East Grand Rapids High School - Interlochen Yearbook (East Grand Rapids, MI)

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of his greatest competitor, the famous broker, fand we do mean brokel lack Iacobsenp while Wall Street's famous corporation lawyer, Ioe Martin, cautioned businessman, Iack Kennedy, about some of his billion- dollar transactions. Near the exit the majority leader, Senator I. Dinge- man, solemnly conversed with the world-famed author, Mary Lee Higgins, parent of the widely syndicated column My Way. Word has come via the White House switchboard operator, Dorothy Marsh, that Miss Higgins may support Senator Dingeman in the coming elections, although Donald Clark, of the Clark News- paper Syndicate, is opposed to the involvement of his feature-writer in legislative politics. Lt. Berg made an attempt to start proceedings but thought better of it and decided in favor of the ad- vancement of science in the form of the discussion between three of the class scientists, Iane Clark, Ieanne Busch, and Dora Kay Hoven. These avid scien- tists were absorbedly discussing Miss Clark's newest discovery, two-toned invisible ink. Miss Clark ex- plained that the discovery will find great use in hos- pitals where blue ink used for admittance records will within three days automatically turn to the red used when the patient dies. Dr. Dale Van Otteren, Super- intendent of the Van Otteren Sanatorium for Mentally Maladjusted, it is reported, has purchased all the available supply: for as his head nurse, Ruth Rich, explains, It's so much cheaper that way. Miss Busch, statistic's expert at Carnegie Institute, was recently voted America's Best Authority on Figures-but that's hardly news to those who knew her when. Miss Hoven, famed dietician, is waging a verbal war against the complacent philosophy which is the by-word of the future dieter- I'll start tomorrow. Suddenly, into this calm, intellectual atmosphere an Indian warwhoop heralded the arrival of Torn Rose, originator of the Quiet Hour, a program of ancient lullabies. Mr. Rose has had as his scenarist the well- known radio script writer, Dorothy Mills, but it is be- lieved a break is imminent, for, as Miss Mills explains, He's so quiet the silence is nerve-racking. Playing a sprightly game of passing the buck were the country's two greatest football heroes, lack Cro- thers and Bob Darrah. Butch Darrah, it is rumored, is thinking of establishing a college with matriculation in football only, with the degree of Doctor of the Pig- skin as the much-coveted award. Coach Crothers, lately associated with Phillingbott University, recently bade farewell to his old Alma Mater in favor of the highly-prized position of head coach at Vassar. As Lt. Berg attempted vainly to round up his sus- pects in an orderly fashion, the four naval enthusiasts, Dick Chapman, Ralph Colorado, Norbert Grotenrath, and Bill Poisson inspected the bathtub minutely as a possible scene of manoeuvres. Admiral Colorado, al- though insisting that in an emergency the hull of a ship should be drilled to allow water to escape, was willing to concede to Commander Grotenrath that such a plan would be impractical in the instances involv- ing steel battleships. Captain Poisson, owner of the large chain of steamers operating on the Great Lakes, remarking on the action of the third Normandie com- mented that she cuts a nice figure, to which Com- modore Chapman, appraising the statistics expert from Carnegie Institute, readily agreed. 24 In the center of the crowded room Lt. Berg distract- edly questioned two internationally-recognized musi- cians, Francelia Whitfield, the concert pianist, and Ed Ransom, the Stokowski of his day. Besides the com- ing series of concerts at Carnegie Hall which Con- ductor Ransom is planning for Miss Whitfield, it has been rumored that the two artists are working on musical masterpieces which will be designed to fit the moods of the new dress collection put out by the House of Fashion, the style-dictating firm headed by the renowned designers, Sally Berry, Marcia Goetz, Constance Cargill, and Barbara Iarnac. Paris and the world are breathlessly awaiting the new showing of creations for the coming season, but the concern's foremost super-salesmen, Iim Roon and Bob Gilmore, refuse to give out professional secrets. The grapevine reports that the department store scion, Richard Petter, is in line for the exclusive rights to the gowns of the House of Fashion. Mr. Petter's reliable buyer, Miss Virginia Bliss, who is responsible for much of the Petter stores' success, is said to be arranging for a contract with the fashion establish- ment. The Kenneth Hicks' Advertising Agency, with the aid of its president's two right hands, Dorothy Pierce, the renowned efficiency expert and author of The Human Side of Business , and Agnes Kleimeyer, who has been successful at entertaining the foreign buyers in this country, is attempting to make the American public Petter conscious -- as if it weren't already. Mr. Kenneth Nickel, owner of the extensive Nickel Theaters, stood conversing with the two Hollywood photographers, Bill Faust and Ierry Lugthart. Rumor has it that the s ervic e s of Miss Mary Edison, New York's most famous model, have been obtained since