Bristol High School - Green and White Yearbook (Bristol, RI)

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THE GREEN AND WHITE 25 “Is that a permanent wave?” Miss Beavis: “No, a heat wave.” Mr. Condon (Physics IV): “Please stand out in the aisle away from the seat.” Miss Moore: “I can’t, there isn’t room enough.” Mr. Condon: “Balfour, what does a Davy lamp look like?” Balfour: “I saw one once but I never looked at it.” Miss Callan (to a small boy with a large pair of boots coming in at the middle of a recitation): “Where are you coming from?” Boy: “From the Rubber Shop.” Mr. Strong: “What do you boys expect to be when you get out of the high school?” Triumvirate (in chorus): “Grandfathers.” What colored well does V. Leahy like? Greenwell. What part of a bush does C. Newton like best ? The bud. What does Miss Thurston like better than chewing gum? Bones. Miss King (to sub-freshmen): “Is there anyone who didn’t get ‘Adrift on an Ice Pan?” ” Miss Sullivan (after playing record): That was sung by Manrico when he was in jail.” Kenney: “A man with a voice like that ought to be in jail.” Miss Blake: “The room is noisy. I mean the people in it. Laugh and the teacher laughs with you, Laugh and you laugh alone. The first when the joke is the teacher’s, The last when the joke is your own. He studied hard on his Latin, He studied hard on his prose, He studied hard until midnight Till his brow was filled with furrows; He studied harder and harder, Until at length he went crazy; The teacher wrote for his epitaph: “He died of being lazy.” Miss Kinder: “Foster’s is having a silent night.” Miss Beavis (hearing the ending): “Why didn’t they play some other Christmas carol ?” Benard (applying for a position by mail): “I have had four years of bookkeeping and expect to have four more.” Walsh: I found Macbeth on my desk.” Miss Callan (taking attendance): “Where is Horace Collins?” Peterson: “He isn't here.” F. Remieres (Commercial Geography): “Tea is shipped from China in lead-lined cartoons.” G. MacDonald (History): The actors and actresses were all men; they didn’t have any women.” Miss Sisson : “I suggest that you hang your hearts on the electric lights at the dance.” Makowsky: “I can’t, mine is in Warren.” David: I studied all last night.” Bones: “What time did you get to bed?” David: “At one minute past twelve.” Sam (in play) :“Oh, mother, I am hungry.” Just then the curtain came down with a roll. Makowsky (History): “Sitting Bull arose and killed General Custard.” Makowsky: “What shall we do concerning the advice of Mr. Strong’s Daddy Long Legs?” David: “Say, Bones, what’s the idea of the bright tie?” Bones: I haven’t done any of my lessons today.” David: “What has that got to do with it?” Bones: I want to look bright.” Mrs. Clark (Latin): “He fell on his knees and clung to them so they wouldn’t go away.” Mrs. Clark: “Where does the pensive man go that he may escape the song of the lark?” Mary Matheson : “Down cellar.” Editor of Green White: “We would like to get a few more jokes for the Green White.” Miss Blake: “Take the class.” ------o----- CONFESSIONS OF BOGUS NOBILITY An insipid play depicting a group of escapades of the Senior Algebra Class. This production has been condensed to two acts after much labor upon the part of the authors. Setting: Both acts are in Room 6 of Colt High. Characters:

