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' " FLASI-IHIIIGHT
sldes, we am got that much t1me I bet they starve Carouso a couple o weeks before one of hrs
Sure, but th1s donkey has got a ta1l, and tw1st1ng lt w1ll serve just as well as th dretmg trlck
You gotta adm1t shes a class above Carouso there as an opera s1nger
We went out 1nto the yard, and Os set up hrs machme I chmbed up rn a tree, two degrees
out of reach of Asbestoss rear extremltles KI had a sort of premomtlon she would ralse more
than a vocal protest to the cr1me we were medltatmgl
You klck old bossy over there 1n the rlbs at the end of each stanza Os, and let her co
ln on the refram
Everythlng was ready, and I gav a generous twlst to the donkeys tall and Os set the ma
chme golng Asbestos gave a long, soulful outburst, fully Justlfymg our tw1n sextette expecta
tlons, and started at hlgh C and went clean through the alphabet l kept tw1st1ng the tall, and
every once ln a whlle old bossy would come 1n ln obedlence to some gentle persuas1on from
Oswald, unt1l flnally we filled the dlsc The poor old donkeys tall looked llke the tw1n brother
to a coll sprmg, and her face wore an expr SSIOH of noble rndxgmty at our ungentlemanly treat
ment Nor would she become reconcrled upon my humble presentatlon of a double portion of
I pasted a red label on the record and we named lt the Medulla Oblongata Os sllpped
ll mto a p1le of records that were to be played the next ttme
Our chance came sooner than we expected Our dear and well loved muse teacher was
slck on one of her days, and the S ar Qpangled Banner got sllghted because the phonograph
alnt a b1t patrlotxc and could play How She Shakes Her Knees before the m1n1ster wlthout
blushmg Mr Dudley pushed out the old Vlctrola and started playlng F1rst were a couple of
operatrc PICCCS by Gutta Purcha and Douglas Farrbanks They were red seal records and there
fore awful Next came the Medulla Oblongata Its red seal and dlgI11fl8Cl name won Mr Dudley s
1n hls chalr, closed hls eyes and placmg a look of eccleslastlcal bllss on h1s noble countenance
prepared to enjoy the donkey record to the utmost
B1ll I have been studymg Engllsh pretty nearly all my l1fe and Latln about four or five
weeks, and I w1sh to say rlght here that there alnt no adjectlve ln e1th r one of those languages
thats near strong enough to express my 0pll'llOIl of that record For a few moments I felt con
sclence strlcken for 1nfl1ct1ng It on my fellow students, they must have suffered somethlng awful
When the thlng was f1n1shed Mr Dudley got up The subl1m1ty of the thmg rendered hum
speechless for a moment but flnally he spoke slowly
That, ln my op1n1on, IS one of the grand st P18069 of Hlndu olchestra ever lnvented I
IS wonderful, subl1me It IS a selectlon that every one of you should play every mormng before
breakfast unt1l you can appreclate IIS great beauty Sometlmes I thmk a person must be born
to apprecrate a plece lrke that Whlle I was srttmg there w1th my eyes closed and the sordld
outslde world shut from my v1ew I dreamed I saw lrttle blrdtes smgmg and the butterflles mak
mg butter and the wmd rustlmg the housetops Ill play It aga1n and you can see what you can
He put the thlng on agaln and I closed my radlum orbs and lmagmed I was parked under
a plle drlver ln N0 mans land durmg the mam argument
,lust then a bunch of cops wlth shotguns burst lnto the room
Wheres the figh "
Mr Dudley looked at them p1ty1ngly
Why you scoundrelly lowbrows, thats one the greatest peces of Hmdu orchestra ever
recorded How dare you msult such art'7'
.lust then the bell rang, and all the students ran Joyfully to thelr lessons fjust l1ke they
always dol Last thmg I heard, the cops Sald somethmg about arrestlng Mr Dudley for dlsturb
mg the peace or cruelty to ammals
Well Blll I guess you re gettlng tlred of my chlrography fthough I do wrrte a pretty falr
hand on the IYPCWIIICTI, so guess Ill close
KING RICHARD COEUR DE LIONE
P S It must have gotten out somehow cause the Vxctor company has be n ch smg me for the
last week trylng to get me to make them some donkey records
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respect immediately, and after he had put it on and started the machine running, he sat down
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