Abbott High School - Blue and Gold Yearbook (Elgin, IL)

 - Class of 1934

Page 42 of 48


Abbott High School - Blue and Gold Yearbook (Elgin, IL) online yearbook collection, 1934 Edition, Page 42
Page 42

Text from page 42:

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The BLUE and GOLD Old Umbrella Man: "I-Iow's busi- ness ?" Scissors Grinder: "Fine, I've never seen things so dull." Restaurateur Kto applicant for a positionlz You say you have experi- ence? Ex-Convict: Yessir, I've been serving for the last ten years. If a horse falls into your bathtub, pull the plug out. THE INEVITABLE END Although he covets it from birth, And covets it through life's brief span, Man never, never get the earth, It is the earth that get the man. A sparrow perched on a golf-ball just as the player was about 'to drive. Birds instinctively know the safest place in a moment of danger. Cop: "Hey, what are you trying to do?" Man: "I'm trying to pull this lamp off the bridge, My wife, wants a bridge lamp. Someone has said, "There is no difficulty in this world that cannot be overcome." Wonder if he has ever tried putting toothpaste back into the tube? NOT A PATENT MEDICINE History Lecturer: "Can any of you tell me what makes the Tower of Pisa lean?" Corpulent Lady: "I don't know or I'd take some myself." WHEW. 'fAt least once in my life I was glad to be down and out." "And when was that?" "After my first trip in an air- plane. The pilot flew upside down most of the time." HIS ADDRESS "Do you know Lincoln's Gettys- burg address?" "No: but in Washington it was the White House." Orlando: "Yep, I built this radio set all by myself, Bill." Bill: "I believe it, she whistles for every station!" A man was hogging his son on his knee, when the young one bit him. The father said: "What are you biting me for?" The son re- plied: "Who beginned this war 'I" CIIATTEB Father: "And there, son, I have told you the story of your daddy and the Great War." Son: "Yes, daddy, but what did they need all the other soldiers or." Brown: "What will you give me for my daughter's piano?" Naybor: "S500.00, sawed, split and delivered." A REVISED VERSION "Twinkle, twinkle, little star," the nursery rhyme so familiar to everybody, has been revised by a committee of eminent scholars with the following result: Shine with irregular, intermitted light, sparkle at intervals, dimin- utive, luminous, heavenly body, How I conjecture, with surprise, not unmixed with uncertainty, what you are, Located, apparently, at such a re- mote distance from and at- a height so vastly superior to thi earth, the planet we inhibit. Similar in general appearance and refractory powers to the precious primitive octahedron crystal of pure carbon, set in the aerial re- gions surrounding the earth. REASON T0 CRY Little boy: Papa, there's an old man standing on the corner hold- ing out his basket and crying. Please give me a dime for him. Unsuspecting Dad: Here you are, son. What's he crying about? Little Boy: Balloons: Nice bal- loons, three for a dime. THEY COUl.DN'T BE WRITTEN In penmanship class one pupil had failed to have his work done for several days. The instructor told him that as a penalty he would have to write a composition of 250 words to be read in class the fol- lowing day. This is what he wrote: "Last summer my uncle pur- chased a second-hand car, with which he started a trip out West. On his second day out it rained very hard and on a lonely road the car stoppedg, the other 215 words are what my uncle said trying to get that car to go." A 'lawyer, pleading the case of an infant plaintiff, took the child, suifused with tears, in his arms and presented it to the jury. This had a great effect till the opposite lawyer asked what made him cry. "He pinched me," answered the little innocent. OTHERWISE ENGAGED Cohen and Macpherson were matched, and at the sixth the lat- ter drove a beautiful ball straight up the fairway. Cohen followed, but went into the rough. After smiting about wildly he managed to get clear. "Hoo many?" queried the Scots- man. "Three," replied Cohen. "Why, I counted ten masell" roared Mac. "Vas it my fault if I had to kill a grass snake?" asked the resource- ful Cohen. BARNYARD CI-IATTER Poland China: What's that ban- tarri' rooster strutting about now for. Razorback: Didn't you see the boss's plane take off? Well, he thinks he chased it away. KNEW HIS GEOGRAPHY "Yes, stamp collecting is educa- tional," said the fond mother to the visitor. "For instance, where is Hungary, son?" Without looking up from his stamp book the young philatelist answered promptly, "Two pages in front of Italy." KNEW QUARTS BETTER Pedagog: Name the constituents of quarts. His Father's Son: Pints. HIS VERSION New Yorker: Where do you live? Boy: Minute Street. "Never heard of it before." "Well, other people call it Sixty- second Street." TOO MUCH COMPETITION Mrs. Newly-Rich was recounting to an acquaintance the thrilling events of the night before, when the house had been burgled. "As a matter of fact," she said, "we were eating our soup-" "Then of course," interrupted the candid friend, "none of you heard anything." Miss Fedow: Kitty, this meat tastes queer. Student: That's funny. I admit I burnt it: but I applied unguentine immediately. TRANSLATION "Name?" queried the immigration official. "Sneeze," the Chinese replied proudly. The official looked hard at him. "Is that your Chinese name?" he asked. "No, English name," the oriental said blandly. "Then let's have your native name." "Ah Choo," said the Chinese. NO SLEUTHING NEEDED "How did you find the weather while you were away ?" "Just went outside and there it was." Wouldn't it be funny if: Mr. Myers wore a beard? Miss Barlow forgot her earrings? Clarence Nicholson went with anyone by Evelyn Ramm? Mary Day palled with the same fellow for two weeks? "Bobby" Miller appeared at school with a bad disposi- tion? Mr. Winn would wear green cap and mittens next winter? Mr. McLean came to school without a car full of girls? Dick Juby went to band contests with anyone but Crary's? Dorothy I-Ieltzel flunked all four subjects? Irene Solyom wore long curls? No cars from Elgin High School were seen in front of Abbott School at noon hour? Bethryn Foltz forgot how to play the piano? Dorothy Sechrist didn't have five boys on the string? l33l Frances McCarthy wore small shoes? Clark McCornack didn't meet Dorothy Larson between periods? Wilcke Lou Hicks didn't try to show off? Dick Fink drove a car to school? Mildred Yates were seen at the store room not sur- rounded by students? Miss Taylor didn't make the annual a success? Evelyn Ramm were a blonde? Certain boys didn't like snakes? Miss Fedou's girls couldn't make delicious pies? We weren't proud of our band and orchestra? Mr. Miller were ungracious? Miss Geister taught -manual training? Marge Knuth weren't busy? Ralph Day were elected May Queen? No one wanted vacation to come? Anyone found out who wrote this?

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