Bristol High School - Green and White Yearbook (Bristol, RI)

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The east of “OH, HECTOR,” written and produced by the Hasty Gelatine Club.

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24 THE GREEN AND WHITE THREE JEERS FOR CICERO Eleven-fifty and the lunch period for another day is over. But that's not the half of it. Latin, the study of my dream (a nightmare) is with us. We all run to our home rooms as eagerly as children who are about to be given castor oil. “Cicero’s Orations Against Cata-line” (our favorite novel) is placed under our left arm; our right arm being used to give our acquaintances a gentle punch for every punch they give us. Of course, if they kick us we usually use our feet to return their greeting. After we have been enjoying ourselves in the corridor for about two minutes and we know we are a minute late, we make a wild dash for Room 5. John Dunbar is on hand to close the door for us. “Get in here and close that door, says the Prof, very gently. OH, so gently. “But. Mr. Dowd, I couldn’t find my Latin books.” “Tough! Sit down!” And then, about five minutes later, everyone is ready to solve Cicero. “Begin on page 60, line 8, Ruggiero,” yells the Prof. “You mean me, Mr. Dowd,” asks Ruggiero timidly ? “Yes, you!” “What page did you say we were to begin on ? ” “What’s the matter, are you deaf?” “No, only I can’t hear you.” “Well, keep your eyes open. Campanello, you recite.” Campanello, coming out of a daze: “Did you say something, Mr. Dowd?” “Can you translate this part? “Certainly, of course I can,” says Campanello to the surprise of the rest of the class. “Where are we, anyway?” And so on until twelve-thirty by the office clock. And then the sound of a little instrument, called a bell, is heard. Everyone is in the door marathon. and finally as the last few hoofs of the thundering herd is heard down the corridor, the Prof, yells: “Take the nevt twenty-five lines for tomorrow!” M. L. BASSING, ’30. LIFE IN EDEN Scene—A country road near Eden. A tip-cart drawn bv a dinasaur. Time—1.000,000 B. C. Characters—Cain and Abel, and Candy Lamb, the dinasaur. Characters are dressed in the fashion of the day. CAIN (in fright)—O Ye Gods, Abel, how shall I calm my Candy Lamb? Abel (sarcastically)—I dare not think how, quite the contrary, I am able to see how you won't. (Speaking to the dinasaur)—Dearest Candy Lamb, does it behoove you to be so playful. You would romp with my pet bron-tosarus. CAIN (warningly)—Beware, my honorable friend, you might aggravate my beast. ABEL (gripping Cain)—I fear the beast’s temperament. I see the glitter of fury in its eyes. Great Jehovah, spare our poor degraded souls. CAIN (thoughtfully)—I fear I must give my beast a sugar plum to calm its anger. Whoa, Candy Lamb! Whoa, I say Whoa, drat you old beast, anyhow. There he has stopped at last. ABEL (musingly)—Say, Cain, I read in the Daily Fig Leaf” that Papa and Mama had a squabble. Let’s go over and reunite them. CAIN—Yea verily, let's’ do as you say. ABEL (continuing)—The paper also demanded the reason why Adam and Eve ever raised Cain. CAIN (angrily)—An insult. I shall kill that editor. ABEL—Tt also stated that you were out with the Mayor’s daughter, Augusta Crookshank, not only raising cain, but even spending the evening at the “Eden Lights.” CAIN—You're crazy. I don’t go to cheap night clubs. I went to the “Apple Inn.” Who is that editor anyway? ABEL—Felis Canias, the Wall Street viper. He makes it his daily habit to insult Society-leaders such as you and I. Why only the other day he called me a Night Owl, accusing me of spending my evenings tooting at Anna Bear's door. What is that crowd over there yelling about ? CAIN (distainfully)—Only an old base ball same. What is that crowd over there y'elling big shots Pa and Ma are getting to be in this here burg? ABEL (uninterestedly)—Yeah. CAIN—Well, guess what was decided at the Town Meeting last night? ABEL—They elected Pop sewer commissioner. CAIN—No. ABEL—Dog officer, then. CAIN—You’re way off. ABEL—I’ll give up then. CAIN—They named the two town teams the Adam's Apples and the Eve’s Elderberries. ABEL (excitedly)—What! Well I'll be— CAIN—I knew I'd surprise you. The news gave me quite a turn when I first heard of it. ABEL—That is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. (He looked up at the sky)— Hey Cain, it’s going to rain; we had better hurry home. CAIN—Get up. Candy Lamb, get up! O ye gods, Abel, how shall I get my Candy Lamb to start ? (Candy Lamb starts and our heroes vanish up the road in a cloud of dust.) ANDREW IVERSON. 7.9. HAROLD DeWOLF ,’29. THE FILAMENT OF DREAMS A bit of pure azure from the sk.v above. The soft white “down” of a cooing dove, The silver lining of clouds on high, The delicate orchid of morning sky, The tender yellow of daffodils. The purplish splendor of far off hills, Golden ra.vs of the setting sun, Beautiful tints, rivaled by none— This is the filament of dreams. K. KELLEY, ’29.

