Abilene High School - Orange and Brown Yearbook (Abilene, KS)

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Senior Class Prophecy E STOOD IN THE LABORATORY of Pro- fessor Lynden Gamber, P. D. Q., B. V. D. who was about to demonstrate his time turningn machine to me. There is a crash, a flash of light, a whirr of grinding wheels, as the professor turns the dials and Starts the machine in operation, and upon the magic screen we see the former graduates of Abilene High School busily engaged in their future occupations. First appears none other than Skyscraper Rutz. who has been enjoying notable success as Durante, the Human Bloodhound. After many years, Rutz finally succeeded in capturing the two most famous bootleggers of all times, Bill Owens and Ozz Simmons. Gunner Mustard, King of the Underworld, swore out the warrant because the boys cheated him in a crap game. Now we see the Slippety Sloop Carnival Com- pany, and who should be billed as Atlas but Dwight Pickerall. As our glance roves we stop be- fore the Hawaiian Village and there, dancing to the- tune of Kenney Holmes gutter,', are the famous Shakem Yancey, Edna Flanagan, and Hips, Hips, Hooray Hockensmith. We are sad- dened by the death of Robert Froelich who was last seen going into the village with a lawnmower. Dr. Dwight Hopkins. Coroner, later reported that the body was sold for buzzard bait. The machine roves on and in quick succession, the following appear: Al Makins, Don Billings, Hairbreadth Harry Leonard, fhusband of the no- torious Belinda Gans, international beautyj and Bill Weaver, all are now members of the Rock Chalk Quartettef' It seems that federal agents caught them raising notes fbank notesj and Uncle Sam decided to further their education of music at the government institution of voice at Sing Sing. Director Leonard states that they will remain in school for an indefinite time. C20 to 50 years.j Oliver Hartenstein and Company, Uean Rogersj, are proprietors of the Whoopie Night Club. For the adagio dancing team they feature John Ayers and Doris Van Duyne. In the orchestra, directed by Glen Strawsburg, King of Jews, we find Law- rence Dieffenbaugh, piccolo player, Dorothy Mil- ler, ivory ticklerg and Cleobelle Seaton, torch singer. Willard Bethe has discarded his eleventh wife, Melva Catch 'em Fisher, in favor of a more tor- rid number called Lydia Linger Long. The grounds were inhuman treatment of Willard's pet boa constrictor. Evelyn Landis is mining for gold somewhere in New York City, where it is rumored Dorothy Dahnke and Lila Ruth Thurber jumped from the roof of Charles Martsolf's penthouse. Glen Weber and the two Tinklers are at their home in Topeka. They say they thoroughly enjoy the asbestos pictureS, overstuffed walls, and pad- ded furniture. Betty Lou Harris and Francis Pretty Boy Brown were arrested in Detroit, Kansas, for selling John Lesher and wife, Lucille Hugg, a set of fur- lined beer mugs which they stole from the apart- gif-:nt of Carry Nation Stants, W. C. T. U. presi- Cnt. joy McMillan, jaunita Reneau, and Bernadell Steele are chorus girls in Chicago. It is 1'L11'I101'CC1 that they are vieing for the love of the famous heartbreaker, Earl Stoffer. Hazel Weber, Marie Haslouer, and Ruth Foster are kindergarten teach- ers at Oxford. Dorothy jean Miller and husband, Lyle Fackler, are motoring to Reno, Nevada, to see Dorothy Amsbaugh who is a waitress in Leroy Anderson's Swept Off the Floor Cafe. Opal Hoffman is a noted singer with the Lauer Metropoetical Opera Company. Ruth McKee helps her sing the choruses. They are now at the local Salvation Army meeting. Cecilia Pientka, Inez Hicks, and Adeline Brown are now confirmed old maid school teachers. They teach typing, book- keeping and foods in dear old A. H. S. Doris Knox is now a substitute teacher in the library and is taking the place of Miss Giles who is ill with the whooping cough. Frances and Helen Kauffman are co-presidents of the Tickling Cough Syrup Companyf' They say that life is just one big sore throat to them. Bruce Nemecheck was struck by a model T Ford one night after a lecture in which he proved that the world was flat like Bobby Brooks's head. It is rumored that Cueball has sold his brain t???j container to the Giese Billiard Manufactur- ing Company. Dean Issitt is pastor at the Lansing Chapel. Some of his regular listeners are Wilbur