Delaware Valley College - Cornucopia Yearbook (Doylestown, PA)

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l'lll'1Gl.lZANER ll taneously ejaculated his loud deci- sion of not guilty. His honor later explained that my innocence was simply due to the fact that we were classmates. Upon dismissal from the court- room, and not being accustomed to the confusing streets of New York's downtown, I unconscious- ly wand-ered into the Bowery. A pawnshop on this highway is noth- ing extraordinary, but when three gold balls are accompanied with the following sign: Louis Kaskin lends money to the poor, bring your diamonds for security, you. too, would hesitate long enough to read it. To satisfy my curiosity, I entered, and without any signs of welcome a short primeval-looking man came toward me and said, Mister, you look sick and- wor- ried, let me sell you a revolver, and then, recognizing me, he sprang forward and joyfully em- braced me as he would his wife following a stroke of good busi- ness. NVe chatted for a while, but with thoughts of my wife at home, I soon bid him a hearty farewell. During the last ter. years many changes have taken place. I was surprised to see eighty-story sky- scrapers replace such memorable mansions as the Bowery Mission, Maxy's Busy Bee and other such institutions I commonly frequented in my youth. Not being accustom- ed to the confusion, I decided to leave the city. Astonishment was beyond description. Un my way to the railroad station I noticed the horsecars still in operation in competition with the Aeroplane Transportation Co.,f' with huge aeroplanes flying to and fro direct- ly.above the car line. Once again I was comfortably seated in the Twentieth Century Limited of the Erie K. R., which, by the way, has already eliminated the usual stops for repairs at every station. On entering the dining car, a richly attired gentleman met me with a questioning glance, His striking resemblance to one of my old' classmates aroused my curio- sity, and I decided to dine at the same table. Upon his remark as to the quality of the spuds, I no longer doubted that it was Nathan Magram, the owner of the largest dairy herd in the country. He explained to me that he ac- cumulated his fortune with the aid of his knowled-ge of animal breeding he obtained from Prof. Bishop. When I inquired for a reason of his not persuing his previous inten- tions of poultry farming, he smiled wisely and replied that his wife and children depended solely upon him for support, and to avoid trouble with mother-in-law he was com- pelled to enter some profitable line of farming. At the Richmondale Station Mr. Magram alighted, and as the sta- tion was an important one, the train waited quite some time. On walking out to the back platform to view the beautiful scenery, a short, sun-burned individual was patiently waiting for the train to pull up and allow him to proceed. He carried all his personal belong- ings in a red bandanna at the end of a heavy cane, balanced over his shoulder. It occurred to me that the towels l used to exchange with Mike Selecter bore a similar re- semblance. lrlis microscopic ap- pearance greatly helped me to