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26 THE CiREEN AND WHITE JOKES Latin IV Miss Kelley—“What is truth, anyway?” Mr. Dowd—“Oh, you wouldn’t be acquainted with it.” Cafeteria Campanella (disgustingly)—“How do you expect to find a clam in this clam chowder when you can't even find a horse in a horse-radish or even a chicken in a chicken salad?” Lost After listening to Prof. Edwards’ speech about tests, Mr. Miller asks John Dunbar to go bet his “IG.” Johnny looked at him in amazement and said: “Where did you leave it?” History Mr. Mapes—“Give Douglass’ early life.” Miss Gilroy—“Douglas was a self-made man —made by himself.” Assembly Program Dean Mason in his speech—“Do not look upon Deans as highly honored men. We have many edans—and many sar-dines too.” Science Why the science program was a success and went over with a bang: L—Our “heavy-weight” Mahoney had the privilege to test his hidden strength against the block and tackle. 2.—Prof. Millimaggi, B.M.B.D., our expert chemist, was presented a enormous bouquet of (now what do you think)! Room II Makowskv (talking about Junior play)— We'll all go on the stage acting like a bunch of lunatics.” Bennett—“Oh, we don’t have to-—Just act natural!” Room II Mahoney (Junior Play)—“I'll sing ‘Far-Away.’ ” Bennett (sarcastically)—“Yea. the farther away you sing, the better.” French II Makowskv (reading)—With the lips parted, and the eyes on the forehead, she was leading this young man. Latin III Ruggerio—“Mr. Dowd. what does N. B. mean?” Millimaggi (interrupting)—“No Business.” Math. Ill Mr. Dowd—“Pendleton, if you want to make eyes at Levy, get out of the room ! Don't expect Levy to get a thrill out of watching you.” Latin III Dowd—“He killed him and all his friends and everybody that was seen on the street with him—a la Chicago.” Silent Pictures Preferred Dowd—“Will you people please stop talking —or talk so we can hear it. Latin III Dowd—“Come down to the second seat in that row, Navack, and make off you’re human.” Physics III Mr. Eaton (disgustingly)—“You know—I’d rather talk to that kid of mine than to you!” Witherell—“Can she talk yet?” Room VI Mr. Dowd—“Miss West, are you eating?” I. West (chewing gum)—“No!” Mr. Dowd (sarcastically)—“Then I'd like to see you when you were.” English III Bennett (reciting) — He loved her—even from her bov-hood davs. Math. Ill Mr. Dowd—“It’s better to do your work and get two right than, to j copy and get four right.” H. Levy—“That's what I did, and I got one right.” English III E. Doran (reading poem)—“And he was a girl with hair very beautiful and red as an orange.” (Pertaining to R. Makowsky.) Physics III Mr. Eaton—“What metals are used in the Edison battery?” Witherell—“Hard Rubber! Latin IV Mr. Dowd—“Millimaggi. sit up and make believe you’re alive.” Overhead in English IVa “An honest man, or in other words, a criminal.” Heard in English IV “A stygian cave means a cave where the river sticks.” Math. Ill Mr. Dowd—“Young, are you chewing gum?” Young (innocently)—“No! I’m chewing my Algebra paper!” Heard in English III “He looked just like Abe Lincoln—only he was a blonde.” Chemistry II C. St. Angelo—“What is hard water?” A. Poli—“Ice!” C. St. Angelo—“Oh, that's frozen water!” Chemistry IV Mr. Eaton—“Give the Properties of hvdro-gen.” M. Cornell—“Odorless and colorless.” Mr. Eaton—“It is tasteless? M. Cornell—“I don’t know—I never tasted it!” English II Miss Bradford—“What is the meaning of Ammulite?” R. McCormack—“It is an omelet.” John D.—“Why do thev call Baker (the short-stop) the Ancient Mariner?” Canipanello—“Because he stoppeth one of three.” Physics 111 Mr. Eaton—(speaking of electric arcs)—“Is there any other kinds of arcs?” Bonnano—“Noahs' Ark!” Heard in English II Miss Bradford—“Is Isaac the Jew verv Liberal?” McCormack—“No! he is too Scotch!” English II Miss Bradford—“Did you read your English? A. Poli—“Yes, but I only skipped three chapters!”