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Page 141 text:
Peggy Humlbbrey: "What do you think of
me as a poet?"
Lorraine Albin: "You'd be much better if
your feet were uniform."
A middle-aged woman lost her balance and
fell out of a window into a garbage can. A
Chinaman passing remarked: "Americans
vely wasteful. That woman good for ten
Sign on Gus Girlinghouse's door: "If I am
studying when you enter, wake me upf'
Bass Williailzs: "Darling, kisses are the
language of lovef'
Mariba Donald: "Well, then, why don't
you learn something besides baby talklv
Sain Leeman: "You've brought me a vege-
Waifcfr: "No, it's our regular shore dinner.
Sam: 'KWhere does the shore come in?"
Wfaifer: "It,s in the spinach."
Henry Lee Gafes: "Say, Bill, your engine's
Bill jones: "Well, it's old enough."
Cop: "Where have you been?',
Crook: "Oh, just out in the crowd for a
Ariafor: "Great Scot, the engines are miss-
ing and the propellers have snapped."
Dodd Osburn flZt"YL"0llSjI "Thank good-
Now we can go down!"
Billy Maxwell: "Do big boats like this sink
Bill See: UNO, only once."
Sybil Wbeatleyi: "Don't you really know
the difference between a haunted house and
an adorable fellow who wants to kiss you?l'
Wilbzir Teubner: "No, honestlyfl
Sybil: "Well, you can't let the haunted
Don't study when you're tired,
Or have anything else to dog
Don't study when you're happy,
For that will make you blue:
Don't study in the daytime,
And donlt study at night,
But study at all other times
With all you main and might.
Sybil Roan: "You are like a doll I once
Norman Wfafson: "Handsome?,'
Sybil: "No, brokef'
Did you ever consider how absence
Makes the marks grow rounder?
Son: "Pa, what did prehistoric monsters
Pa: "I don't remember son. Ask your
Mary Iobnsfon: "I was awakened last
night to see two burglars step into the room.
Then the clock struck one."
Bill Brown: "Which one?"
The Editor used
This in a pinch:
He needed exactly
Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg
Address while traveling from Washington to
Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.
Miss Lankforal: "Now, Katheryn, name
three strong nouns."
Kafbryn Hord: "Onions, garlic and lim-
"So your son is in college. How is he
"He isn't. I'm making it, and heh spend-
ing it." I
Professor: "I suppose your father will be
unstrung when he hears about your exams?"
BerryDa1.fis: "No, I wired him last nightf'
Page One Hzzndrerl Tbirfy-Seven
Page 140 text:
Monroe johnson: "I'1l show you something
that will make make dirt fly."
Mrs. Iolanson: "A new kitchen cleanser?,'
Monroe: "No, a golf clubf,
LaVerne King: "I understand your new job
as a human cannon ball is very annoying."
George Daft: "Yes, I get fired every day."
THE CANNIBAL FLEA
It was many and many a year ago
In a district styled E. C.,
That a monster dwelt that I came to know
By the name of Cannibal Flea,
And the brute possessed no other thought
Than to live-and to live on me.
Billy Knapp: "The boss just made me the
manager of his doughnut factory."
jane Ranrlall: "Congratulations Are you
in charge of everything?"
Billy: "Yeah, the hole works."
A1110 Salesman: "And, my good man, this
used car is the opportunity of a lifetime."
Roy Long: "You're right: I hear it knock-
Ethel Heflwringiorz: "Will you help the
'Old Ladies I-Iome'?"
Leon Price: "Where are they."
Doris Gooden: "Isn't Niagara wonderful?
I could just stand and look at it forever."
john Tyler: l'But wouldnlt it be rather
trying to go through life with a cataract in
Leon Dierolf: "Please let me hold your
hand for a minutef,
Virginia Heiskell: "All right, but how are
you going to know when the minute is up?',
Leon: "Oh, I'll have the second hand for
Alf Burr: "What,s the matter over there?,'
Nancy Peebles: "A Boy Scout did so many
good turns he got dizzy."
Page One Hnnrlrecl Tbirly-Six
Doroflry Dell Keifla: 'KHOW in the world
do you ever expect to make a living?,'
Bill Miller: t'By writingf,
Doroilay Dell: "Writing what?"
