Butler High School - Magnet Yearbook (Butler, PA)

Page 14 text:

10 THE SENIOR MAGNET Also, if you are built like a skyscraper, you must beware of overhanging chandeliers, portiers, buccaneers, and what-not. Wounds from such sources are very painful and sometimes cause amnesia. The only remedy is to start all over again. But if you are built like a mole hill, you must be careful of table tops that have a habit of reaching out and poking you in the eye. It has been found that the best remedy for this is a piece of beefsteak, preferably ground, dipped in glue and placed upon the eye. The glue allows the wearer to remain asleep in an upright position without disturbing the meat. In case you have the proportions of a war tank, place the hands before the face, step backwards one hundred paces and then run! If the resultant irresistible force meets an immovable object such as a piano, strains of harp music will usually be heard; if not, return to the factory, and all defective parts will be replaced. Perhaps the greatest difficulty of all will be knowing whether or not to pull the lamp cord at the time it is reached. This difficulty can be solved only by the greatest concentration and contemplation. If you can light the lamp for the other folks, you are doing them a great service and will probably make enough money to feed all the starving Armenians in Russia. The Magnet Loses a Friend The present Magnet staff regrets that its successor must suffer a great loss in the resignation from the faculty of a true friend. For several years Miss Moore has most effectively performed the duties of faculty advisor and business manager of the school publication. Not only has she been ready and willing to aid whenever called upon, but she has imparted a spirit of enthusiasm which has proved invaluable. The members of the Senior Magnet staff take this opportunity to thank Miss Moore for her generous services.

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12 THE SENIOR MAGNET Suds Felix Rosenthal IT ALL started when Mrs. Wesley J. Powell was elected president of the Franklin Society for the Promotion of the Welfare of Homeless Animals. After becoming the head of an organization to prevent poor homeless animals from starving to death, she could not very well get rid of the lean little dog that her son Jimmy had brought home just the day before. Now that she had to keep it, she thought that she might as well give it a name befitting its membership in the Powell household. Accordingly, it was presented with the name Marmion, much to the disgust of Jimmy. Jimmy’s mother had a peculiar aversion to dogs of all sorts. One can hardly blame her, however, for she could still remember, when, as a girl of eight, she had been knocked down and bitten by a huge St. Bernard which was only intending to be playful. Since then, whenever she saw a dog, she almost went into hysterics. She had difficulty, the first few days that Marmion was about, to keep from screaming every time the dog made the least advance to her; but, as time went on, she gradually became used to his capers about her. The real trouble began one afternoon when Jimmy was giving his pet a bath He had a tub of water in the back yard and was in the habit of putting the dog on a large towel and giving him a good scrubbing, because, if Marmion’s legs were left free in the tub, it was not very long until every one within a radius of ten feet had a good soaking. Jimmy was following his usual proceedure and had just finished giving the dog a good soaping and was ready to rinse him when Marmion spied a cat. Giving a joyful yelp, he leaped out of his master’s arms and was away. Jimmy called and called and called, but no Marmion. Finally, after Marmion had chased the cat all over the neighborhood and had dug his favorite bone out of the coal pile, he decided that he would like to sleep for a while. He roamed around the cellar hunting for a soft, cool spot in which to lie; he noticed a large basket of the Powell laundry. It seemed smooth and had a delicious clean smell about it. After burying his bone again, he went over to his newly discovered retreat and lay down. As it happened, Mrs. Powell had been in town that afternoon and had not arrived home until three o’clock. She was giving a tea for the aforementioned Society for the Promotion of the Welfare of Homeless Animals, and the guests had been invited for three o’clock. As there were a few details to attend to at the last minute, she left the setting up of the card tables until the last minute. Just after she sent her maid to the cellar to get the table covers, she heard a scream. Rushing down to see what was the matter, she saw Marmion, a mass of coal dust and soap suds, sitting on the basket of freshly laundered table covers.