Dedham High School - Reflections Yearbook (Dedham, MA)

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YEAR l500K Schultz: I thought not! Miss Envy, what did M rs. Metiuinness do with the butter that xkllll White accidentally llliltll' .' Envy: Oh, she used that for the teachers' luncheon. Schultz: Then it. wasn't wasted? E11vy: No, it XVZISIIII. Schultz: As a matter of fact didn't tl1e teachers all ask where the lovely butter came from? Envy: Yes, I guess they did. Schultz: Miss EllVj', IIEISIIII Mr. Ileaphy IIIll'IlflX had to plead and beg and OVCII yell to get classes to pay their athletic dues .' Envy: Oh, yes, it's part of his routine. Ile does it every year. Schultz: -Inst how did Mr. Ileaphy outfit his IPRIIIIN that year .' Envy tdepreciatinglyj : Oh, ISI!!! nianaged to scrape together enough dues. Schultz: Indeed! Are you sure .' E11vy: Oh, very, because I 1'0I1lPl1lllt'1' the rush for reduced tickets. Schultz: Tllflllli you, Miss E11vy. Your testimony has been very helpful. tllliss Envy returns to IICI' seat. and Schultz sits down, looking very satisfied Mr. Liverwurst takes the tloor.D liiverwurst: Your ll0ll0l', in additio11 to the testimony of my elient-atesti- mony wl1icl1 the defense failed to damage-li wisl1 to read so111e excerpts from the actual will. Please bear in mind that these passages were Wl'lllGl1 hy tl1e late 1932 himself. tHe reads from an enormous roll, his voice showing tI1c deepest disgust, and completest contempt for wl1at he 1-eadsb: I leave Nils Ohman's uncany ability to chisel high marks from teachers, to Dorothy Cripps, as tl1e poor girl 111ust have so111e onels help. Is that a sane bequest ? XVould a co1npletely normal 111an leave Ohman's ability to a11y one but Mike Pappas? I will read another: I leave Edward Fetter's managership of the advertising p1'ogra1n of the senior play to Eleanor DeVito, because she loves to give oral themes fillfl sales talks. Does that llldlie sense? Does this make sense: I leave Charles Kussmaul's QlllI1USl?tS1l1 for hockey games to Cathie Rabs in order that sl1e lllay 31111189 herself when t'harles cannot come to see her. XVouldn't a11y sane H1311 know that no girl could be amused by flllnljfllliltg wl1en Kussmaul didn 't COIIIG to see her? NVouldn't Hlly sane 1112111 have left this enthusiasm to Margaret Longden? How about this: I leave Ilelen Hurtle's inevitable sneezes to Gail Cowan in order that she 111ay amuse herself in study l1all '? Helen IIll1'll67S sneezes to Gail Cowan! Gail could 11ever l1a11dle tl1e1n. NVhy, it would take at least Bozo Turner to do tl1en1 justice. Listen to this-tl1e 1nan who wrote it was supposed to be sane: To tiny Brackett I leave Roy Pederson 's extremely loud voice i11 llllf hope that he lllily find it helpful in bookkeeping. VVould a sa11e 1112111 have thought so? Your ll0ll01', I do 11ot wisl1 to take up any more of your valuable time. I do not need a profusion of details to prove 111y point. I would, however. like to read you just o11e more excerpt. Here it is: I leave Mildred Sukowske's blond hair, Lois Nay's pink cheeks, and Anna Hayes' sweet smile to . . . IIOIIOY Capone I Your honor, I rest. tHe sits down importantly. Schultz rises.D Schultz: Your honor, the arguments presented by lllr. Liverwurst are of utterly no consequence. The passages he read you prove nothing. If, your honor, if Robert Henderson 's ability to supervise Adele Clancy 's French recita- tions had been bequeathed to Forest Auld, rather tl1a11 to tl1at wizard, Donald Brown, then, your honor, one might have l1ad reaso11 to doubt the deceased's sanity. But his choice of beneficiaries was such that there can be absolutely no doubt that he was not only sane but also exceptionally Wise and gifted. I pro- pose first to call as a witness 0116 wl1o knew tl1e deceased well, one who can tell you, Without prejudice, of his true character. Miss 1933. Clerk: Miss 1933. tSl1e comes forwardj Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the Whole truth, and nothing but tl1e truth? e F9512 17

