Bridgewater State University - Alpha Yearbook (Bridgewater, MA)

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l93I NORMAL OFFERING DON'T BELIEVE IT! If you hear the last bell ringing And someone says, Don't hurry, There's nothing up at Normal To cause you any worry. Don't believe it! If you don't do your homework And think that you'll get by, And your classmate says, HShe didn't either. She's telling you a lie. Don't believe it! VVhen you're handed back papers VVith an E or maybe two If they say, This hurts me About as much as it hurts you. Don't believe it! SADIE FLEISIIMAN COIVIIVIITTEEMAN You have read startling and breath-taking stories of Broadway escapades, interior dec- orators, peace conferences, flag-pole sitters, and many and diversified sewing circles. But have you heard the biggest, the best, expose of all? Then list to the tale of Herb Thistle- down. Here, and only here, will you learn of the trials and bitter tribulations of a com- mitteeman. As the story opens we find Herb before that aristocrat of aristocrats, the Dean of Hearth- stone College. The Dean is giving Herb a look severe enough to melt an iron bust. For- tunately for Thistledown, he isn't iron-nor a bust. 'fVVhy was I in the Iron Gate? asked Herb. 'fThe story is a long and sad one. I readily believe the first part of your statement. But why have you become a fre- quenter, not only of the Iron Gate, but also of the Rusty Door and other night-clubs, in addition to becoming a nocturnal visitor to devious and dubious dance halls? Come, come, don't stammer. Make your story concise and to the point. Omit details. I am after the pure, simple, and unadulterated truth. Very well, I shall, bravely replied Herb Thistledown, retaining a stiff upper lip, as the street gamin might say, and accepting this challenge hurled so unceremoniously at his integrity. HAS you are undoubtedly aware, began Thistledown, the Senior Prom is just around the corner-over the hill-beneath the horizon. Although this is to be the best social of the year, we need a lodestone to attract our Romeos and juliets. In fact, it is essential that we sell all tickets printed. 'ATO be candid with you, we need the money. Our treasury is depleted. W'e have only a nickel left, and the buffalo is crying for companions. And we have decided to attract its companions into our treasury by saying it with music. There is nothing like a good orches- tra to draw a crowd. . 154

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HUMOR HUMOR The perfect Bridgewater teacher would have: Miss Decker's figure, Miss Caldwell's mouth, Miss Hill's eyes, Miss Nye's dimples, Miss Smith's complexion, Miss Mofifat's hair, Miss Pope's voice, Miss Beal's poise, Miss Prevost's motherliness, Miss Rand's enthusiasm, Miss Davis' hands, Miss Lovett's friendliness, and Miss Carter's serenity. The perfect Bridgewater professor would have: Mr. Crosier's figure, M r. Huff1ngton's smile. Mr. Durgin's line, Mr. Stearns' energy, Mr. Arnold's chivalry, Dr. Boyden's fatherliness, and Mr. Hunt's dignity. The perfect Bridgewater senior girl would have: Hazel Gleason's figure, Gladys Wilkie's hair, Ida W'arr's complexion, Tillie jacobson's poise, Gwen Standish's eyes, Anne Connors' mouth, Mary Lavelle's nose, Helen Eogg's charm, Alice Swenson's dependability, Virginia Cunningham's clothes, Cecile Giguere's scholarship, Connie Church's dancing ability, Bar- bara Clapp's cheerfulness, Dorothy Dinegan's pep, Marian Balboni's artistic ability, Alice Eldridge's character, and Irene Goody's disposition. The perfect Bridgewater senior man would have: Gus Averill's figure, Tommy Costello's complexion, Frank Geary's hair, Lennie Polopoli's eyes, john Buckley's disposition, Ed Landy's voice, Aubrey Evans' character, Peter Burke's athletic ability, Harold Goeres' efhciency, and Prescott Sawyer's gentlemanlike qualities. THROUGH AN ADVERTISING MIRROR You might as well have the best. Bridgewater Normal School. Good to the last drop. Soup sold in the Day Student lunch room. Four out of five. Not-accepted paraphrases. Say it with liowersf' Mr. Stearn's gardening class. Aged in the wood. Our brains. Even your best friend won't tell you. An answer in an exam. Assumed quality Bridgewater graduates. They may look alike, but Combinations on our lockers. I'd walk a mile for a Camel Saturday morning hikes. Not a cough in a carload Not a sound in the corridor. The perfect shave Getting to chapel at 9:14. As line as the world affords The faculty. SADIE FLEISHMAN Ll ll ll LA ll 153

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HUMOR As chairman of the music committee, it is my duty to see that an excellent orchestra is obtained. IVith this purpose in mind, I have left no stone unturned. It is true that I fell asleep in the meteorology class, ruffled the newspaper in psychology, and hummed in English history. But I was doing it all for the cause-for the good old senior class. When I slept I dreamed-dreamed of my duty. It is, in truth, while I sleep that I do my best work. Wlhen I ruffled the paper it was not to see the comic section. but to read the advertisements and to select the most suitable dance halls to visit. To enjoy myself? Indirectly, yes, for I enjoy working for the good of the class. But in reality I was not in- terested in dancing. I was interested in an orchestra. Wfhy, when I hummed, it was for the good of the class. I hummed in the manner I thought a good orchestra should play. 'fIt is true that I was forcibly ejected from the Iron Gate. But why? Because I told the conductor that if he played 'Three Little INords' with vibrato and other artistic effects, I, as representative of the graduating class of dear old Hearthstone, would hire him and his entire orchestra. I admit that I started the riot in the Rusty Door. But how was I to know that I was speaking with the manager when I said that the playing was terrible, but that his sensitive ear-drums and superior tonal quality so transformed the discordant and unmellifluous music that it seemed to attain, although it actually did not, the acme of perfection? I was merely working for the good of the class-and if working for the Class is a crime, then I am guilty. CHere Herb Thistledown's orbs imitated the Mississippi Riverl. My boy, my boy, cried the Dean, energetically wringing his hanky and embracing Herb, I fully understand your predicament, and appreciate your work. I, too, because of my musical ability, was once in the same dilemma as you. I, too, had to overcome similar obstacles-obstacles which an understanding world hurls before all the gladiators of life. To prove that I realize your difficult task, I shall volunteer my services and to-night we shall go together in quest of the orchestra supreme. That, tacitly added the Dean, bursting into poetry, as man often will on such jubilant occasions, will give me an opportunity to get away from home and wife, and to make whoopee for once in my life. Thank you, sir, thank you, said Herb, effervescent with emotion. CINCINNATI MONTIBIILLO 155