Birmingham Southern College - Southern Accent Yearbook (Birmingham, AL)

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A Tragedy in One Act Played with sickening success every season since Bull Durham was a calf. The Time— Session of 1916-191 7. The Place — Southern University or any other college. Persons — A young man, from noble ancestry, rather pleasing personality, attire not surpassing that of a Jim Ham or a J. Thomas, but neat and careful. An Old Croaker whom the young man regards with a sort of condescending tolerance. Young Man — You talk about unwarranted abridgment of liberty, such as the fanatical prohibition statutes, or John Wallace ' s game laws, but I ' ll tell you, the very apex of narrow-minded intolerance is reached by the old Croakers who advocate the total abolition of the manufacture and sale of cigarettes. If there is anything which I consider to be a greater reflection upon a man ' s intelligence than an Anti-Tobacco League, it is an Anti-Saloon League. Why, what is the harm in smoking a cigar- ette? It is really funny to hear the old Croakers talk about the ill effects of that which they know nothing about. They throw a horrible fit when they observe the color of a fellow ' s fingers. They seem to arbitrarily assume that the thing is hurt- ful to the human body and then proceed to search for a theory to sustain the assump- tion. At one time they tried to frighten us by telling us that our lungs contained little sacks of nicotine accumulated by successive inhalations of tobacco smoke ; at another time they thought they ' d make us believe that there was serious damage resulting from some kind of dope in the paper. They simply don ' t know what they are talking about, that is all there is to it; and ' tis amusing to me, though some times annoying, to hear them talk. Did you ever notice that they always preface their remarks by flinging out this hot one: Now, you all know, I ' m no crank on the subject of tobacco. I like a good cigar just about as well as the next one; when, as a matter of fact, the old hyp has a quid in his jaw right then, and if you will keep close watch you will see him duck his head and squirt a flash of brown liquid into the spittoon which you had not noticed before. Old Croaker — You say that the cranks on the subject of cigarettes have made them- selves ridiculous because they have abandoned certain theories as to the ill effects of smoking and adopted others. Did you ever stop to think that is precisely the way along which progress is made? History shows that generally the first theory advanced in explanation of any phenomena was wrong. Medical science groped its way from theory to theory in accounting for malarial fever. In the meantime his majesty. Anopheles Mosquito, the purveyor of malaria, sang his way through the world unmolested. George Ade told the truth when he said that during this time chills and fever entered into the program of every life, while those who chat- tered thought they were being jounced by the hand of Providence. But when science evolved a theory supported by a series of experimental facts, what did we do? As intelligent beings we could do but one thing; that is, we began to act according to the facts as we were made to know them. We invaded the domain of Anopheles and caused quinine to ' cease to be a staple. Young Man — But, my friend, because malaria is bad proves nothing as to smoking. That reminds me of the old chestnut: If there are ten million germs on a dollar bill, how many on a ten-dollar bill? I do not mean to be personal, but must say that the mental processes of some people are like a certain game I ' ve heard of — you never know what is going to turn up. You are assuming that smoking is harm- 23