David B Oliver High School - Omicron Yearbook (Pittsburgh, PA)

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THE USWICRON CLASS AUCTICD Auctioneer-in-cliicf-Wade Pearson 10 A. M. '4Oh, Mrs. Murphy, are you going to the fbig Auctio11 Sale the Seniors are having at Oliver today?,' Miss McArdle excitedly called over the back fence to Mrs. Murphy. 4'Sure I amf' responded that worthy lady, Wllhe Baileys and Pat and l are going together. I'll see you thcref, Wade Pearson, auctioneer-in-chief for this auspicious occasion takes his stand behind his desk: 2P.M. ulladies and Gentlemen, today, we, the Seniors of Oliver, having a great many possessions we shall not need after February second, wish to obtain as much money as possible by selling them second-hand. In all cases the 12-B's will be given the preference, if possible. The sale will now begin. Customers: ' I have here today a very pleasant condition to sell. Wliait is it? Well, I'1l tell you. Milton Brown, finding it will 'be impossible to continue quite as intimate a friendship for a certain member of the I2-B class as now, wishes to sell to anyone who can prove himself worthy of this friendship. Who wishes to prove his right to have it? J. 0'Donell seems to think he would like it. Wliat do you offer Bookie? You can play the piano! What else? I-Ie adds that he can 'dance and say nice nothings as well. I guess you'll get it, sir. Come and get it. A friendship sold for such a small price! Friends and Enemies: Perhaps the next article is of more interest to the ladies than to thc men. This is a sweet disposition. Perhaps some 12-B would like to purchase it. What? You wish to know how sweet it is. Well, all I can do is to tell you whose it is. It now belongs to Margaret Davies. Oh, I see lots of hands now. Someone bids a sour disposition. Well, Margaret won't sell for that. A pretty face! Margaret has that already. No, thanks. Esther Madden bids a Ford she expects to get next June. Going, going, gone! Sold to Esther Madden for a measly Ford. Senseless Students: I have here a very thin volume called 'QGeneral Ledger for the Ollll' cron. Mr. Harry Franz is very anxious to get rid of this obnoxious book. Wfhat am I offered? A pencil? No, it is worth more than that. A bottle of ink? That's more like it. Any more offers? None? My friends, this priceless book goes to Master Nathan Framer for a 'bottle of ink. I see that both parties are satisfied with the bargain. A , Friends: Hear ye! Hear ye! Ladies and gents, the next article was kindly sub- mitted by Kathryn Miniek. She is leaving Kitten. I Al1yOl16 who would like to have this young lady's place as a sidekick please respond. How much am

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THE OJIFCIQOUY' I bid? What, two measly rubles! Aho, another bid. A pretty miss. Sold to one jolly Juliet by the name of Eleanor Cutler. Now is the chance of a lifetime. Ladies and gentlemen, I now bring before you an article that has prevented many tragedies. Miss Margaret Smith, who is always glad to be obliging is selling this article to save some one's new chiffon hose. This sewing set has covered many miles of runners. What am I bid? Two francs? Going! Going! Gone to Frances Rittmeyer for two francs. Chapel-Mates: Now, ladies and gents, comes the secret of the 12-A class. Now, Frank Ranallo is disclosing his most precious secret because he insists that it remain in Oliver forever. Mr. Ranallo is forced to have auctioned his ability and system to talk deaf and dum'b language in Miss Kiskadden's English class. What am I offered? One tube of Stacomb. Well, well, well, sold to Mr. Ralph Foley who has plenty of Stacomb to spare. Most Industrious Students: The next article is one that can only be sold to a very worthy person. Mr. Pearson is selling this 'because of a promotion which he will receive fpresi- dency of the United Statesb. What am I bid for the presidency of the senior class? What? Repeat, please. Ah, one Robert's Rules of Order. Sold! for an enormous figure to Waldo Wieland. My children: lVIr. Willialn Keenan leaves his book on 'fHow To Blush at The Proper Timef' '4Honey thinks he will be braver when he gets out in the world and meets lots of girls. Is there a 12-B who blushes and wishes to learn when it is proper to blush? William Beck? Are you sure you will read this book and follow the instructions, night and morning? All right, then, and what do you offer? All the nerve you can spare? Well, Keenan, are you satisfied with that? Yes. Going, going, gone. ' Ladies: The next article we have for sale is of interest to you only. Adelaide Troutman, tl1e most blonde girl in our class, has been darkening her hair with Sage Tea, so we say. Why have light hair when you might have dark? Now she wishes, for unknown reasons, to sell l1er tea. Vlfho bids? Miss Sara Clarke bids a inflate. Adelaide, I am sorry to say, declines to accept that in payment for her remedy. Leanna Freeland bids a candy cane she got for Christmas. Adelaide likes candy canes and will sell for one if it is an extra big one. Sold. Ladies and Gentlemen: Miss Adele Eichele wishes to sell to any efficient person her right to tease the pupils in Miss Davidsonis domain. She is very fond of this privilege, but finds it necessary to sell at a very low price. What am I offered? All HA in bookkeeping. Miss Eichele is very anxious to accept this offer. Miss Thelma Freeland has bought Miss Eichele's privilege for an A in bookkeeping. My Friends: The next article to be sold is a book entitled 'fHow to Drive a Dodge. The book is just oil' the press and is quite modern in its text. I'm sure any 12-B will be glad to buy this book if only for its humor. What am I bid? A spare tire? Good. Any more offers? None. Going, going gone to Mr. Fred Win- ter for a spare tire. Although Mr. Winter drives a Studebaker, I'm glad he's interested in a Dodge. The authoris name? Ah, my friends, haven't you guessed that? His name is Mr. William Lindow. Gentlemen: Ladies may listen and bid for the following interest if they choose. Bob Neal has been of late years particularly interested in traffic conditions. He does not wish to see some 'big seventh-grader crush small seniors like Mary Fekula or Kathryn Rice when they rush down to lunch. Who wishes to obtain this just as he pleases. He feels that he must get rid of this habit before he steps into the cold, hard world. The price will be a cartoon as funny as Hugh's fDead silencej. Can this mean that no one is able to purchase? I fear it is so.