Bill: "Writing home."
Floyzl Terry: "What kind of instrument
George Sebastian: "A shoe horn."
Floyd: "What does it play?,'
Freshman: "Oh, I have an ideaf,
Sophomore: "Beginner's luck,"
Mamlelle Dorseff: "Is Miss Eisenlohr in?"
Lnfa Scruggs: "No.,'
Ma11a'elle: 'KWell, just throw this poem in
the wastebasket for her, will you?"
Then there is the proud father who wanted
his boy to be a carpenter, so he sent him to
Chnl Linn: "See that fellow giving imita-
tions over there? What does he always re-
mind you of?"
Forrest McCord: "The ten bucks I owe
Villian: "Ha, I-Ia! You are helpless: the
old homstead belongs to mef'
Hero: "And where are the papers."
Villian: "At the blacksmith's."
Hero: "You're having them forgedl'
Villian: "No, no, I am having them filed."
They sat like this
Mrs. Banker: "I'm sorry, but you don't
fit the part."
Elizabeth Emmons: "Why not?"
Mrs. Banker: "You're too light to play a
Page 142 text:
Iafle Willis: "I'm in a terrible fix and
have no idea where to get money from."
james Ross: 'iGood, I was afraid you
thought you could get some from me."
Miss Aclualclell: "Bob, please cell me what it
is, when I say, 'I love, you love, he loves-, "
Bob Wf1lf: "That's one of those triangles
where somebody gets shotf'
M. V. McDonald: "At least, misrepresent-
ing chemical facts isn't my weakness."
Mr. Czmyzzs: UNO, it's your strength."
Margarrf Brown: "Why don't you answer
Bffafzfin' Cbap111a11: "I did, I shook my
Margarrf: "But you don't expect me to
hear it rattle way up here, do you?"
Hr' with hands over her e es : "If ou
1 v 4 y y
can't guess who it is in three guesses, I'm
going to kiss you."
Slar: "Jack Frost, Davy Jones, Santa
Aftorncy: "Where were you on December
Wiflzess: 'KWhere was I December 2Sth?
Why, wasn't that Christmas?"
Miss Hammock: "Can anyone mention a
case of great friendship made famous through
l'll1CI1I'f'lU Ienson: "Mutt and Jeff."
Charles Reclaling: "They cold me my
flivver was twenty horsepower, but I've
only been able to locate four.',
Why does cream rise to the top?
So the people can get it.
Gorilla warfare means when the sides get
up to monkey tricks.
A circle is a line with no kinks in it
joined up so as not to show where it began.
The future of "I give" is "you take".
Mushrooms always grow in damp places
so they look like umbrellas.
Most of the houses in France are made of
plaster of Paris.
Page Om' Humlreal Tbiriy-Eigbl
An active verb shows action, and a pas-
sive verb shows passion.
The correct way to Hnd the key to .1
piece of music is to use a pitch-fork.
It is the duty of the Governor to beg all
pardons and fill all the empty seats in the
A corpse is a dead gentleman, a corpse is
a dead lady.
Rhubarb is a kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Shakespeare wrote tragedies, comedies, and
I1l71l0l'I "Say, dad, that apple I just ate had
a worm in it, and I ate that, too."
Parvnf: "What, drink this water and wash
junior: "Aw, I will not. Let him walk
"Marie, when you wait on my guests at the
table tonight, please don't spill anything."
"Ddh't you worry, ma'am, I know how to
keep my mouth closed."
"I'11 give him a piece of my mind," said a
irate young girl.
"Don,t you mean a chip, my dear?" asked
her bosom friend.
Roy Tlarasb: "I got my whiskers on the
Ea' B. Tlarasla: "On the installment plan?"
Roy: "Yes, a little down each Week."
"Ted, darling," said the sweet young
thing who'd been taken to see her first foot-
ball game, "hoW long does a man have to be
a halfback before they make him a fullback?"
Iacquclyn Fonts Qafter trying on the ninth
graduation dressj : "I really think I look
nicer in something flowingf'
Salesperson: "Why don't you jump in the
Salesman: "These are especially strong
shirts, madam. They simply laugh at the
Customer: "I know that kind, I had some
which came back with their sides split."
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