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Page 134 text:
UI-Iear about Jimson being in the hos-
"In the hospital? Why, I saw him last
night dancing with a dizzy blondef,
"Yeh! So did his wife."
No Question About It
The pupil was having trouble with his
punctuation and was being called down by
'iNever mind, sonny," said the visiting
school board president, consolingly. "They
don't amount to much anyway."
K'Don,t they?" rejoined the teacher, turn-
ing to the president. Then calling to one
of the pupils she ordered the boy to write
on the board this sentence: 'tThe president
of the board says the teacher is a fool."
"Now," she continued, 'Tut a comma
after 'boardy and another after 'teacher'."
It was in front of an art institute where
two stone lions stand guard on the steps.
"How often, my lad, do they feed those
lions?" said a man to a little newsboy.
"Whenever they roar, sir," was the straight-
"Now," said Colonel Hersolt, "we'll play
The Stars and Stripes Foreverln
i'Gosh!" exclaimed Foster Lee, "I've just
Mary Iolmston: "Well, nurse, why isn,t
today tomorrow when you said it would
be last night?"
Did you hear about the Scotchrnan who
went down to the Black Sea to fill his
Lonnie Bolding: "I hear your store was
robbed last night. Lose much?,'
The Opfimiszf: "Some. But it would have
been worse if the yeggs had got in the
night before. You see yesterday I just
finished marking down everything 20 per
"Ah, my boy, I owe a great deal to one
"No, my landladyf,
Bennie Rzzlla Garraff: "And for Bonnie
Annie Laurie I'd Lay Me Down and Die."
Lixfemw' Crisingj: "Is Miss Laurie in the
"What? The main road to Binksville is
open all the way?"
"Yes, we had to open it until we get the
Dorcas Biifings: "What made you quarrel
Margaret Anne: "Well, he proposed to me
again last night."
Dorcas: "Where was the harm in that?"
Rita: "My dear, I had accepted him the night
"This train is for Dallas and points east!"
bawled the announcer.
"I want one that goes to Kansas City
and I don,t care which way it points,"
snapped the old lady in the bonnet.
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Page 135 text:
ESSAY ON A COW
A cow is an animal with four legs on
the under side, and is born when very
young Cso is her calfj. A cow is useful
in two ways. It gives milk. The milk is
good to drink. Also white. So is the left
hind foot, except on brown cows, and theirs
are black. A cow has ears that wiggle on
hinges. So does her tail. A cow is bigger
than a calf, but not so big as an elephant.
Cows are made small so they can get into
the barn when no one is looking. Some
cows are black and others hook. Cows
have horns but they canlt blow them.
To freeze cows, milk you use ordinary cold
ice. Cows' milk straight is too strong,
therefore they always dilute it at the well.
All cows give milk and butter, but no
eggs. A cow has a tail also which hangs by
one end, and swings to and fro-mostly
fro. A dead cow will not hurt you. Neither
will a live one after it is dead. That is
all there is about a cow.
Sfern. Father fto L. A. Boli departing for
boarding schoolj: "Now, don't let me
hear any bad reports about you!"
L. A.: "I'1I try hard, Dad. But you know
how those things leak out."
At the Baseball Game
Delia: "What's the man running for?
Harry: "He hit the ball.
Delia: "I know, but is he required to chase
Pa: "At last I found a way to make that
. young scamp of yours stop winking his
Pa: "Yes, 1,11 show him the article in this
science magazine where it says that every
time we wink we give the eye a bath.
Paw, what is the difference between capi-
tal and labor?
Paw: Well, the money you lend represents
capital, and getting it back represents
labor, my son.
Pa, what's a post graduate?
Paw: A fellow who graduates from one of
the correspondence schools, I suppose.
He grasped her roughly by the wrist
and drew her forward. She was deathly
pale. Her free arm dangled helplessly at her
side. Her very purity was transparent, but
she was stiff, unyielding. He drew her gently
to himself, his hand sought her fluttering
She broke. She yielded.
That white breast was finally resting upon
Their arms were entwined.
"Thank God!" he said, "that I sent you to
the laundry yesterday-else I'd be wearing
a dirty shirt now."
l'Willie," said his mother, "I wish you
would run across the street and see how
old Mrs. Brown is this morning."
"Yes'm," replied Willie, and a few min-
utes later he returned and reported:
"Mrs. Brown says it's none of your busi-
ness how old she is."
A maiden lady of uncertain age became
very indignant when the census taker asked
how old she was. Did you see the girls next
door, she asked, the Hill Twins.
"Certainly," replied the man.
"And did they tell you their age?"
"Well," she snapped, "I am just as old as
"Oh, very well," said the census man.
And he wrote in his book, "Sarah Stokes, as
old as the Hills."
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