Cedaredge High School - Cedar Chest Yearbook (Cedaredge, CO)

Page 22 text:

Now the only means I have to fend off madness 1S a small telev1s1on screen The Russ1ans don t real1ze lt but my 1ngen1ous bra1n has dev1sed a way to p1ck up Amer1can TV broadcasts w1thout h1nder1ng Sov1et recept1on of my Sputmk The program I am watch1ng r1ght now IS Th1s lS a L1fe'P It seldom appeals to me but all the other channels have Westerns After such a long t1me of watchmg TV 1ncessantly Westerns get monotonous Walt what 1S thlS7 The l1fe belng por trayed now 13 one of my old schoolmates' The famous actress Charlene Jones' She has won ten Oscars f1fteen Emm1es and f1ve husbands' Wow' Oh they are br1ng1ng 1n some of Charlene s old frlends Hey I know them That s Roger Steele' The Master of ceremon1es tlt s Max Kendrlckl says that Roger IS now one of the most prom1nent Judges 1n San Franc1sco He pres1ded over the famous M1ller vs the State of Cal1forn1a case I remember that Delbert found a flaw 1n the State Const1tut1on that enabled lawyers to operate a profltable racket He had every lawyer 1n the State agamst h1m but he managed to conv1nce the Jury so he won the case Del always was a good talker Now back to the program I msure that man over 1n the corner 1S Dave Logue Max IS say1ng that Dave 1S st1ll m1lk1ng cows back 1n good old Cedaredge He has h1s own place now and IS very consc1ent1ous about staymg home so he can be sure and get h1s cows m1lked every morn1ng That g1rl over there must be Lo1s Adams She has had a wonderful career as a fash1on model 1n New York She 1S wearlng the absolute latest the box' lt s a rev1val of the chemlse of several years back' She looks pOS1t1Ve1y stunn1ng' And there s the woman des1gner who brought the sack for box as lt 1S called nowl look back Another old fr1end Marg1e Ham1lton She says she des1gned It spec1f1cally for Lo1s She looks pretty good 1n lt also Oh darn Now they have to have the1r l1ttle commerc1al Oh walt' The lovely g1rl that 1S advert1s1ng th1s 1s Jo Ann Dobb1n' Jo Ann of the Pepsodent sm1le She s not advert1s1ng toothpaste' She s advertlsmg that great 1nvent1on of Dan KISSDCT Danny lS really mak1ng a fortune off that red ha1r dye Now nearly every one has ha1r the same color that Danny s has always been He 1S now work1ng on a formula for freckles The commerc1al IS over and now Mr Kendr1ck 15 gett1ng out an old album of Charlene s and br1ng1ng out some of the people whose p1ctures are 1n lt Here 1S Venna Peterson She has been l1v1ng 1n Afr1ca for the past s1x years She 1S the most famous female b1g game hunter 1n the world today She holds several records for troph1es but the one she can t seem to break 1S Bob Johnson s record for ele phant tusks Bob has an elephant head Wlth tusks seventy