the recent loss of the services of the Valentino of '55, Allan Parrott. As Lt. Berg was slowly but surely shedding his toupe, Presidential nominee, Robert Henry Bennett, was agitatedly bemoaning adverse publicity to the Secretary of Agriculture, David Kelly, and gentleman farmer, Martin Sprite: while the Einstein of the day, Robert Behnke, listened disinterestedly to author V. Stuart Foote's account of his latest saga, The Pink Elephant Element in Snipe-Hunting. Professor William Farrant, exuberant lecturer on the fourth dimension, and his associate, Professor Iames Burton, brilliant exponent of the social element in busi- ness relations and inventor of the famous fourth dimen- sion perpetual motion machine which automatically squeezes oranges at 8 a.m., were surrounded by a bevy of clubwomen attempting to persuade the wily profs to make a lecture tour together. Mary Oost- veen, Mae Adele Wagner, and Io Ann Krieg were vainly attempting to lure the gentleman into touring the country under the sponsorship of the Vanishing Pore Cream Company. The Miss America of 1955, Doris Barnett, just back from Atlantic City, and Iean Zagelmeier, recently voted Americas Nicest Girl, who is the new head of Vassar's culinary department, were appreciatively eyeing the naval experts: while society's Cobina of 1955, Barbara Borough, was being persuaded to tell it to the Marines, Clark Caskey and Chuck Betts. In a far corner three other former class members glared

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Prophecy of the Class of '42 The corpse of the beautiful showgirl, Fleur de la Rue, lay outstretched on the white bear rug of her penthouse apartment, her bejeweled right hand tightly clutching a small object. Beside the lifeless figure a small, pearl-handled revolver lay smoking. The inter- nationally celebrated sleuth, Lt. Everett Berg, crouched beside the silent form and removed a tiny gold class- pin, inscribed with the letters E. G. R.-'42, from the clutching fingers. Turning to his assistant, Detective Al Ryan, Lt. Berg commanded, Call the coroners, and get me the list of the Class of '42 of East High. That evening a silent group moved uneasily about the inanimate form of the showgirl as doctors, Wayne Williams, Fellow of the Rockefeller Foundation, Betty Lesley, President of the American College of Surgeons, and Robert Currier, new president of the American Medical Association, worked over her. At last one of the doctors removed a small bullet from the skull of the victim. Lt. Berg seized the missile cmd passed it on to Detective Ryan, growling, Exhibit A. Take it to the ballistics experts and see what they can find. As Ryan started out, his chief stopped him. Hold it. Lt. Berg paced the room peering intently at the blood-stained rug. Finally, he snapped his fingers and strode to the closet door opposite the body. As he threw open the door, a small, scarred bullet fell to the floor. Unperturbed, Lt. Berg delicately picked up the cylinder with his Nylon handkerchief and silently offered it to Detective Ryan. Take this along, too.' It might come in handy, he added. Lt. Berg then turned to the coroners. Well, doctors, what's the verdict? Silence enfolded the group as they breathlessly awaited the coroners' decision. Without looking up the coroners gravely replied in unison, This young woman has been shotI Now we're getting somewhere, Berg replied. The evidence points to some member of the famous East High Class of '42. Ryan, call the first suspect. A poised, glamorous beauty stepped into view- the stage star, Sally Petter, now starring on Broadway in The Little Wolves and How They Grew. The star, as usual, was accompanied by her press-agent- manager-body-guard, Gordon Iohnson. Miss Petter, growled Lt. Berg in his best detective manner, Where were you on the night of the murder? None of your business, the beautiful actress re- plied. Oh, all right, then if you don't want to play, growled Berg peevishly. You can go, whined the Lieutenant, looking appreciatively at his first suspect as she strolled out followed by Mr. Iohnson and a pet Pekingese. Next suspectl bellowed Berg. Two s u c c e s s f u l , sophisticated men-about-town slouched forward-the Messrs. Richard Ford and Iames Snow, owners of the Ford-Snow Engineering Com- pany-now at work on their biggest project, the Mary- Ellen Memorial Seminary. Berg eyed the sophisticates suspiciously and then in an attempt to trap the two startled the whole gathering by barking, l-low well did you know the victim? Mr. Ford suddenly stopped twirling his diamond- studded watch fob. Are you kidding? he asked in- credulously. Snow looked blankly dazed. Lt. Berg, although somewhat distracted by this reply, refused to let himself be baffled by these suave char- acters and called for the next suspect. A stunning, superbly-tailored creature strolled out- Iacques from the House of Drummond. Well, lim, began Lt. Berg jovially. Monsieur Iacques, if you please, requested the gentleman. Lt. Berg looked amazed, but drove on. Is is true that Miss La Rue frequented your establishment- the Drummond Salon? Oni, Miss La Rue was one of our best customers, returned the gorgeous Iacques. She not only got her perfume from you, but also had her hair done there? suggested