Falls City High School - Orange and Black Yearbook (Falls City, NE)

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THE RESUME 1916 (I’d substitute one of my youngest grandchild!) The paper went without the picture, but between us we’ve routed all of our old classmates out. You know that song everybody’s crazy about now—“The Alligator on the Park Bench —well, the author is none other than Stella Gatz. She i- writing hymns by the thousand and the last one had to have the third edition before enough copies could be.secured. They say that one was sung before the English Parliament this spring and the members wept so copiously that the Woman's Suffrage Bill was passed due to that only. Her songs are moving sinners to repentance and stone images to tears. Albert Weinert is a Civil Service Commissioner and is on the San Francisco-New York Aereoplane Line, and distributes the mail along the way when there is any. (For my part, the wireless telephone seems.to l e the most convenient.) They say he has only had two wrecks in his life, and both of these caught on skyscrapers in Chicago, so it could have been worse. Louise Daeschner is doing marvelous scientific experiments in Germany, and they say that the things that institution turns out is marvelous. She is an equal rival of Theoptiuxilansiscion in Mars. The last great invention. 1 believe, is a fireless heating apparatus bv which there is continual summer at the North Pole. They are at present attempting to hold the Northern Lights in place by a system of levers and pulleys, and when that is accomplished they intend to charge ten cents admission and display them as a relic. Talking alxnit the North Pole—that great social reformer up there they’re giving such a blow about is none other than our long-lost Class advisor. Miss Fuller, even if she does go by the name of Mrs. Paderwskividerplexidel. They say she has invented a new language and the natives are all highly civilized because of her work—so much so that the last Ford they sent up there didn t even give them the nervous chills. And the editor of that paper that tells us all about her is none other than our old Class president, Arthur Yort. The paper has a circulation of 4,532,995 daily and is read on all Continents lwfore the ink is dry. He has reporters on every land and takes the news by the newest system of mental telepathy—retires to the top of his office building, which is seventy-five stories high, and takes the messages from 11:25 p. m. to 3 :io a. m. and communicates the news to his sub-editors by a system of electric buttons. Was very glad to hear of Matilda Matthews again. And so she is Chief Justice of the Supreme Court! Strange I hadn’t heard of it, but accidents will happen! That judgment she gave in the case of Sears Roebuck against Ed Fisher for maliciously writing poetry about its notoriety seems to be causing quite a stir. I confess poetry does seem almost a relic of the Dark Ages, and yet it seems to me we did use to have to study some in the old F. C. 11. S. days—wasn't it by Daniel somebody—Webster or Shakespeare or something of the sort? Matilda always did show promise of great things, but it seems to me she must have missed her calling—wouldn’t she have been a good deal better fitted for a barber? When you mentioned Ed Fisher writing poetry T hunted him up. Sure enough, he is in New York in a little old office this side of Brooklyn. Bridge. His sign reads: o---------------------------------------—-------------------—o EDWARDO FISCERIO, A. B. C.. R. F. D. Studied under the Honorable C. A. Beeavario. A. M. o ■o