White, Art Nichols and Herb Meuli. Herb absconded with the class funds in his senior year at A. H. S. Agnes Ayers, who it was rumored has matrimon- ial tendencies toward Kenneth Whitehair, is nurs- ing him back to health. It seems that he jilted Vivian Stevens, Chicago gun moll, and received a terrific beating at her hands. Jack Nelson and wife, Ruth Hurd, are now head clerks in Viola's store. Hazel Huston is a mission- ary in Teachem All in the South Sea Islands. Mary Lucille Asling and Bernice Berger are dem- onstrators of the joe Whitehair Perfect Calf De- veloper. joe Bonfield is chief assistant janitor at Abilene High, but Steven Hollenback, president of the school board, expects to dismiss him soon. Donald Berger has written several books. Among his best sellers are, How to Cheat on Endy's Quiz- zes, and Ten Years in the Reformatoryf' Alma Eisele, Lucille Cormack and Nova Kohart are engaged in cleaning at the Brown Building. Anna Milligan is a resident at the Old Folks' Home. Lenore Hatter, after her disastrous affair with Parson Issitt, has firmly declared never to love another. She now writes for the True Confes- sion Magazinef' Mildred Hoover, Gwendolyn Ro- mine, and Fern Sampson are now featured as fan dancers in the Cave of the Winds. Adah Hamilton is posing as a model for Elmer- liettio Hollar, who after his discharge from the New York Street Cleaning Department, decided to study art. Charlotte Shearer is engaged as a seamstress in a nudist colony somewhere in New York.

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Commencement Baccalaureate Sunday Evening, May Twentieth Nineteen Hundred Thirty-four 1HVOCa'CiOH .................................................................. ..Rev. Dr. Fuller Bergstresser Music- By Bendemeer's Stream ............,,,,,,.,........,,,,.,.,.,.,,.....,.,..,,,.,,,,,.,,, Moore V Girls' Glee Club Scripture ......................... ............................... ........ R e v. David Townley Music- Moonlight ...... ...................................... .,......,........,. B e ethoven GirlS' Sextette Sermon ...... ...................................... .......... R e v. C. A. Shank Benediction ......... ....... R ev. Charles Colas City Auditorium Eight o'Clock Graduation Wednesclay Evening, May Twenty-third Nineteen Hundred Thirty-four Processional- ' Coronation March from The Prophet .............. .i...... M eyerbeer High School Orchestra Invocation ....... ....................................................... R ev, H. Chillington Introduction ....... ........ P rin. M. W. Van Osdol Address ......... .............................................,,.................... H on. W. M. Jardine President Wichita University Music-Minuet-from 3rd Symphony ...,,....................... ........................... H aydn High School Orchestra I Presentation of Diplomas .......................................................... Supt. F. C. Garflllcf Beuediction ,,,,.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ......... R ev. E. F. Boehringer Processional-- Rakoczy M31-Ch .,.,A,,,,-,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.,,,,,,.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.,,,,,,,,.... Hungarian Melody High School Orchestra City Auditorium Eight o'Clock

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Imogene Tyler is a violin scraper with Cab Cut- away's Orchestra. Thelma White is their featured blues singer. And lastly as the picture begins to fade, whom should we see but our own former class president, Margaret Whitehair, who is im- mensely enjoying her second childhood at the Chil- dren's Wonderland in the basement of the new Duckwall Store. How she does attract trade by her winsome smile! VVell, I said, looking at Gamber, It's a great old world after all. Yes, he answered, and stepped to the wine closet, took out a bottle of Sand Springs water and drank to the health of the future graduates of A. H. S. Written and decomposed by the third assistant reporter on the staff of the Scientific Daily. DONALD DOC DIETER. Class History By OPAL HOFFMAN FTER FOUR YEARS of pioneering in a path all its own, the senior class of 1934 has at last arrived at its destination, and journey- worn, dusty traveling cloaks have been replaced by caps and gowns. The goal the seniors have long sought to achieve has at last come to view. Every