Bayfield High School - Wolverine Yearbook (Bayfield, CO)

Page 23 text:

As Betty McIntyre climbs out of her helicopter we see she still has the looks that won her the title of Miss Wolverine of 1955. Her beauty tempts the best of men and she’s completely filled her ambition of becoming an R.N. (Recent Newlywed) by an- nouncing her 13th marriage yesterday. The first flight was made to the moon this year by Flash Gordon’s younger brother Spark Gordon (Powell) who designed the ship. The nation’s first rocket hostess is the lovely LaVonne McCoy. The talented Miss Me Coy designed her own space suit consisting of a spiral headpiece and a 7 piece outfit lined with duck feathers so she can paddle like the devil in case they land during the rainy season on the moon. Imagine their amazement when they found Dick Wells raising eleflus, a cross between an elephant and a fly, for the benefit of the heavy drinkers who always claim they see pink elephants flying by. They’ll be liars no more. Powell consented to take one of the eleflus, back to the earth and the great Professional Businessman of our times, James Sower, promoted them. Sower did such a terrific job that AA had to limit them--one to every bar. David Per cell, architectural engineer, has designed the underground hospital for the convenience of those who pass on. Though this was a brilliant scheme, he is now peddling papers, being sued for all he was worth by the morticians for putting them out of business. The mad scientist, Warren Hill, has just published his latest book, HOW TO EVOLVE FROM AN APE TO A MAN IN ONE CLEAN SHAVE. His book was a best seller among the apes but was never acclaimed by man because the truth hurts. Wanda Peterson, having received her M.R.S. degree, deprived Lee Cundiff, truck driver, of his Bachelor’s degree. They followed the moving vans for years teaching “Families on the Travel have now settled down to the metropolitan life of teaching “Driver’s Training” to the students of B.H.S. Bill Squires, Wayne Martin and George Wiser have returned from Africa where they have civilized the masses forming the largest ranch in the world. Who are all these people following them off the steamship? Why it’s their harem, of course. But among all these dark beauties one shining blonde head catches our attention. These men attribute their success to their capable secretary, Freda Beuten. She has settled all harem disputes and her clever business dealing has kept them out of trouble more than once. Leonard Peterson is also another one of the foreign travelers. For it seems he has gained as much fame as Bobby Feller in the world of Baseball. And is now coming home from a season of touring the foreign countries.

Page 22 text:

OUR PROPHECY One of the outstanding events in 1965 is the CATTLE BOWL game played between the Falfa Fowls and the Gem Village Stones. The coaches of these two outstanding games are Don (Fumble Fingers) McCoy and Dave (Lightening) Neuenschwander. Anything goes in this game. The news just came over the AP that Barbara Wommer has just been presented with the tail of her first bull. You’ll all remember when she accepted the position, directly after graduation, as secretary to EL Capitan, the great bullfighter, and learned the trick of the trade so thoroughly from her former employer that she became Mexico’s top woman bullfighter. Elmer Beebe, finder of vast oil and gas reserves, recently completed a 200,000 ft. wildcat well, producing30 barrels of salt water and 1 barrel of seaweed, but the thing that makes him the West's richest man is parafusulia and psuedo-oolite, rare fossil specimens from the depths of the unknown.

Page 24 text:

SENIOR CLASS WILL I, DONNIE McCOY, will my sports ability to Bill Penn. I, JIMMY SOWER, will my masculine ability to Butch Wells. I, GORDON POWELL, will my haircut to Donald Sower. I, LEONARD PETERSON, will my baseball enthusiasm to Stanley Morrison. I, GEORGE WISER, will my dinner chair at the cafe to anybody that will take it. I, WARREN HILL, will my physics grades to Mathew Bigham. I, DAVID NEUENSCHWANDER, will my football ability to Kenneth Payne. I, BILL SQUIRES, will my boring civics class to the freshmen. I, DAVID PERCELL, will my ability to poach to someone who wants or needs it. (Caroll Martin) I, DICK WELLS, will my girlfriend to Brad Newton. I, LEE CUNDIFF, will my working ability to Stanley Cundiff. I, ELMER BEEBE, will my citizen grades to Jimmy Thomas. I, WAYNE MARTIN, will my ability to get along with Mrs. Short to Elmer Powell he needs it. I, BETTY McINTYRE, will my air force boyfriends to Nina Krukenmeier. I, LaVONNE McCOY, will my spelling grades to Shirley Chadd. I, FREDA BEUTEN, will my size to Sylvia Mullen. I, BARBARA WOMMER, will my little sister to George C. I, WANDA PETERSON, will my short hair to Allene Davis.