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10 THE GLEANER but a report signed by P. Han- charow, treasurer, contradicted the above statement. Upon leaving the hotel, I per- ceived an extensive sign displayed across the entire width of the street, but what arrested my atten- tion was not the size nor the dom- inant colors, but the following an-- nouncement 1 Tonight 7.30 P, M. Tonight At the Royal Auditorium B. VVade, of the Socialist Party QAffirmativej vs. C. Abrams, of the Anarchist Party tNegativej Will debate the great civic ques- tion, Resolved, That the Company of an Old Maid Is Preferable to an Ulcerated Toothachef' The fact that I had telegraphed my wife that I would arrive aboard the Mixed Star S. S. New Britain prevented my presence at the popu- lar debate. Un the second day of my home- ward voyage, I decided to investi- gate the mechanical department of the vessel, and upon inquiring for a guide, the chief engineer, whose voice and size proved to be that of C. bl. Toor, responded. He con- gratulated me on my success and we soon drifted into the discussion of the newly proposed bridge across the Atlantic, emigration to the North Pole, the repeated fail- ure of VVoinan Suffrage, Ben. Kes- sehnan's possibility for president and other current topics. lle also extended regards to me from I.. gl. l leishinan, who was first officer on the hattleship Iloylestownf' .Xt last we passed the Statue of l.ihcrty, which was resting wearilv against a post, disgusted with the failure of the enactment of Sena- tor S. J. Billig's statute recom- mending pensions for aged and in- tirm cats. I disembarked at Battery Park. where a jitney driver, who later introduced himself as J, VVolf, of- fered his services. A traffic cop, whose grace and gentleness im- pressed me as that of H. Citron. motioned- us to stop. On recogniz- ing us, he expressed his sympathy and regret, but duty-bound escort- ed us to the courtroom. We later learned that the odor and foul gas- es escaping from our tin lizzie was a violation of the city ordi- nance. I never felt so much at home as I did that evening, when I found myself in a cell, with a space be- tween the heavy iron bars disclos- ing an intimate scene. The imme- diate environment strongly re- sembled our former Segal Hall conditions. There was Bill More- inis eagerly offering his hand, but it was all in vain-the width of the long hallway interfered, I also ob- served that his fellow-inmates, H. Stamen and Isaac Oxenhandler. each occupied neighboring cells. It grieved me to see those pioneers of Scientific Agriculture imitating the idle rich. hut I was greatly re- lieved when I learned that for six- teen hours each day they cheerful- ly contributed their labors toward that enormous heap of cobhlestones in the prison yard, The following morning I was given an opportunity to plead my innocence. The judge, V. K. lfischloivitz. upon hearing my name called hy the clerk, almost simul-

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12 THE GLEANER identify my long-parted pal, I offered him a somewhat more rapid manner of traveling, but he Hatly refused, saying, My fortune, the price of a square meal, will increase in proportion to the d-is- tance I cover while traveling to the Far VVest. He was already two miles west of the town of Philadel- phia, According to previous arrange- ments, I was to meet my wife at the terminal in the city of Reading and from there proceed for a short trip through the country. As the next train from the east was not due for fully two hours, I obtained a local newspaper and found com- fort in the waiting room. There were two very interesting articles I could not delay reading. One was that Arthur Levintow, a former Farm School student, was constructing the largest range of greenhouses in the eastern United States. The other item appeared under the Social Swirl. It sim- ply announced that Abraham Kle- vansky, the pretzel king of Read- ing, has been engaged to be mar- ried to the Steel King's daughter, Maggie Schmaltz. It certainly was a pleasure to know that good old Arthur and Abe had at last real- ized their ambitions. The puffing engine arrived at the terminal and I hurriedly step- ped aboard the train, where I was soon in the fond embrace of my loving wife, Hur destination was Norrisburg, Montana. It was not l ng before the monotony of the journey was disturbed by the ap- pearance of a short uniformed lad. who loudly displayed his salesman- ship ability by announcing the con- tents of his basket. His youthful voice betrayed his identity, for lo! behold! There stood joe Ellner. However, his humble position would not inter- fere with my acknowledgement of an old acquaintance. I motioned him to follow me into the smoker, where I gave him a letter of rec- ommendation to the president of that line, Mr. Harold Archibald Zack. No more events of any im-- portance occurred until we .finally arrived at Norrisburg. We were gladly welcomed into the western town. Mortimer Har- kavy, whom I met later, was the mayor of that burg, but during his spare time he had accumulated a young fortune in repairing injured umbrellas. The spirit of travel soon over- took us and we decided to study life in the south. Accordingly, our next stop was at Rastusville, Ala- bama, where I inspected a prosper- ous and progressive cotton planta- tion. The owner of the plantation, Louis Rubinotf, boasted of the fact that his prosperity was the result of close economy, together with low-salaried employees. VVe continued our observations of southern conditions by journey- ing in an automobile. jacksonville, Florida, proved to be a delightful city. It contained several fine places of amusements. To one of these I was tempted. At the entrance to the circus a short. dark-complexioned gentleman was proclaiming an elegant program, and concluded by announcing the admission fee.