feet long Venna suspects foul play but there 1S no way she can prove the tusks are not genu1ne they re 1vory all r1ght And Bob has sworn that he shot the elephant 1n fact he Just strode on stage and 1ns1sted he d1d Venna and Bob are havmg harsh words Max had a b1t of trouble gett1ng them calmed down Th1s could mean a lawsult' Here comes Maxme Peebler She has Just shaken the art world w1th her fabulous new pa1nt1ng Fru1t and P1tcher Wlth Omelet She pa1nts 1n the old surreahst style but though her style be old fash1oned she does a fabulous Job She has just revealed the secret of her umque style She stands across the room and throws pamt at her canvas She says her best pa1nt1ng IS that on the wall back of her easel If only she could transfer lt to canvas the world would have a master PIECE' And now Ralph L1nscott Ralph has t1red of convent1onal1ty so he has Jomed the Beat Generat1on He reads poetry accompan1ed by Jazz 1n a dark San Franc1sco cellar The pay may not be so hot he says but the work IS d1fferent You d be surpr1sed how many people engoy that sort of th1ng Well that program IS s1gn1ng off It has been so long s1nce Ihave really enjoyed telev1s1on The next program IS one of those crazy var1ety shows It s MC Charles Hawk1ns the Ed Sull1van of today He has a nat1onally synd1cated column a New York TV varlety show and a poker face Ed Sull1van II H1s f1rst guest 1S that wonderful comed1enne Jenn1e Wh1te She does 1m1ta t1ons of celebr1t1es and comedy rout1nes Tomght she 1S pok1ng fun at Secretary of State Anderson Poor Don S1nce he got 1nto pO11t1CS 1t seems everyone Just makes fun of h1m Next on th1s program IS that fabulous dance team Phen1ce and Lovato It 1S a Joy to watch them so graceful l1ke they were b1rds 1n fl1ght Mary Ann 1S certa1nly a wonderful baller1na and Harry IS Just unbel1evab1e And now one of the most unusual acts ever to be seen on even the HaWk1HS show Carol Eckert w1l1 perform her colossal mus1c act She plays the p1ano Wlth her toes the flute w1th her hands and beats her head on a drum lt s unusual all r1ght Charles has now 1ntroduced the latest smgmg rage 1n the rock n roll set Joyce Jones Her new record ROCk1H 1n the Tag Mahal has already sold over a m1ll1on cop1es and has only been released two days She IS the greatest sensat1on S1nce Elv1s Presley 18 . . , . . . . . . . 1 . . . H . . . ,, J . 1 - J ' ' . , - , , . . . . . , . , . . , . , . . . . . 1 1 . . , . . . . . .v . I -- ' , . . . . . , ' ll YY Il lv ' ' . , . . , . , . . , . . , . , . . , . . . . U I - . , . . , . . . . . . . . . . , . , - .n . . . . , . 1 .v 1 . -- ' n . . ,, . . . . ,, . . , . .r - J . , ' . . , ' . , , . . , . . . . . . , . . , . , , . . .v - ' , . . . , -- . -- , ' 1 F ' , . . , . . . , , 1 ll ' I, ' ' 17 U I .