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24 THE GREEN AND WHITE Arch Duke: “Sav, Sr. Thurston is getting pretty wild lately.” Prime Minister: “How come?” Arch Duke: “I saw her shaking Bones the other night.” Arch Duke: Can t you feel graduation coming on?” Prime Minister: “Yep. and I feel I’m not in on it.” Miss King: “Has anyone here ‘Lamb's lales? Miss Sisson: “If someone is born at sea what is it?” Serbst: “A fish.” Miss Sisson: “Write all vou can about hieroglyphics.” Walsh hands in his paper. Miss Sisson: W alsh. I told vou to write not to illustrate.” Wise Cracks by Our Debaters Serbst (on Ruhr question): “Thev supplied Turkey with arms.” Nussenfeld (on Ruhr question): “The Germans flooded the water supply.” Kenney (on Ruhr question): “You can’t strangle it by grabbing its skirts.” Makowskv (on Ruhr question): “Mv worthy opponents have said this: therefore it is wrong.” Miss Campagna (English): “He drove the team up the left side of the street which was the right side in England.” Cornell (English): “The diver heard a gurgling sound in his suit which he thought was his nervous system.” Hobbs (English): “When is the date of our next book report?” Mrs. Clark: “I haven’t made any date as yet.” Mrs. Clark (after explaining derivation of words): Can anyone tell me where ‘trolley’ comes from?” Miss Matheson: “Warren.” Mr. Condon: What is platinum used for?” Miss Horton: “To make sauce pans.” Benard to Marz: “If someone gave vou a counterfeit dollar, what would you do with it?” Marz: “I would spend it before the cops got it. Mr. Condon (Physics): “Turn around. Evans.” ' Evans : “I am around.” Mr. Condon: “If vou don't turn around you won’t be around long.” Miss Leach in Goemetrv: “Southwick, put that gum in the basket without swallowing it.” Serbst in French: “I approached the excellent man to talk to him on a flower.” Heard in Latin Keating: “Feminine howls of women were heard within the cave. Makowskv: “Trembling with age, he put on his arms.” DeChristofaro: “Bear arms, men!” Miss Horton: “They stopped up their ears so they could hear better.” Keating: “He pulled down the door with an everlasting ram.” Kenney: “He ran and hid under the goddess’s feet.” Miss Grice: “They threw weapons with their left hands, grasped the roof with their right hand, and with the other hand they carried their shields.” Makowskv (at class meeting): “A member of the executive committee is no longer in this class, so it is necessary to elect another member, because we want to keep the committee full.” Mr. Condon: “Now, for instance, I carry in my hands a ton of coal up the incline.” Serbst (interrupting): “Staples Coal Co. is looking for men like you.” Cornell (referring to Miss Beavis’ hair):

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26 THE GREEN AND WHITE Principes .......... ..... Mr. Strong Bogus Nobility ------- Algebra Class Interloper ............... Miss Blake The factors in the play: Authors .................. Triumvirate Stage Manager ........ Richard Cornell Property Manager...... Bells and Bells Coach of team......... Earl A. Turnover Synopsis of acts: Act I. Time—Before Act II. Joyful, exalted. Act II. Time—After Act I. Sad, dejected. “All right, yank the curtain, Jake.” ACT I. (Enter greater part of class who take seats.) (Enter X Matheson.) Miss Matheson: “Mr. Strong has got a fellow talking to him down to the office and he probably will not be here for ten minutes. Sheldon: “That’s the height of pro- crastination.” Hobbs: “Sav, Beans, where were vou last—” (Enter Serbst, Kenney and Makowskv, late to class as usual.) Makowskv: HOBBS!” (imitating Mr. Strong’s reproachful tone.) The class quiets down and then starts to swear because it was not Mr. Strong (not through sorrow, but joy.) Hobbs: “I got California on mv set last night.” Class in unison : “That’s the oil.” (Makowskv, Serbst, and Kenney, during this confusion are in perfect order doing their class work for the next day.) Walsh: “Hey, Triumvirate, what’s the answer to the 25th-” Triumviratus: “Woe betide ye, culprit, for it is written in the scriptures. ‘Cursed is he that taketh advantage of his master’s absence.’ ” ACT II. Mr. Strong enters. He heartily commends the Triumvirate for their honest attempt to quiet the class. He takes seat. Walsh advances: “B-z-z-z-z-z.” Mr. Strong: “What’s that?” Walsh: “I didn't have time.” Mr. Strong: “Insubordination!” Makowskv: “Bad example.” Mr. Strong: “Walsh, sit down. Is there anyone who hasn’t finished his work?” All raise their hands but hastily drop them when they see the countenance of Mr. Strong. He casts a five-inch piece of chalk in the basket. Serbst: Extravagance.” Mr. Strong: “All see me at the close of school.” Triumvirate: But. if you please, sir, we have done our work.” Mr. Strong: “I am proud of you. Miss Moore check that example.” Miss Moore goes to board and writes. Mr. Strong: “Miss Greenwell, what is the graph of a quadratic function of x?” Miss Greenwell: “A parabola, sir.” Mr. Strong: “Fine, I’ll give you extra credit for that. What is the turning point and answers of your parabola?” Miss Greenwell: “I didn't do it.” Mr. Strong: “What! I take back that extra credit. Miss Nettleton, what does x plus y plus z equal?” Miss Nettleton: “xyz.” Mr. Strong: “What! You can't add apples, pears and grapes.” Miss Nettleton: “I did last fall when I made fruit jam.” Bell rings. Mr. Strong: “Tomorrow’s lesson will be examples 41-51 on page 157 and examples 1-10 on page 138. Get your paper if you need any. Bell rings. Mr. Strong: “Now leave me.” (Exit class in joyous exultation.) Curtain falls to rise. Presentation of flowers to cast now takes place. Curtain.