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Page 82 text:
Freshmen, you have long enough been abused, in fact you have been
made the victim of every stale joke that has ever been printed! Brilliant
satirists have made you babies with abnormally little sense, have lost you
in the hallsg have had you holding your hands in the air until further con-
tinuation of the operation would have caused said members to become
fixed in that positiong have had you fleeing or cowering at the approach
of every upper classman for so long that a credulous public has begun to
to believe such libel and your character has been sadly damaged.
But since this editorial staff contains neither an Ananias nor a satirist,
we will neither leave you shivering in the hall nor holding your hand in
space but will for once tell the public the truth.
Therefore be it known unto the general public:
The Alton High School Freshmen are as learned as the most learned
could desire, in fact we very much doubt whether there is one member of
the class who cannot say "He learnt me this" with as much ease as your-
self. They lind their way about perfectly, being neither blind nor scared
to deathg on the contrary their insatiable curiosity leads them to even pry
open the door of the janitor's closet in search of some place they should
not go, not being so ignorant as not to know that raising one's hand
necessitates the raising of the arm likewise, thus endangering the making
of a rent in the fabric used in the construction of the sleeve or adjoining
portionsg they never raise their hands but merely open their mouths and
articulate very clearly and distinctly. They flee at the approach of no
one, not even Mr. Lorch, but even go so far as to request information of
that gentlemen on the subject of a curled mustache.
They are not Lilliputians, but are, on the average, of a goodly stature.
General public, upper classmen: Make fun of our Freshmen no longer.
Respect that famous saying, "You've gotta quit kickin' my dawg aroun'."
"If to her share some female errors fall,
Look on her face and y0u'1I forget them all."
Page 81 text:
Page 83 text:
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