Amherst College - Olio Yearbook (Amherst, MA)

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screeched and hissed, and got so hot that the boards over which he was rolling began to smoke. In his high, rasping tones he cried : 1've been everywhere-to the sun, the stars, and even to the bowels of the earth, but I have never yet en- countered such a wee thing as ninety-three. Break my sides with a sledge hammer, pulverize me, dissolve me in HzSO4, precipitate me with HzS, but don't - ' tl' it 'l' 'F 'l' 'F ' 'l' 2 When Ommie had suflieiently cooled himself to be touched, he was put out of the room. Thus deprived of his valuable services, we were compelled to take down our old Olioscope and see if Ommie had exaggerated. We focussed it upon that emerald mass of protoplasm that was hurled at the college in the fall of eighty-nine. We waited long and patiently for some- thing to appear. At first nothing was discernible, but by means of the Olioscope's audiphone, we could hear some discordant sounds, which were supposed to issue from Gould's mouth. Then there was a constant snapping and a cracking of future promises of greatness, and finally, a whole bundle of cherished hopes fell with such a crash that they proclaimed at once that the general cussedness of Sophomore year was at high tide. During the winter term, we saw Charley Wells and Bobby Weston boost the little fellows on to the train, at Blakelield Way Station, and they were off for supper. The conductor kindly drove them out of the cars at Springfield, and a big policeman led them to their hotel. After a few milk-toasts all around, which were ordered by H. Park Shootlyer, of Ohoho, the chil- dren returned. 'l'he committee of arrangements were liberally supplied with toast. Then again, we saw them stand around their base-ball soap- bubble as it rose for a few weeks and glimmered in the air. Each little pair of hands was extended heavenward, and from each tiny throat came little exultant yells, but alas! the bubble of victory couldn't stand the first base playing of Beekman, and as it collapsed, the little hands dropped and the little mouths ceased their yellingg and Stubby Taylor was sad. In the gentle springtime, ninety-three acquitted herself very pathetically. ln this she had the help of Henry Noel Potter. 30 4

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fQ fz2-177215243 .ie 2 f i 'aa 7' 1, -31,1 fa Q15 CLASS Y1cI.L. s? -. w!L..y:.:L -- . ffygylw' . , l g,- ni if 'I ' f' . Hiro-lice! Hiro-keel 4' 5, 1 Boom-a-laka! Boom-a-laka ! .gi H Ninety-three l E . , +.tX ,ew it 1 Aj W fi' f Cmss CUIKJRS-01.13 Gomu ANI! GARNIQT. 4 i The Oliometer was a patented, cast-iron registrar. QNO insinua- tion on Swampy, by the Way.j It was of such peculiar con- struction that it could be at- tached to any organization, and as it was recommended to us by Ninety-one as a faithful friend who would record the good deeds of any class, we unwittingly engaged it. Early last spring it was attached to Ninety-three, and this fall it was asked for a report of the numerous escapades and achievements of that illustrious class. Well, Ommie began, I left the class for a short time and took a trip to the moon. One night, as I was looking over the fate book, I inci- dently asked Mrs Clotho about the class of Ninety-three, Amherst College, the Earth. She told me that the said class was des- tined to be unfortunate in all its undertakings. A great disap- pointment, I'll admit. She also said that the cause of all their misfortunes was that they should be so unfortunate as to enter college at the beginning of the Ephriam Ides. Ommie drew a long breath, took two screws from his body and smiled. Then, suddenly changing his manner, he laughed hysterically and rolled to the floor. He darted from corner to corner, X ffptli .Q lm, , '1 WI il Wi' W I wg 'bw , IM MM H f U ',1 ,if Z i if 6 i ur f i f t ' itll' itil' Jli gs X W 29 I

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Boldly they marched from Pach's studio, divided at Lentell's, hollered at the Laboratory 3 but all in vain. The flag didn't go up on the Observatory, and I-Ienry's plans 'gang a'gle. Of course, it was to be expected that they would, but when Ninety-three put Talcott at the head of Potter's plans with instructions to carry them out, it was a combination of circumstances which can be accounted for only in the fate book at the moon. .'l'alcott's alarm clock didn't go off, and is it to be wondered at? And yet, Talcott was blamed by his class-mates. Too bad, Tal- cott, but such is the injustice of cruel fate. Speaking of you reminds us, by the way, Talcott, that you looked very pretty in the glee club picture with your big banjo box, on which your girl had painted your initials, shoved well into the fore- ground. Do you not think so, Brother 'l'alcott? The fellows who threw stones at Gregg, while he was wav- ing a Ninety-two Hag from the top of College Hall, showed that they possessed the proper spirit g or perhaps, a little of the improper spirit. We don't suppose that Ninety-three is in any way responsible for the presence of Ide among them, but he is there just the same. One night, not long since, as he was approaching a couple of lady friends, they suddenly turned and shot at him with a pistol. A cap pistol.-lde fell to the sidewalk and cried in agonizing tones: Oh, G-dg I'm shot ! We would suggest to Ninety-four that they purchase a few toy pistols for use against Ninety-three in case of an emergency. But why mention all these things, Ninety-three is here among us, and is known to you all. '.l'hey occupy Sophomore seats in church and chapel, pay their tuition fee, and pose as receptacles of learning, Their one great mistake has been in letting Ninety-one do all the thinking for them, when they might have known that Ninety-one had more than she could do to think for herself. But the class of Ninety-three is young yet, and perhaps, after Ninety-one leaves college, Ninety-three may improve some and do something. Who knows? 3K