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S- DEDHAM H. S. was of a sound mind. But, your honor, I will show conclusively that the late class of 1932 suffered from dementia praecox, paranoia, hypochondria, manic- depi-essive psychoses, and various and sundry unhealthy complexes. .ludgez In less technical language, was he slightly balmy? liiverwurst: In less technical language he was completely cookoo! I will prove this, your honor, by the testimony of my client and by the more devas- tating evidence of the very will itself, First, I shall ask my client, Miss Mali- cious Envy. to take the stand, l'lerk: Miss Malicious Envy! IShe rises and comes before him.j Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Envy: I do. tShe goes to the witness chair and sits down.l Iiiverwurst: Miss Envy, how long had you known the deceased? Envy: For four years. Iiiverwurst: Did you ever notice anything unusual about him? Envy: IVhy, yes. You know he always did everything differently and against custom and convention. Iiiverwurst: t'ouId you give the court some examples of this? Envy: IVell, to begin with in 1929 he gave a freshman party. Only those who had paid their dues were supposed to attend, but Vernon Gill and Taylor Hersey came anyway. Schultz tsprings to the feetl : I object .I udge: Objection overruled Iiiverwurst: Go on. please, Miss Envy. Envy: There were twice as many girls as boys, which made the party entirely unbalanced. Very few of the boys could dance, so games were played. It was a ef'ry queer party. Iiiverwurst: Van you recall any other odd acts of the deceased? Envy: XVell, in 151230 Ann XVhite caused a catastrophe at the lunch counter when she whipped a quart of cream to butter tive minutes before recess. It was a pretty queer thing to do. And then Mr. IIeaphy used to plead and beg and even yell in assemblies, trying to persuade 1932 to pay athletic dues and to attend games and give the teams some support. but it never did any good. The class never paid dues. liiverwurst: Did the class go to the games? Envy: No, never. Iiiverwurst: I thank you. Miss Envy. That will be all. lSits.l Judge: Mr. Schultz, do you wish to cross-examine the witness? Schultz trising and glowering at Envyj: Your honor, yes, I do. Miss Envy. during the four years you knew the deceased were you what you would call a friend of his? Envy: Yes, I was always a close friend of his. Schultz: And do you think your testimony is the sort that would come from a frienrlf Doesn't it rather show the selfish, unscrupulous, dishonest qual- ities that make you- Liverwurst Cwildlyl: I object! Judge: Objection sustained. CTO clerkl Strike that out. Go ahead, Mr. Schultz, and please confine your questions to the case at hand, Schultz: Miss Envy, wasn't the party you described so patronizingly sim- ilar to any party given by children thirteen or fourteen years old? Envy: IVhy, yes, I guess so. I never went to any other party. Schultz: Oh, so you never went to any other party! I'll bet I know Why. CHis sarcasm is a dreadful thing.D So you have nothing on which to base your judgment ? You have no way of comparing that party to any other party. You have no reason for saying it was queer, have you? Envy Cquite wiltedj : VVhy, er-er-no-0-o-o. l932: 16

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1 DIEDHAM H. s. -M- 1933: I do. tShe takes the witness stand.l Schultz: Miss 192333, how long had you known the Class of 19 i 192131: I had known him about three years. Schultz: Did you ever have any reason to doubt his judgment or to believe that his mind was, well, rather hazy? 193153: No, indeed! l always thought very highly of 1932 and respected his judginent in every move he made. Ile had a beautiful clear mind. ,WLDJ -v..t. Schultz: Thank you, Miss 19233. That is all. Judge: Do you wish to cross-examine the witness, Mr. liiverwurst? lliverwurst: I have a few questions. your honor. Miss 1933, you were with deeeased, were you not, on the night ot' May 24, 19331, when in the midst of the prom festivities the decorations, put up hy the deceased, fell upon the amazed guests? 192331: l was, but that was the fault of some playful boy. 1932 would never have done that to any one. liiverwurst: .lust answer my questions, please. IVere you ever with the deceased on any oeeasion when he referred, in any way, shape, or manner to his last will and testament F 1933: Une winter morning' l was with him when we passed Vernon Gill, raeing' through the snow in his trustworthy white sneakers. At that time Mr. 1932 stated that he intended to leave those famous sneakers to Squirt Tilton, so that their reputation eould he upheld for at least another year. Liverwurst: Did you ever hear him admi1'e Howard 1Vatson 's charm for women or say who he thought should inherit this charm? 1933: Ile very often spoke of 1Vatson's dynamic personality: he said he thougrht he would leave it to George Mc-Donald or Max Eaton. Iiiverwurst: Another sign of his foolishness! Did you ever hear him say that he planned to leave Ann YVhite's skill at selling' cookies to her sister Eloise so that the old family tradition would be upheld? 19321 tdouhtfullyl : No, I never heard that. Liverwurst Cjumpingr down her throatl: You're sure you never heard that? 193312: Yes, I'm sure. Oh, don 't ask me these questions! I can't stand it. I loved 19212-I thoufrht everytliing' he did and said was perfect. Oh, Oh, Oh! CShe weeps.J Schultz: Your honor, I think the abuse of my client has gone far enough. I move she be allowed to leave the stand. Liverwurst : I object! -IlldQ't1'Z Objection overruled. The witness may leave the stand. flflilil, assisted hy Schultz, goes hack to her seat. Schultz returns to his position before the -Il1fl,Q'P.l Schultz: Your honor, Mr. Liverwurst read the court some excerpts from the deeeased's will which, he claimed, showed evidence of an unhealthy intellect. I hope your honor will pardon me if I take the time to read in refutation pas- sages that show the clearest insight and finest thought that I have ever been privileged to observe. This, for example, To Dorothy Hill I do bequest Mary IIaley's sniekers in hopes that they will he used more judiciously than in the pastf' Do I need to ask you to admire that? Or take this one: I bequeath Ruth Lonsdale's studiousness and shy, but brilliant re-citations to Bronson IIugg'g'ard to make sure that he maintains his average as an honor student. And here, your honor, he leaves Helen Volk's loud voice and excess Weight to Mary Sullivan, and Ralph LaFreniere's garden outfit to Rachel VVhite. Was Solomon any wiser than 1932? Listen to this: f'I leave Elizabeth Riley's height to Rita Cuinmingls so that she may breathe the purer air of the stratosphere. I leave Eleanor Rhode 's wagging tongue to Florence Stanford, and I leave Charles C' l932 18