Lt. Berg. Jacques looked uncomfortable, but finally declared, We furnished Miss La Rue's, perfumes, but, unfortu- nately, she patronized our coh1petitor's beauty salon -the Barkman's Bureau for Beautiful Blondes. Lt. Berg smiled knowingly and growled to Detective Ryan, Next witness. Two well-known career women stepped forward- the Misses Edwina Halliday, advertising magnate for the Barkman establishment and Mary lane Phillips, inventor of the marvelous, infallible, new Shur-Blink, automatic eyelash winker, which has taken the coun- try by storm. Lt. Berg was abnut to question the two when one application of Miss Phillip's miraculous in- vention changed his mind. No more witnesses now, he barked, but everybody be here tomorrow at ten sharpl The slightly anaemic smile of old Sol fell listlessly on the several mournful groups the next morning as the class gathered for further questioning. The num- ber oi world-famed celebrities in the gathering was astounding. Lt. Berg seemed to be having some diffi- culty getting proceedings started, for he conferred long and earnestly with his assistant. Meanwhile, the famous Wall Street tycoon, Harry Bowles, stood listening blandly to the latest exploits

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with typical Army disapproval at the Marines-Gem erals Duncan Willy tresplendent in a gorgeous new uniform trimmed with gold braidl, Francis Baker tsaid to be the Army's toughest characterl, and the Air Corps pilots, famous for their eccentric hedgehopping, Iack Barrie and Elvin Harris. Detective Ryan, following the example of his chief, was quietly questioning a group of America's best- known women-Margaret Nichols, who has just re- turned from a secret expedition to the Island of Bali, Miss Martha Pleasant, Superintendent of Nurses at New York's famed Bellevue, Miss Marjorie Thomas, 1955's blooming debutante, Margie Schmidt, America's foremost furniture designer, Ruth Kaechele, the ardent lecturer and lobbyist for women's rights, and her col- league, Nancy Ellett, national head of the League of Women Voters, American Legion Auxiliary, and Daughters of the War of 1942. Finally, giving up in disgust, Detective Ryan turned to the athletic element-that virile outdoor sportsman, Henry Koopman, who recently stated that he owes his success to early rising and punctuality, the foremost woman athlete, Norma Wetherby, who is breaking every imaginable sports record at the swank St. Astor- built Hotel, Dorothy Gray, world-famed Olympic swim- ming coach, and Dick Sayers, baseball star and win- ner of the Three Strikes Trophy for distinctive playing. Arguing loudly with two pessimistic officers who had refused to allow them to step out for a drink- of water, were Miss Betty Haynes, the Chorus Queen, and her booking agent for Ringling Bros., Iohn Bush- nell. The frustrated officers were finally forced to give up in favor of the quiet persuasion of electrical engi- neers, Fred Gygax and Iohn Nadler, the skilled tool- and-die maker, Don Morgan, and the airplane mechanic, Earl Hickman. Suddenly amid the tumult Lt. Berg raised his hand significantly to bring the group to silence. Ladies and gentlemen, he began impressively, the mystery has been solved. Silence engulfed the crowded room. Lt. Berg glanced appreciatively about before plung- ing on. The pin which was thought to belong to a member of the East High Class of '42 has been identi- . sf. ,ug K L.. fied. Questioning looks registered on the faces of the assembled crowd. ' Well, Chief, Ryan finally lresponded hopefully. l Berg, taking the long-awaitled cue, went on impor- tantly. The pin has been i entified as a souvenir from the East Greenwich Rod o on 42nd Street. Significant glances passedi through the crowd. Finally, unable to contain hirriself longer, the head of the Quiet Hour yelled, But wiho murdered her? Lt. Berg, turning slightly pirik, but keeping his dig- nity, replied coolly, We havelevery reason to believe that the butler is responsible 'for the crime. Knowing looks again circulited among the crowds, and a few daring souls even tooped to putting wag- ging fingers to their heads. Fi! ally the booking agent for Ringling Bros. voiced th thought uppermost in everyone's mind. But she ndver had a butlerl True, replied Lt. Berg calriily. Then how could a non-existent butler do it? That remains a question, 3 Berg replied. But the butler always does it in murdler stories. And besides -we're working on that angle. You've got to give us time. Silence enshrouded the rocim. Berg failed in his attempt to look belligerent arid began to fidgit ner- vously. Finally, Detective Ryan, taking pity on his superior, suggested, I guess 1we're all through with the suspects now, eh, boss? X Yes, I guess so, Berg admitted. Sorry for all the trouble, he apologized sheepfshly. The entire group gazed with steely eyes, although a few pitying souls smiled anaemically at the bewil- dered lieutenant. Finally turning as a body, the entire group filed slowly out of the apartment. As the group retreated, Lt. Berg remarked proudly to Detective Ryan, Quite a bunch, aren't they? And Detective Ryan, gazing after the retreating form of the statistic's expert from Cdtrnegie institute, sighed in agreement, Yes, sir, some class. I i 1