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Page 154 text:
Editor in Chief, - - William LaMothe, A.B., CAlways Batsl.
Business Mgr., - - Leo Francis Grosh, B.S., CBaby Sisterl.
fThe following are a few sample definitions to be found in the Altonianj.
Cheat-The name applied by some few old fogies to the sensible and pro-
gressive persons who use the most new, up-to-date, scientific and safe plans for
allowing some other lazy individual to save their tired overworked brains the
danger from nervous prostration likely to be brought on by doing just that particular
Excuse-A true CFD explanation of absence, always brought from home CU.
It saves further questioning from over-inquisitive persons.
Fudge-The term applied to a heterogeneous conglomeration of unhygienic
fodder, united by unsanitary methods for the express purpose of promulgating
Girl-The only word in the Engligh language impossible of analyzation.
Experience counts for nothing unless it teaches the student to stop the course.
Many have entered the girlology course but the wisest have failed to graduate.
Even Solomon failed here, and therefore is it to be wondered at that such men as
Gaskins, McKinney, Perrin and Juttemeyer have been forced to exclaim, "The
more we learn the more we learn we donlt know? " Gill Ca Freshmanb handed
in a 500 page description of his prospective experiences. The Altonian wishes
to thank Mr. Gill. His contributions will be found on page 2313 of the 1323rd
volume of the Altonian.
Home-There is no place like home to eat onels meals. There is no place
like home to spend one's evenings Cprovided it is her homej. There is no place like
home to sleep Cprovided you have a latch keyb.
Teacher--This species Cit has not yet been decided whether they are human
or notl has probably more other names than any other. It is known as pedagogue,
crab, old man, old lady, instructor, etc., but it is usually designated either by a
special nickname peculiarly fitted to its habits or by the last name allotted to it by
nature Ca most skillful giver of fitting namesb. This species does not exactly
resemble any other species, having a much fiercer and more determined look,
probably gotten by the habit they have acquired of having their own ways. They
can usually be distinguished by spectacles, and a formidable weapon in one hand,
often a ruler. They will fight if not cornered. The best advice that can be given
in regard them is-4to avoid them whenever possible.
NOTE.-The full edition of this encyclopedia appears on pages 1323-2313 of the
TATLER. Don't miss it? Look for it.
' A 'Papa " --C. P. STEWARD.
Page 153 text:
mmm CALENDAR. mmm
Sept. 5th-For the first time on record
school began on September 5th, 1912.
Sept. 14th-Note. CApology. Since
it has been an unbroken custom to lose
someone or something-although it was
never stated whether they were recovered
or not-before this date we must apologize
for the fact that either because the editor
does not know his business or because of
some other unexplainable error no one has
been either lost, strayed or stolen.j
Sept. 19th-Three fair freshmen decide
that mother needs them and start to leave
when tickets are being distributed. Being
called back amid great laughter they feel
that embarrassment is the proper thing and
blush most becomingly.
Sept. 24th-Note. tApology. Since
it has been another unbroken custom to
have several Freshmen raise their hands-
although it was never stated whether or
not they lowered them-before this date,
we must apologize for the fact that either
because the editor was near-sighted or
because of some other unexplainable error
no hand has either been raised or lowered
Sept. 25th-Born to Mr. and Mrs.
R. L. Bird, a daughter. Congratulations.
Oct. 1st-Freshmen class meeting.,
Although there was but one nomination for
President Qthat being made by the presid-
ing oflicerb ballots were distributed and
they vote as usual.
Oct. 6th- "Push" won't risk their
imaginary "rep" against Kanawha. '
Oct. 15th-We are sorry to announce
that Mr. Steward was confined to his room
all last night, having sprained his index
finger in pointing at a rebellious Senior.
Oct. 20th-Where does jim Forbes get
so much to eat? Answer: At the table,
of course. -
Nov. 15th-People of Alton sorely
shocked when it is announced that the
team will play the ladies of the Alumnae.
Nov. 23d-B. C. leaves. fSorrow and
Nov. 25th-Greenfield turned yellow.
Dec. 12th-Kanawha defeats Illini.
Dec. 15th-Miss Gillmore gives the
jan. 15 -The Board of Education
adopts a progressive policy. They order
first departure at once. Order the assem-
bly room ceiling retinted.
jan. 30th-Note. fApology. Nothing
happening but sleigh rides and they hap-
pen in the dark, not on paper.J
Feb. 4th-Granite City yellow.
Feb. 14th-Miss Hyatt entertains
the Tatler Staff. Alton wins second place
Southern Illinois Basketball Tournament.
March 1st-School is still standing.
March 15th-No special holidays as yet.
March 29th-Alton defeats Manual.
April 12th-Rose o' Plymouth Town.
Boys of cast have nerve racking day.
April 19th-Alton wins Southern Illi-
nois Championship in extempore speaking.
April 30th-C. P. S. heard singing.
When asked what the ditty was, he replied
that it was a new song hit. called "Casey
May 1st-Book goes to press.
May 17-Alton wins State Champion-
ship in extempore speaking.
The following are yet to come, although
some will be history when this sees light of
May 18th+Track meet.
May 29th-junior Circus.
june 7th--junior Excursion.
"Cursed be he that moves my bones."-Hizarmc PLANT.
Page 155 text:
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SINGLE COPIES - 13 BYTHE YEAR 25
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