heart and his kingdom, but she has been too busy to accept—one time she had an engagement at an afternoon tea and the other time one with her hairdresser. Ethel Pearson is an author. She has written several treatise on the immortality of the soul, but most of her works are on the care of snails. She is married to a Lord someliody-or-otber in England ( Daddleskinks or Snoodlecoop—can’t just remember), but she always comes over here on Tuesdays and Saturdays to do her shopping and marketing, as she says England’s cauliflower has never been able to acquire so near the taste of American cabbage as the kind she gets at Wanamaker's. have Hanna is painting those marvelous pictures that are taking our breath away. Titian and Turner belong to the Dark Ages aside of Faye. That last great picture of hers entitled. Ancient of Days, which is a view of Barada. with one of those old-fashioned Jersey cows and a daisy in the foreground, certainly does charm the soul and turn one to rapturous contemplations. I've never found anything yet that made me want a pair of blue sjtectacles and a glass of water so scon. Flora Ticknor is also running a hotel—none other than the deaf old “Yellow Dog at Falls City. She is apparently enjoying life, health and the pursuit of

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THE RESUME 1916 (I’d substitute one of my youngest grandchild!) The paper went without the picture, but between us we’ve routed all of our old classmates out. You know that song everybody’s crazy about now—“The Alligator on the Park Bench —well, the author is none other than Stella Gatz. She i- writing hymns by the thousand and the last one had to have the third edition before enough copies could be.secured. They say that one was sung before the English Parliament this spring and the members wept so copiously that the Woman's Suffrage Bill was passed due to that only. Her songs are moving sinners to repentance and stone images to tears. Albert Weinert is a Civil Service Commissioner and is on the San Francisco-New York Aereoplane Line, and distributes the mail along the way when there is any. (For my part, the wireless telephone seems.to l e the most convenient.) They say he has only had two wrecks in his life, and both of these caught on skyscrapers in Chicago, so it could have been worse. Louise Daeschner is doing marvelous scientific experiments in Germany, and they say that the things that institution turns out is marvelous. She is an equal rival of Theoptiuxilansiscion in Mars. The last great invention. 1 believe, is a fireless heating apparatus bv which there is continual summer at the North Pole. They are at present attempting to hold the Northern Lights in place by a system of levers and pulleys, and when that is accomplished they intend to charge ten cents admission and display them as a relic. Talking alxnit the North Pole—that great social reformer up there they’re giving such a blow about is none other than our long-lost Class advisor. Miss Fuller, even if she does go by the name of Mrs. Paderwskividerplexidel. They say she has invented a new language and the natives are all highly civilized because of her work—so much so that the last Ford they sent up there didn t even give them the nervous chills. And the editor of that paper that tells us all about her is none other than our old Class president, Arthur Yort. The paper has a circulation of 4,532,995 daily and is read on all Continents lwfore the ink is dry. He has reporters on every land and takes the news by the newest system of mental telepathy—retires to the top of his office building, which is seventy-five stories high, and takes the messages from 11:25 p. m. to 3 :io a. m. and communicates the news to his sub-editors by a system of electric buttons. Was very glad to hear of Matilda Matthews again. And so she is Chief Justice of the Supreme Court! Strange I hadn’t heard of it, but accidents will happen! That judgment she gave in the case of Sears Roebuck against Ed Fisher for maliciously writing poetry about its notoriety seems to be causing quite a stir. I confess poetry does seem almost a relic of the Dark Ages, and yet it seems to me we did use to have to study some in the old F. C. 11. S. days—wasn't it by Daniel somebody—Webster or Shakespeare or something of the sort? Matilda always did show promise of great things, but it seems to me she must have missed her calling—wouldn’t she have been a good deal better fitted for a barber? When you mentioned Ed Fisher writing poetry T hunted him up. Sure enough, he is in New York in a little old office this side of Brooklyn. Bridge. His sign reads: o---------------------------------------—-------------------—o EDWARDO FISCERIO, A. B. C.. R. F. D. Studied under the Honorable C. A. Beeavario. A. M. o ■o

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THE RESUME 1916 happiness to the fullest extent, though I regret to say that the hotel is not quite as prosperous as it was in 1916. Of course this is to he expected, since the end of all important things ceased then! 1 hey say one hoarder has been there a week and has had two sets of false teeth in the meanwhile. The eats there have never been equalled elsewhere—for which let us give thanks! Paul Fredrick is a rising lawyer in California. He can spin more yarns in ten minutes than a reporter can copy in ten days, and naturally wins all of his cases. He convinced the judge the other day that the defendant was not responsible for stealing the plaintiff's overcoat because the clock had stopped, and if the clock had stopped time had stopped. Therefore, if time had stopped, it would not start again until the clock started, and therefore the plaintiff should have been in bed at twelve o’clock (the time when the clock stopped) and not prowling around till four hours later if four o'clock was the time he arose, because there was a vaccum from twelve to four. Don't know whether you catch the drift or not. Think the judge must have been as mixed as anybody, and it rather looks like Paul ‘■fell into the common errors of exaggerating declamation by producing in a familiar disquisition examples of national calamities. etc. How’s that tor quoting our senator? Nina Sluihert is successfully engaged in bee-raising at Rulo. She has the magnificent sum of two hives of bees, which turn out three pounds of honey each early, and Nina is thinking of retiring from active business soon and settling down to spend her wealth, in the best possible manner. When not engaged in bee culture and the doctoring of bee stings she does landscape—1 mean escape gardening, for every one runs at first sight—it is so beautiful, you know. The general composition is cucumbers, red beets, carrots and horseradish. e always did sav Nina would be famous some day! Was so glad to hear of Iva Woods' success as librarian at Washington Am very sorry she thought Robinson Crusoe wrote The Merchant of Venice.” hut that could be worse. It must lie interesting to see Iva behind a desk with thirty ledgers around her. Are you always able to find her when you want her, or do you have to stop and weed out the ledgers? Iwona Wickham is Street Commissioner in Chicago, and any one who brings dust from their domicilium out on the street sure catches it! A banana peel in the alley is an unheard-of thing and all the street cleaners are dressed in white kakhi and run around in private aeroplanes above the city, dropping peppered sponges on all suspicious characters. Florence Lyford has not been seen in this country for some time. She is writing a history of the world and is roaming around in Greece and Egypt, hunting old skulls and seeing visions. Her history (that is. the one she is writing) will start at 600 B. C. and close at 1916, since 1916 was the culmination of the height of civilization—the graduation of our illustrious Class! It is thought she will soon come back to civilization, settle down in a brown-stone mansion on Thirty-sixth street in Falls City and with the assistance of a pet cat and a parrot, serve tea to callers and show them what sweet old maidhood is like. Helen Kottman surely has a wide sphere of activity. She is peddling folding fireless cookers and is distributing agent for the 'Journal,” which has a circulation of 500,000. Her winning manner is bringing her employers great profits and tireless cookers are once more on the boom. She always gives practical demon-