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Page 26 text:
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BAYARD TRANSCRIPT VOLUME LXXX No. 13 June 13, 1978 Twenty years ago, Bayard High School graduated a class of thirty-five most unusual people. Each of these individuals has met with considerable and singular success in his or her chosen vocations, and has attained social prominence; yet each of these former graduates has remained unmarried. We wish to dedicate this issue to that outstanding class of 1958. We salute: Patsy Brown, on-the-spot photographer for Reek magazine. Paul Sauer, chief psychiatrist at the Sunrose Sanitarium for elephants with complexes. Ted Kraus, who possesses the only chain of oxygen stations on the moon. Hellene Foreman, the world’s most dedicated professional hypnotist. Ron Leis, a well-paid bookie at Churchill Downs. Wayne Eden, a hard-working missionary to Hawaiians in Africa. Kenneth Parriott, an artist who decorates hand-painted neckties. Jo Anne Parker, who owns a huge potato farm in Greenland. Jack Mues, the owner of a clothing store for tall people. Linda Maxcy, the girl who rocked the world by being the first woman ever to fly to the moon. Marshall Roderick, Alfred E. Neuman’s personal agent. Fred Tafoya, the wealthy manufacturer of portable wolf whistles. Judy Speer, a famous bubble dancer. Stanley Schumacher, an official in the Salvation Army. Mary Schmunk, the personal secretary to a talented poet. EuDean Terrell, Mary Schmunk’s gifted employer. Gary Faessler, the great opera star who became famous for his part in the Broadway play, “Silence is Golden.” Phyllis Little, the chief scrubwoman at Rockefeller Center. Melvin Sauer, who has made a great reputation for himself as a millionaire playboy. Harlean Yekel, the famous bearded lady of Ringling Bros. Circus. Lorraine Willey, the well-known television star who advertises Jello. Darrell Parker, the Czar of Abattoir. Eileen Schaffer, the new head of the F.B.I. Duane Laeger, President of the Tweezy Toozy Lipstick Company. Alan Plummer, the chief tester of Tweezy Toozy Lipstick. Florence Pieper, the world’s most erudite diamond expert. Dale Schwartz, a heroic captain in the Foreign Legion. Darlene Lundgren, that aristocratic owner of “Barky Dog Farms.” Bill Wallesen, the most talented dog-catcher the world has ever known. Ruby FJewett, better known as “Harmony Hattie” who met with overnight success as a recording star. David Cunningham, a Chicago sale barn’s chief hog caller. Barbara Chase, whose husky voice has made her a famous night-club star. Bob Brening, a skilled tree surgeon. Tom Witham, a department head in a candy plant who counts the squares in Hershey Bars. Joan Hepburn, the head elevator girl in the Statue of Liberty. 20
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Page 25 text:
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LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF THE CLASS OF 1958 We departing graduates of Bayard High School, being of sound mind and in possession of sober judgment, do now make our final bequests to those who remain in dear old B.H.S. Bob Brening wills his reputation as a stag to Jake Schmunk. Patsy Brown leaves what’s left of the old Pontiac to her brother, Paul. David Cunningham wills his “high forehead and straight nose” to Dallas Hubbard. Barbara Chase wills her soft voice to Harry Lee Wilhelm. Wayne Eden bequeaths his pink and black jacket and his hot “lil” blue Plymouth to Ivan Christian. Gary Faessler wills his car to Gary Hersh. Hellene Foreman wills her red hair to Betty Vandivort. Joan Hepburn wills her nickname. Butch, back to the bulldogs. Ruby Hewett leaves to Pat Sittner her ability to gain permission to use her boyfriend’s car. Ted Kraus bequeaths his dark wavy hair to James Lind. Duane Laeger wills his time spent AWOL from study hall to Linda Bowden. Ron Leis leaves his position on the bench to all future bench warmers of B.H.S. Darlene Lundgren leaves to Delores Langhofer her good study habits. Linda Maxcy wills her place on the Sandburr to her sister, Alfretta. Jack Mues leaves his ability to squeeze into the smallest desk in the room to Bill Whitney. Darrell Parker wills his machine gun to Mr. Calvert. Jo Ann Parker leaves her love life with more than one boy to Jo Dee Kaasch. Kenneth Parriott wills his presidency of the F.F.A. to George Suhr. Florence Pieper wills to Mr. Baker her driving ability. Alan Plummer leaves his buttons and belts to Roy Sheldon. Eileen Schaffer leaves to her sister, LaVonne, the seniority rights to sneak the car. Mary Schmunk leaves her idealistic ways to all future pessimists of Bayard High. Paul Sauer bequeaths his height and position as center on the basketball team to Bill Schneider. Melvin Sauer wills his driver’s license to his little brother, Lemoine. Judy Speer wills her ability to study to her brother, Neal. Dale Schwartz wills his ability to walk away from car wrecks without injury to Janet Hepburn. Lorraine Willey bequeaths her giggle to Mr. Knepper. Stanley Schumacher wills his slap-happy sense of humor to Virginia Feagler. Fred Tafoya wills his long eyelashes to Mary Coolidge. Phyllis Little leaves the cigarette lighter willed to her by past generations to the janitor’s room. EuDean Terrell bequeaths his winning way with Mr. James to Gary Walker. Bill Wallesen wills his bad luck to anyone with a good rabbit’s foot. Tom Witham wills his size 7 tennis shoes to Melvin Mehling. Harlean Yekel bequeaths her man-sized cheerleading sweater to Lance Elliot. Marshall Roderick wills his curly locks to Bob Sweem. 19
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