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Page 14 text:
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10 THE SENIOR MAGNET Also, if you are built like a skyscraper, you must beware of overhanging chandeliers, portiers, buccaneers, and what-not. Wounds from such sources are very painful and sometimes cause amnesia. The only remedy is to start all over again. But if you are built like a mole hill, you must be careful of table tops that have a habit of reaching out and poking you in the eye. It has been found that the best remedy for this is a piece of beefsteak, preferably ground, dipped in glue and placed upon the eye. The glue allows the wearer to remain asleep in an upright position without disturbing the meat. In case you have the proportions of a war tank, place the hands before the face, step backwards one hundred paces and then run! If the resultant irresistible force meets an immovable object such as a piano, strains of harp music will usually be heard; if not, return to the factory, and all defective parts will be replaced. Perhaps the greatest difficulty of all will be knowing whether or not to pull the lamp cord at the time it is reached. This difficulty can be solved only by the greatest concentration and contemplation. If you can light the lamp for the other folks, you are doing them a great service and will probably make enough money to feed all the starving Armenians in Russia. The Magnet Loses a Friend The present Magnet staff regrets that its successor must suffer a great loss in the resignation from the faculty of a true friend. For several years Miss Moore has most effectively performed the duties of faculty advisor and business manager of the school publication. Not only has she been ready and willing to aid whenever called upon, but she has imparted a spirit of enthusiasm which has proved invaluable. The members of the Senior Magnet staff take this opportunity to thank Miss Moore for her generous services.
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Page 13 text:
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THE SENIOR MAGNET 9 yers in Pennsylvania. One of the reasons for the masterpiece he has made of his life was his downright refusal to conform to the average, to the mass, to the conventional. . The thirty years which have elapsed between that boy’s commencement and the present have witnessed a multitude of changes. Industry has moved forward with breath-taking speed. Education has doubled and redoubled its scope. Each year, thousands upon thousands are graduated from our colleges and universities, many with high honors, all with keenly developed intellects and the grim determination to succeed. What is to become of them? Surely they cannot all obtain their goals. Competition will be sharp. The vast majority will fall into the hum-drum rut of the ordinary. It will be only the most prominent personality, the sharpest mind which will succeed in making even a slight impression on the sands of time.” The opportunity is great—that fact is indisputable—but the struggle will be greater. The future is going to be a clear example of the survival of the fittest.” Throw off the cloak of artificiality. Destroy that monotonous sameness. Forget ridicule. Think your own thoughts, not the thoughts of others. Scorn the human parrot. Be first, last, and always—yourself! The Next Room Harlan Baumbach You have heard it said that a word to the wise is sufficient; but according to the statistics compounded by the Interstate Commerce Ommission, this is true only in eight cases out of ten. Let me illustrate. Anyone who is foolish enough to read this would be grossly insulted if he were called unwise; and since this has already exceeded one word and is still insufficient, the case is reduced to absurdity. Quite Enough Done. Leaving high school is like getting off a train in Wyoming. If you have ever been there, you can understand; if not, use your imagination which should be keenly developed by this time. However, to get back to the pertinent question, leaving school is a kind of blind stagger into a dark room with plenty of extra chairs and footstools strewn about. The problem is to reach the lamp at the other end of the room and to get there as devoid, as possible, of scraped shins and bloody noses. But beware of cat’s eyes that look like luminous lamp cords. They’ll lead you astray, and you’ll probably find yourself on the floor with a sofa on your back. Cats, you know, can crawl under sofas. Of course, the best way to get out of such a predicament is to reverse, which is possible at all times except when it can’t be done. If you are interested and patient enough to find the right path, you will be delighted to see plenty of ripe and delicious fruit in round glass bowls. Such fruit tastes like nectar on an empty stomach.
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