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Page 137 text:
A BROADCASTING RECIPE
This is the story of a young bride who
asked her husband to copy off a radio recipe'
she wanted. He did his best but got two
stations at once, one of which was broad-
casting the morning exercises and the other
This is what he took down:
Hands on hips, place one cup of flour on
the shoulders, raise knees and depress toes
and mix thoroughly in one-half cup milk.
Repeat six times. Inhale quickly one-half
teaspoon of baking powder, lower the legs
and mash two hard-boiled eggs in a sieve.
Exhale, breathe naturally, and sift in a bowl.
Attention! Lie flat on floor and roll the
white of an egg backward and forward until
it comes to a boil. In ten minutes remove
from fire, and rub smartly with a rough
towel. Breathe naturally, dress in warm
flannels and serve with soup.
AS THEY WOULD SAY IT NOW
Samson: "I'm strong for you, kid."
Ionala: "You can't keep a good man
David: "The bigger they are, the harder
Helen of Troy: "So this is Parisf'
Columbus: "I don't know where I'm
going, but I'm on my way."
Nero: "Keep the home fires burning."
Solomon: "I love the ladies."
Noah: "It floatsf'
Mefhuselab: "The first five hundred
years are the hardest."
Queen Elizabeth to Sir Walter Raleigh:
"Keep your shirt onf'
NO DISCREPANCY THERE
Teacher Qsternlyj: "This essay on 'Our
Dog' is word for word the same as your
Small Boy: "Yes ma'amg it's the same
REPORTER'S FIRST EFFORT
A man killed a dog belonging to another
man. The son of the man whose dog was
killed proceeded to whip the man who killed
the dog of the man he was the son of. The
man who was the son of the man whose dog
was killed was arrested on complaint of the
man who was assaulted by the son of the
man whose dog the man who was assaulted
for flog,', says
"Lighthouse no good
Chinaman. "Lighthouse he shine whistle
he blow, flog bell he ling, and flog he come
just the same. No gloodf'
The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
Along the quiet lanes the cattle come.
The plowman puts his implements away
Then jumps into his car and motors home.
With violet cuddling in his arms,
He drove his Ford-poor silly.
W'here once he held his Violet,
There now is clasped a lily.
Teacher: "Can't you name even one
product exported by Cuba? Where do you
get your sugar?',
Tommy: "From the neighbors mostly."
The question of the correct plural of the
word, "mongoose" was solved by a gentle-
man who wanted a pair of these interesting
and affectionate creatures.
He wrote to a dealer: "Sir, please send me
He did not like the looks of this, tore up
the paper, and began again: "Sir, please send
me two mongoosesf,
This version did not satisfy him any
better than the first so he wrote: "Sir, please
send me a mongose, and, by the way, send
, A ,
Page 136 text:
A new one on the absent-minded man.
A fellow who put on his office door a
card saying: "Out. Will be back in ten
minutes," and on his return sat down on
the steps to wait for himself.
Book Agent fto Mr. Childersj : "You ought
to buy an encyclopedia, now that your
boy is going to school."
Mr. Childers: "Not on your life. Let
Charles walk, the same as I did."
Iimmic Hawkins: "I hate those impromptue
complexions, don't you?"
Nancelie Utf: "What do you mean?"
Iimmie: "Those they make up as they go
I. C. Powell: "I snore so loud I wake my-
self, it's hopeless I presumef'
Doc.: "No, just a simple case: sleep in an-
There, little grapefruit, don't you cry,
'Cause when you do, it hits my eye.
"Yes," said the proud mother, "Rex is one
1 of the best football players at his school.
Heis the drawbackf,
Hints to Travelers
To close a trunk when over-packed:
1. Lose Key down the well.
2. Trunk lid will automatically slam and
remain permanently locked.
When 'Tis Folly to Be Wise
Possible Employer-"But you're asking
rather high wage, seeing that you know
nothing about the work."
Reba Heiskell-"But, you see, not know-
in' the works makes it so much harder for
Letting Fate Do Its Worst
The Smiths are on the balcony and can
hear what a young couple are saying in
the garden below.
Mrs. Smith-"I think he wants to pro-
pose. We ought not to listen. Whistle to
Mr. Smith-"Why should I? Nobody
whistled to warn me.',
"Talk about torture!!"
"Nothing worse- than sitting in a barber's
chair with your mouth full of lather watch-
ing the boy trying to give another customer
Customer in drug store fon Sunday
morningj: "Please give me change for a
Druggist: "Here you are. I hope you
enjoy the sermon."
HOW ABOUT IT, WALTER
Fatfy: "Who gave the bride away?"
Caffyr "NValter Winchel, last Thursdayf,
The laziest woman lives in Eldorado. She
puts popcorn in her pancakes so they will
fever hear about the absent-minded prof
who fell in while boating and sank twice
before he remembered he could swim?
Page 138 text:
,'. B. Irwin Qhaving rough shavej: "1
say barber, do you have another razor?,'
Barber: 'lYes, why?"
I. B.: "I want to defend myselff'
ujohn, I'm sure I heard a mouse squeak."
"Well, do you want me to get up and oil
Hobo: "Boss, will you give me a dime
for a sandwich?,'
AI Boatman: "I.et's see the sandwich."
judge: "What possible excuse could you
have for acquitting the prisoner?"
Foreman: "Insanity, Sir."
Iuzlge: "What, all twelve of you?"
Margie Carroll: "I understand you are
looking for a new maid."
Mary S. Maloney: "Yes, our last one
handled China like Japanf'
Dentist: "You needn't open your mouth
any wider. When I pull your tooth, I ex-
pect to stand outside."
Mrs. Ballard: "What,s the idea of poling
the broom in baby's face this morning.
Mr. Ballarol: UI just wanted him to get
used to kissing his grandfather?
A boy was about to purchase a seat for a
movie in the afternoon. The box-office
man asked, "Why aren't you in school?"
"Oh, it's all right, sir," said the youngster
earnestly, "Iv's1got measles."
Ola' Colorezl Mammy: "I wants a ticket
Ticket Agent Qafter ten minutes of weary
thumbing over railroad guidesj: "Where is
Old Colored Mammy: "She,s settin' over
dar on de bench."
Major: "What is a maneuver?"
R. O. T. C. Boy: "Something you put
on the grass to make it green sir."
Tlac Boss Qsmilinglyj: "On the way to
Smith and Sons you will pass a baseball field
Hugh Hall Qhopefullyj: "Yes, Sir?"
The Boss Qstill smilingj: "Well, pass it."
Target Iustrurtor: "Where the dickens
are your shots going?"
Seaman: "I don'tiknow, but they're leav-
ing this end all right."
Delia Michael: 'tW'aiter, I was here yester-
day and had a steak."
Waiter: "Yes, sir, will you have the same
Delia: "Well, I might as we-ll, if no one
else is using it."
'SHE SHOULD WORRY
Here lies the body of Susan Jones,
Resting beneath these polished stones,
Her name was Brown instead of Jones,
But Brown wonlt rhyme with polished
And She won't know if it,s Brown or Jones.
MIGHT HAVE BEEN AN ARROW
I sneezed a sneeze into the air.
It fell to ground I know not where,
But hard and cold were the looks of those
In whose vicinity I snoze.
Teacher: "Give an example of period
Starohojne: "Well, I should say an elec-
tric chair, because it ends a sentencef'
Teaeher: "What is a comet?"
Pupil: "A star with a tail."
Teacher: "Very good. Name onef'
Pupil: "Mickey Mouse."
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