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A THING THAT NEVER HAPPENS
T WAS necessary that I go to "Fat" Jen-
son's room to get a stamp for a freshly
written letter that must be sent at once. I
knockcd on the door.
"Come in!" came from the depths of
someone's throat. The voice sounded sleepy.
I went in: but to my dismay, I could
see no one. I started to yell. but someone's
head popped up from behind a table covered
with books, papers, and other articles too
numerous and variegated to mention. The
owner of that head could hardly be discerned
in the descending gloom of twilight.
"Whadduyuh want, huh?" queried the
Before replying, I turned to the switch,
and snapped on the light. Seeing the posi-
tion of the person, and other conditions sur-
rounding the incident, I burst into such a
gale of laughter as I had not done since the
time my room-mate lost his shoe one night
at a party, Recovering from this sudden out-
burst of mirth, I stated that due to the fact
that I had a letter ready to go, and that my
stamp supply had given out, I was there
for the sole purpose of borrowing a stamp.
"Well, for th' luv o' mud, but it took
you a long while to say it. And you had
to spoil my perfectly good nap just for a
measly li'l stamp. Huh!" he yawned.
He dived into the pile of miscellany on the
lable, searching for the much-needed Stamp.
After a vigorous hunt of nearly five min-
utes he gasped, "Ah! There's one."
Making a final effort, he extricated the
stamp from its resting-place and shoved it
in my face with "Now get th'--."
A sudden knock sounded on the door and
seemed to be very agitated. Fat yelled, "Yah!
The door burst open and Joe Feelab came
rushing in. As Fat's room was on the
third floor of the dormitory and Joe's on
the first, he had to run up those stairs and
was very much out of wind. After breath-
ing hard for a time, Joe spluttered:
"I've got a blind date tonight and not a
cent to go on. Loan me a fiver, will yuh?
Huh? Aw please, now. I'll pay it back
when I get my money for dusting keyholes.
Wontcha, huh? Please."
The sound of his voice and the contor-
tions he went thru were pitiful. Fat eyed
him speculatively for a moment and then
"Well, ah-let me see-I don't know.
now. Are you sure you'll pay it back?"
Joe was sure. Fat pulled out his bill-fold
and gave him the evidently much-needed five-
spot. The recipient trotted away, a very
I thanked Fat for the stamp and turned
to go but someone dashed through the door
and yelled, "Hey, Fat! Lemme use yer shav-
ing cream. I got a hot mamma for tonight
and I can't go with this crop of pin points
on my face. Ted Fletcher used the last of
mine. Come on now, will yuh?"
Fat assumed a disgusted and disturbed
look, but made another dive into the pile on
the table. After a time he extricated himself
and said, "Aw thunder! It ain't here. Why
didn't I know that!"
He walked to a shelf between two of the
windows and took it from the top thereof
and threw it at Hank who was lucky
enough to catch it. He disappeared, leaving
Fat with a menacing expression on his face.
Hank had left the door open. so great was
his haste: so Fat went to it and closed it
with a bang that jarred the whole house.
Evidently this borrowing was getting on his
Then he exploded: he kicked everything
that was loose and pounded his fists to-
gether. After banging his fists for awhile,
he started cussing. He cussed everyone he
could think of and then started over again
to be sure that he had left none out. His
face became red, his ears waved back and
forth, and his hair behaved indifferent to
the rapid running of his hands through it,
"Why the gosh-hang heck don't those
guys have their own blinkety-blank junk
anyway? You, too Ding-bust your hide!
I'll show you!"
He picked up the chair that he had just
kicked and was aiming it for me when a
timid knock was heard on the door.
"Come in! For gash sakes!" he yelled.
The door was quietly pushed open, re-
vealing a timid, yet unafraid figure. This was
the personage of Ronald Cottonsweatter.
He started to speak. "Will you le-"
He got no further. Fat's wrath was
pitched to such a high key that he let the
chair go full at the boy. The youngster
keeled over but was not badly hurt. He arose
with a bloody nose and a cut on his face.
Fat immediately softened and apologized.
Clarence spoke again. "Will you let me
take you to the show, Fat?"