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THE RESUME 1916 Wm.dorf-Astokia. New York, May 24, 1926. My Dear Edna: I know I have delayed writing to you for some time, but I know with all your senatorial duties you would hardly miss my little scrawl. Did you get that bill passed you were so desirous of getting through? Haven’t seen anything about it in the papers yet. but resting on past experience I'm sure that the rest of the senators might as well give in first as last! I keep congratulating myself daily on being a native of Nebraska and therefore capable of laying some claim to so famous and dignified a senator as our Edna. Who would have thought ten years ago tonight that you'd ever settle down to such a performance? Certainly not I! Just think, it was just ten years ago tonight that we graduated! Weren't we fluttered and do you remember bow afraid we were that Wilma wouldn't get there—but she did, at the eleventh hour, as usual, if you remember! And wasn’t it funny the way Audrey forgot to stand up when they called off her name, and 1 ain't we feel about ten times as big as the faculty and the School Hoard and all |.f our ancestors back to Grandpa Adam! Don't worry, my mind’s not wandering, but there’s method in my madness! Kindly kxik back at the beginning of this epi tie and notice where I’m staying. Hope you're fully impressed and know that a poor teacher of this day and age can't corner the Waldorf-Astoria as a private enterprise. Do you know who’s the proprietor of this? I thought not! Well, nobody more or less than our old friend, Wilma Russ! We've been having one grand, good time since we ran into and onto each other about six hours ago. It is now 1 45 1-2 a. m.. but I’m not the least bit »leepv and just must tell you all about it! Came to New 'll irk for the express reason of wanting to and having a little vacation from my duties as Latin professor at Yassar, and arrived in all this burg about 7:32.2 o'clock this morning. Wandered around in the stores till noon, when passing a Fifth avenue entrance I noticed the following sign: o-----------------------------------------------------------o M A DEM () ISE LEE CHAR EL( )TTE A BLA NI )I ). C X( i Artiste ok Fiiotooraphy EXCLUSIVE PRICES REFERENCES REQUIRED O-----------------------------------------------------------o Thought that name sounded familiar, so perambulated in. It took one elevator. thirty servants (French maids, I afterward understood—though when they get mad they sound suspiciously Irish), some American slang and ten awful glares to persuade those stumps that I thought I knew Mademoiselle Blandingo and I was going to find out without paying any admission, either! Then Charleotta came to the rescue herself—the same old Charleotta in spite of a French friz and a languid air. Didn’t know her at first, but she knew me and if you can imagine your pet kitten suddenly shouting. “Down, demagogues and sinners! Run up the banner of liberty!” you’ll have an idea how it sounded to hear Charleotta suddenly proclaim. “Hello, old scout—where did you drop from! Guess the rest! Those French (?) maids were still in a state of collapse when we left at 4:15. Yes. we, for Wilma came in here. She had to come up for a photograph the evening paper wanted of her. It seems this popularity stunt is getting monotonous to the ladv. Just think, your picture taken eighteen times a year for the paper!

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THE RESUME 1916 He (that is, Eel) is tall and lean and wears his hair in long curls down around his shoulders—very nearly scared me out of ten years’ growth! Poor fellow, he looked so hollow-eyed and as though the weight of the world rested on his shoulders! It’s no wonder! He’s been reading the dictionary for eight weeks, trying to find a word to rhyme with Nebbuchhadnezar. His poem is entitled, “The Elements of Sicology,” and starts out: “Under the spreading chestnut tree. Hill Bryan discoursed with Xebbuchhadnezar.” And so Mabel Crush is manager for Scars Roebuck! No wonder they are prospering so! How in the world did she ever come to choose such a profession —but then a salary of $500,000 a year docs look enticing. I’m glad you had such a good visit with her and don't doubt a bit that when Mabel orders “they all run like it was the tocsin and the establishment was being called to dinner bv fire and blood. I hey had heard about that great sale she was putting on sugar and •afetypins in New York, and several hundred are waiting now for the next aeroplane ascension so that they can go after bargains. Arthur Weinert is an expert farmer in Colorado. His ranch covers nine hundred acres and lie's taking all the first prizes on zebras and spotted elephants. He has so many inhabitants on his ranch that they edit a newspaper in order to keep n touch with each other. One man fell off a barrel the other day and the following interesting item appeared: “John Jones fell off a barrel while scrubbing elephant No. 37 and broke his shoulder and seven of the Commandments.” Arthur seems to be quite an influential citizen, and they say he will run for governor of the municipality of Strausville, Nebraska, at the next election by special request. Myrle Naylor is teaching German exclusively at Harvard, and she is liked so well that she was asked to take out a life certificate the other day. She knows German so well she can hardly discourse in any other language, and she has lately translated the last edition of the Katzenjammer Kids into German, for the benefit of the Kaiser, who thinks Mrytle is the Only and has twice offered her his heart and his kingdom, but she has been too busy to accept—one time she had an engagement at an afternoon tea and the other time one with her hairdresser. Ethel Pearson is an author. She has written several treatise on the immortality of the soul, but most of her works are on the care of snails. She is married to a Lord someliody-or-otber in England ( Daddleskinks or Snoodlecoop—can’t just remember), but she always comes over here on Tuesdays and Saturdays to do her shopping and marketing, as she says England’s cauliflower has never been able to acquire so near the taste of American cabbage as the kind she gets at Wanamaker's. have Hanna is painting those marvelous pictures that are taking our breath away. Titian and Turner belong to the Dark Ages aside of Faye. That last great picture of hers entitled. Ancient of Days, which is a view of Barada. with one of those old-fashioned Jersey cows and a daisy in the foreground, certainly does charm the soul and turn one to rapturous contemplations. I've never found anything yet that made me want a pair of blue sjtectacles and a glass of water so scon. Flora Ticknor is also running a hotel—none other than the deaf old “Yellow Dog at Falls City. She is apparently enjoying life, health and the pursuit of