Delaware Valley College - Cornucopia Yearbook (Doylestown, PA)

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THE GLIEANER 9 head, with a well-developed mental apparatus, was at the beginning of the year initiated as a member of our class. Kaskin, who pleaded not guilty to the charge of belonging to the genus homo and was will- ing to supply the missing link, was also admitted- to our ranks. This year made us noble Seniors, and dignity, awe and reverence followed us. As this year was the last stage in our mental uplift, we set to our task and worked laboriously, but as all work and no play makes .lack a dull boy, we supplemented our course with plenty of play. At the end of the summer we found our hearts aching and our souls longing for the Camp Arden damsels, who left us then to return to our daily task and drudgery. The following few months passed quietly, though sadly. Now we number 27 men, plus VVade. who are about to face the world with all its intricacies, and all of us striving for the best. We thank Providence that this history is a pleasant refiection of our life during the three years' stay at school, and- we may profit bv it. PROPHECY BENJAMIN KESSELLIAN VVhile journeying through the British Isles I visited the Island of Guernsey. It was there that I pur- chased some valuable cattle as an addition to my herd in Connecti- cut. Owing to their merited quali- ties it was difficult to procure cows which surpassed all former rec- ords, but fortunately, to my great surprise, I overheard the proprie- tor's name, Solomon Shapiro. The name sounded familiar, and upon being introduced, can you imagine the joy I felt when two classmates meet after a lapse of ten years? To- gether we toured through his vast estate, talking over old times. I-Ie explained that his success was due to the earnest labors of his faith- ful superintendent, B. H. Ezrin, who developed the champion milk- producing cow of the worl-1. Masie Middleton's Pride. From there I proceeded to Lon- don to arrange for my homeward journey. As I entered the Ritz- Carlton, N. NV. London. I was startled to hear my name called out, and upon turning about. there was I-I. Sweitzer laying claim to mv friendship fwho. bv the way. was then employed as the doorman at the hotell. Naturally. I could not bear to see my classmate under such circumstances and I presented him with a four-figure check. Dill'- nble at the Bank of Mexico. where Baron A, S. Feldman, according to newspaper reports. was recentlv elected president. The paper also stated that the financial standing of that institution was unfavorable.

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8' THE GLEAN ER fact that this personage distin- guished himself in the field of Cleveland oratory and literature, and that his intentions were to ac- quaint our barn occupants with Shakespearean tragedy. On the same day, Stamen, a half-baked Boston bean, made his appearance on the campus. Then in rapid suc- cession, Solomon Shapera, the boy wonder of New York, and Abe Klevansky, with a well-fertilized crop of red-top meadow grass on his dome, appeared on the scene Shortly afterwards, Billig, an au- thority on well-shaped and white- breasted chickens, made his ap- pearance. Later, it was discovered that, after graduation, he expected to follow the occupation of chicken inspector. Rubinoff, a callow youth, with an oriental physiog- nomy, after assuring the immigra- tion authorities of the school that he did not arrive from japan, but from the smoky city of Pittsburgh. was allowed to land safely. Many more were called to the arena, but few were chosen and linally our numbers settled to fifty-one. .Xt this time the hot summer days were al..out gone. Class room work had already commenced, anil lo. behold we found ourselves badly inoculated with aphis and our heads overstocked with bugs. Some of the students. with an abundant stock of these articles, supplied thein gratis for experimental pur- poses. and, with the aid of Profes- sor Iiorden, who was added to the teaching stalli, we made great progress. So things slowly but surely pro- gressed. Wie participated in all school activities, including farm work, digestion of meals and night- ly room inspections. Our class, as all classes previous, was not im- mune to natural selection, and we strongly adhered to God's holy law, the survival of the fittest. Seven- teen would-be agriculturists have deserted our ranks. They thought that farming was too delicate and dainty a profession, and have, therefore, answered the call of the wildf, and went back whence they came, and- thirty-four of us were left to start the junior year. Our second year was a prosper- ous one. The new class that ar- rived for a three years' vacation was welcomed by us with extreme kindness and brotherly love. Al- though they were Freshies, God made them, and we, therefore, let them pass as men and prayed for their welfare. This year was well spent in hard work and study, but at the same time athletics played a prominent part in our career. Some of our members with solid, non- fragile craniums, captured import- ant positions in school athletic activities and we avenged- the de- feats we suffered the previous year in the interclass games. Some of our high-domed and brainy youths have gained recognition on THE tire.-xx1zR staff In fact, this sec- ond year proved our worth. VVe were thoroughly imbued with the Farm School spirit. Our third year in this institution of agricultural learning found us. despite the trials of adversity, earn- estly resolved to continue the work once begun, and help this farming of ours along. Fishlowitz, with his brick-colored skull appendages, ow- ing to the rare celebrity of a thick

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10 THE GLEANER but a report signed by P. Han- charow, treasurer, contradicted the above statement. Upon leaving the hotel, I per- ceived an extensive sign displayed across the entire width of the street, but what arrested my atten- tion was not the size nor the dom- inant colors, but the following an-- nouncement 1 Tonight 7.30 P, M. Tonight At the Royal Auditorium B. VVade, of the Socialist Party QAffirmativej vs. C. Abrams, of the Anarchist Party tNegativej Will debate the great civic ques- tion, Resolved, That the Company of an Old Maid Is Preferable to an Ulcerated Toothachef' The fact that I had telegraphed my wife that I would arrive aboard the Mixed Star S. S. New Britain prevented my presence at the popu- lar debate. Un the second day of my home- ward voyage, I decided to investi- gate the mechanical department of the vessel, and upon inquiring for a guide, the chief engineer, whose voice and size proved to be that of C. bl. Toor, responded. He con- gratulated me on my success and we soon drifted into the discussion of the newly proposed bridge across the Atlantic, emigration to the North Pole, the repeated fail- ure of VVoinan Suffrage, Ben. Kes- sehnan's possibility for president and other current topics. lle also extended regards to me from I.. gl. l leishinan, who was first officer on the hattleship Iloylestownf' .Xt last we passed the Statue of l.ihcrty, which was resting wearilv against a post, disgusted with the failure of the enactment of Sena- tor S. J. Billig's statute recom- mending pensions for aged and in- tirm cats. I disembarked at Battery Park. where a jitney driver, who later introduced himself as J, VVolf, of- fered his services. A traffic cop, whose grace and gentleness im- pressed me as that of H. Citron. motioned- us to stop. On recogniz- ing us, he expressed his sympathy and regret, but duty-bound escort- ed us to the courtroom. We later learned that the odor and foul gas- es escaping from our tin lizzie was a violation of the city ordi- nance. I never felt so much at home as I did that evening, when I found myself in a cell, with a space be- tween the heavy iron bars disclos- ing an intimate scene. The imme- diate environment strongly re- sembled our former Segal Hall conditions. There was Bill More- inis eagerly offering his hand, but it was all in vain-the width of the long hallway interfered, I also ob- served that his fellow-inmates, H. Stamen and Isaac Oxenhandler. each occupied neighboring cells. It grieved me to see those pioneers of Scientific Agriculture imitating the idle rich. hut I was greatly re- lieved when I learned that for six- teen hours each day they cheerful- ly contributed their labors toward that enormous heap of cobhlestones in the prison yard, The following morning I was given an opportunity to plead my innocence. The judge, V. K. lfischloivitz. upon hearing my name called hy the clerk, almost simul-