Page 21 text:

CHARLES HAWKINS BRYCE MORTON MARTHA MC COY CLASS PROPHECY I am now on my 10 199th trip around the earth. I am becoming accustomed to the hurtling flight of this small moon. Finally. My present quarters consist of a small spherical room full of intricate instruments. Ibreathe eat and drink through tubes. Now I am fighting to preserve my sanity though I really don t know why I don t know how long it has been since I was exiled from earth and sentenced to ride Sputnik 144 until death. I have no record of time no calendar no clock My crime was talking slight resemblance to my old high school history teacher I had finally convinced him I was as fine a Communist as any. fActually I was an agent for the FBD. I was feeling rather proud of myself when he surprised me by asking Who do you think will win the pennant in the American League? I was caught off guard and before Ihad realized what I was saying Isaid Yan- kee! He pointed an accusing finger at me and said Yankee! lwas tried and convicted right there and shot into space the next day I7

Page 23 text:

Now Mr HaWk1HS 1S present1ng the p1lots and crew who made the f1rst tr1p outs1de our solar system The commander of the Shlp was Gene MacAdams who was also along on the f1rst tr1p to Mars and Venus By now Gene 1S such an ex per1enced space traveler he floats 1nstead of walk1ng Gene 1S st1lla great ham though he even brought along the cosm1c ray gun to terrorlze the audlence The other members of the crew are Joyce Conner the fxrst woman space sh1p p1lot 1n h1story Dave Pen1ck and Merle Conrad It seems that Joyce d1d most of the fly1ng on th1s tr1p and when asked for comments on the tr1p she slmply Sald I m t1red' I guess I can t blame the poor g1rl but 1f she were 1n my place I wonder what she d say At least she had company' It does get awfully lone some up here The next feature on the program IS Bobby Graham s great football team Bobby has coached the Cubs for flV9 years and 1n that t1me has bu1lt the greatest team ever 1mag1ned 1n a h1gh school Th1s telev1s1on appearance IS the cl1max of a great season for the Cedaredge team They have establ1shed a record for h1gh school teams that surpasses most college records Yes Bob 1S really a great coach However though the coach deserves much Credlt the players must have the1r due of glory Bob s star quarterback IS an 18 year old g1rl named Pat Gabr1el not the Patty I know but her daughter' She takes her mother s malden name for her pseudonym Yes her mother lS 1n the w1ngs she IS called to g1Ve comment on hav1ng a football player as a daughter Patty has only one comment to make I tr1ed but she s a tomboy I guess that IS the last of that program Ill try sw1tch1ng channels Here s a news broadcast I ll see what IS go1ng on 1n the world The news broadcaster IS Bryce Morton Somehow lt seems log1cal that Bryce would be a news commentator he seemed to enjoy It so much at our Class N1ght program It seems that a woman has been conv1cted of po1son1ng lonely old men w1th arsemc 1n elderberry w1ne of all th1ngs She has also confessed that she bur1ed them 1n her cellar M1ss Suz1 Burkett says she got the 1dea from a play she was 1n dur1ng her h1gh school years It s a shame SUZ1 took It so serlously A Colorado woman has g1ven b1rth to qumtuplets 'I d1dn t catch her name o ' there s her plcture Why lt s my old fr1end Margy Haase' She already has SIX ch1ldren anyway' Goodness' Well Margy was always the domest1c type Ann Stansell U S Ambassador to RUSS13 has fmally conv1nced my old fr1end Sm1thov1tch that Dan Farmer IS not an Amer1can spy She 1S a great d1PlO mat I wlsh she d been there when I sl1pped up Th1ngs were lookmg black for old Dan there for awh1le and I thought perhaps he m1ght Jo1n me 1n orb1t The Mahannah Brothers have perfected a new k1nd of hel1copter for general travel It doesn t have those annoy1ng blades on the top that 1nterfere w1th clear th1nk1ng wh1le flymg around It IS also much eas1er to park as lt IS more compact It seems that Kenny and Albert have taken after the Wr1ght Brothers Juan1ta Hodge psych1atr1st has d1scovered a new chem1cal to combat 1nsan1ty It took her years to 1solate what cause mental d1sturbance and then per fect her cure but at last she bel1eves she has found It Let S hope It turns out better than her last attempt when she drove three people crazy try1ng to get them to be gu1nea p1gs Now that Bryce IS launch1ng 1nto a commerclal about razor blades Ith1nk I ll try yet another channel Marty McCoy Hollywood column1st has her own coast to coast TV program now She IS talkmg about the var1ous stars now wear1ng one of those huge hats that she IS so famous for She says that Don Blanscet Hollywood Don Juan IS plann1ng to get another d1vorce My goodness these actors Oh no' The plcture IS fad1ng' If my TV goes out I w1ll be left w1th noth1ng' Come back Marty' I ll try another channel NOTHING' I must have my Telev1s1on 'Nlo the set IS completely dead Now there IS noth1ng left for me but obl1v1on Ill f1n1sh th1s n'1anuscr1pt and send It to earth by the only rocket the RUSSIBHS gave me So I can send one message back to earth and th1s IS lt Now I am go1ng Mad mad mad' 19 . 1 1 0 1 , . -7 D ' 411 ' 11 1 ' - ' .1 - 1 1 ' 1 .1 . , . -V i , . . . . HO, , . , . ' .1 .1 ' 1 11 - 1 11 1 . . , . . , , . . . , . 1 , 1 . . . , . . . . . . A . , --- , . v . , . . , . . . , 1 , 1 . , , , . . . , . , . , . . . . , . J 1 . 1 - . . , . , 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 . . , . 1 1 . , . 1 - ' ' y .. , . ' . - . . . - - 1 1 , . -