journey has its rainy days and its sunny days. And through sunshine and shadow the class has eo-operated to overcome resisting obstacles and to blaze a trail to success. Barriers have been con- quered, and the path hewn with victories and some defeats as well, yet our sturdy, courageous little band has advanced, fearless, and undaunted, toward the treasure which the future alone can reveal. In the year IQSO our determined group first en- tered the halls of A. H. S. in a quest for knowledge. Some were unable to continue the journey, and the numbers dwindled. But we were not disheartened. Our guide was Alfred Makins, assisted by Harry Leonard, Gwendolyn Romine, and Herbert Meuli. Early in its career as pioneers, the class demon- strated unusual scholastic, literary, and athletic ability. The second year was one of greater success and achievement. Under the direction of Dean Issitt and his assistants, Gwendolyn Romine, Margaret Whitehair, and Herbert Meuli, we gained speed. As we journeyed, we came upon precious treas- ures-the golden beauty of companionship anfd sportsmanship, the glitter of the silver of talent and knowledge. Having now struggled on for two years in the forests of darkness, and having aceomplisl.ed to some degree the task of clearing this wooded thick- et for future settlement, we set up a new govern- ment, headed by Margaret Whitehair, whose aides- de-camp were Alfred Makins, Hazel W'e.er. and Herbert Meuli. One of the outstanding events of this, our third year, was the presentation of the junior play, Her Friend the King, in which elev- en of our number took part. The play was directed by Miss Esther Christmore, and was received by an attentive audience, whose hearty applause proved that the production was a success. The paramount social event was the junior-Senior Re- ception, carried out in the theme of a circus. On class night a clever stunt was presented. At last have we sighted the clearing ahead. With the ultimate aim in view, we turn back for a few moments the pages of time to recall memories, both sad and gay, of our experiences through four years of travel, during which time we have penetrated hitherto-unexplored lands, and have become wiser- better fitted for the future that awaits us. VVe were guided to the close by Margaret Whitehair, Alfred Makins, Hazel Weber, and Herbert Meuli. The three-act comedy, Seven Chances, with a large cast directed by Miss Christmore, was pro- duced to an enthusiastic audience. The crowning event was our entertainment at the reception by the junior class on May 4. With that we felt that our high school days had been brought almost to a close, and as we make our exit from the portals of A. H. S., we turn with sad hearts to bid our dear Alma Mater a fond adieu. Class Will PON BEHALF OF MY CLIENT, the class of 1934, of Abilene High School, of the City of Abilene, County of Dickinson, State of Kan- sas, United States of America, I have called you to- gether upon this solemn and serious occasion, to listen to her last VVill and Testament, and to re- ceive from her dying hand the few gifts she has to bestow in her last moments. These are her decisions, as at last definitely ar- rived at through very deliberate consideration. She hereby gives the following items into your posses- sion, praying that you will accept them as a sacred trust from one who has gone before. Listen my children-whoa-I mean-listen then, one and all, while I read the document as duly drawn up and sworn to: We, the class of 1934, being about to pass out of this sphere of education in full possession of a cram- med mind, well trained memory, and almost super- human understanding, do make and publish this, our last Will and Testament. ITEMS: To the whole school we leave our bull-headed- ness, dumbness, laziness, wise-cracks, and ability to skip school without being caught. We give and bequeath to our dear faculty a few days and nights of peaceg no longer do they have to worry over whether or not students have their lessons. To the juniors we leave our desire to learn physics, and our art of cheating on history quizzes. To the sophomores we leave our iron hand over the freshies and hope they won't hurt them -much-next year. To the freshies we leave the A's and the hon- or roll and our ultra-smartness. QP. S. Don't wait to long for these, freshmen.j QContinued on page 315 '