Central High School - Helios Yearbook (Grand Rapids, MI)

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A nnuai Helios Doctor: XYeIl, did the prescription that I gave you straighten you out? Beckman: It certainly did. Doctor: Fine, Beckman: Yes, I was Hat on my hack for a week. Lucille XYalsh: XYhat does L. L. D. mean after a man's name? Pearl Perrin: OIL it means that he is a lung and liver doctor. Yan Bree: T see where they operated on a Philadelphia boy's head to make a better boy of him. R. Maycock: That isn't where my dad used to operate on me to make a better boy of me. Ruth Alward: She gets her complexion from her father. Louise Townsend: know her father was a chemist. ls that so? T didn't rx Heard in the lunchroom: XYonder how they make this hash? Huh, they don't make it. It just accumu- lates. l Kathleen XXI-bb: XYhat are you going to do when you get out ot SCIIUOITH H hl. XVorden: Sell my books. FOR SALE! I I I Five English Literatures, two Physics books. and other varieties of excellent reading mat- ter. If you are interested in bargains. don't miss this' onellll For further inquiries please call Marion XYaldon who is leaving school and her literary career to take up automobile rac- ing as her future profession. Ben De Graff: Is your Packard friend com- ing tonight? jane Rutka: No, ll. D.: Dodge Brothers? A J. R.: No, this is lYilly's Knight. Nineteen Twenty-Three Amelia XVeiger twatching an aeronautl: I'd hate to he coming down in that parachute. Louis Snyder: l'd hate to Ire coming down without it. Roger Cutcheon ten one of his hunts for knowledgel: XYhy do you put that white stuff between the bricks? Bricklayer: To keep the bricks together, you sap. Roger: lt looks to me as if it keeps them apart. Judge: Are you guilty or not guilty uf this charge. Mr. Moore? Hulman: Not guilty, your honor. Is it my fault if a man dies from being hit by a piece of soft coal that I've thrown at him? :Xt Senior Class Mock Election: The peo- ple want Dick Crow for class wit, shouted the loud-mouthed. wild-eyed orator. Theodore XYrig'ht: I think he would be perfectly able to till the position. Miss Hayes: You ought to rise when ine cock crows, Harold. H. Denio: Cant M. H.: 'XYhy not? Harold: XN'e keep ducks. Said a bald-headed man to a waitress lnildi See here. young woman, my cocoa's cold. lint she scornfully replied in a monotony.-: l'ut on your hat and cox er your clothe! Mary lfanberg: Mother, has my mail ct-me vi-t ' Mother: I do wish you'd quit using that terrible slang, Y Iiurton How many lwolileiiis did you ITIFN, Leonard? I tonard Greenway: I missed the first three and got one wrong, XYiIfred Porter: XYould you like to go to the senior party Helen Zimmer: I should say l would. XYiIfred: XYill you buy your ticket from me? Playing Safe The dear old ladv entered the drug store and looked doubtfully at Burton Morrison behind the counter. I suppose, she began, that you are a properly qualified druggistiu Yes, madamef' You have passed all the examinations? Certainly, Never poisoned anybody by mistake? Not to my knowledge. Very well, then, she replied, heaving a sigh c-f relief and laying a coin on the counter. You may give me a nickel's worth uf cough drops. 113

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A nnual Helios Society Sneezers This week promises to be a big one as far as the social calendar is concerned. for the news has leaked out that Hazel Baarman is going to sling a swell rastle at the Castle. She plans decorating the joint with dead trout and pea- uut bushes. The music tkind term! is to be furnished by Smith's Simple Syncopators in collaboration with F. Hatch's Harmonizers. In the latter organization are presented to the public M. W'heaton, playing the sweet potato, and E. Green on the organ. .Xtiiong the coup- les that have got invites are Hazel Baarman, and Robert Dibble, H. Eucalyptus Baarman and Robert Metzgar. H. Haarrnan and jnlin Baker, and Hazel Eucalyptus Baarman and Adrian Buys. XVe predict this to be a mean shuffle with all them feet on the floor. An Old Tale Told in Lunnon. Two countrymen came up to London for the first time and stayed in a NYest End hotel. After they had changed for dinner they set forth in search ofthe staircase. and came upon a dark lift shaft. the gate of which had been left open by a careless attendant. Seeing lights below him, the first man stepped down. There was a dull thnd, Are you all right, Jarge? shrieked his companion anxiously. Yes, came the feeble reply, but mind the first step, it's a deep 'un. With Static Trouble Four-year-old Bobby was being taken for a walk on the street and he and his mother passed a gang of Italian workmen jabberiug ex- citedly in their native tongue. Oh, mamma, he ejaculated, it sounds just like the bedtime story on our radio. Moving Along .-X colored gentleman, sauntering down a Georgia road, came upon an acquaintance seat- ed on a tree trtiuk and putting audibly. Rastus, he inquired as a means toward starting a conversation, has yo-all jined dis Ku Klux yet? Nope, answered Rastus between his pant- ings. but dis Ku Klux has been tryin' to jine me fo' de las' fo' miles an' a half. Helen Aldrich: There, Miss Clay, I recited without my notes. Miss Clay: I suspected that something was missing. Maybelle Timmer was telling uf her experi- ences while camping: .-Xnd all at once l stepped right ou a big rattlesnake. How did you know it was a rattlesnake? someone asked. l could hear its teeth chattering the mom- ent it saw me, answered little Maybelle. Nineteen Twenty- Three There used to be a man in our town who was so stingy that he married an armless wo- man to keep from buying the ring. He used to stop the clock at night so as not to wear out the works. He would look over his glasses to keep from wearing them out. He used to take long steps when he walked to save his shoes. He learned to write shorthand so he would not use so much ink. Vvhen he sent his hired man into the orchard he would keep him whistling all the time so that he could not eat any of the fruit. He took his food in capsules to save his teeth. Once he lost his pocketbcok with twenty dollars in it. .-X man found it. returned it, and found that he was charged interest on the money while it had been in his possession. John Janssen: Elin Lingren ought to make a good housewife tor she has been scrub team tor two years. on the Upton: Spring why weren't you out for track yesterdayf' Spring: I've been sick. S. R. Lf: NYhat's the complaint? jordan: Everything that I eat goes to my stomach. XYe heard that Hazel Goshorn thought that she left her watch at home and then found that she was looking at it to see if she had time to go back and get it. Ed. Stickney: Mother, where do they keep the cross-eyed bear in Sunday school, Mrs. Stickney: XYhat cross-eyed bear? Ed.: Oh, the Cfnsecrated Cross I'd Bear that they sing about all the time. Leonard Koets: lt would be hard to match my hair. Evelyn Smith: don't mislay it. Yes, for heaven's sake. Miss Powers, in Latin: Slave, where is thy lltil'SL'? . Gordon XXI-ldon: Really, l wasn't using it. Mr. Smith: How would you measure the heighth of a building using the aneroid baro- meter? ,l. .-Xlta: Lower the barometer by a string frcm the top and then measure the string. Lester Smith: Did you hear this story about Rt-ed's Lake? XYalt Decker: No, let's hear it. L. Smith: Oh, I guess not. lt's too deep. Virginia Brown ttranslatingt: The beauti- ful girl ptit her arm around the white cow. Leonard Finkler: XYhat a waste of affec- tion. Harold Mcfrackenz Hey waiter. bring me a dish of turtle soup and make it snappy. 112

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