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Page 47 text:
The Informer Vol. 51 JUNE 4, 1961 No. 51 News Of The Week In Review A tragedy occurred when skier Batchelder started a giant avalanche after having run over her ski instruc- tors Marble and St. John. The av- alanche injured Ellen Chaplin and buried Young and Wallace, who are still missing. It is our opinion that these last two simply forgot to come out from under. Sally Dower is hiking up to the rescue. Another unfortunate happening: an amnesia victim, identified as Marcia Crane, was discovered lying on Sandy Beach by beachcomber Jenckes. She is under psychopathic observation by Dr. Gwen Barritigton. Chief of Policewomen Bergh had a difficult time breaking up the street riot started by wrestling champion Kimball and her rough and ready as- sociates, Mugsy Eccles and Muscles Whitthall. Due to the increasing number of people going crazy as a result of their playing, Bissell, Emmons, and Swen- son have been deported to the Fiji islands with their ukuleles. Scandal! A fire raging through the " Hawaiian Lei Club " was started by Jill Dickson ' s carelessly thrown cig- arette butt, which burned sultry hula dancer Holden ' s grass skirt. The Cultural Horizon Barbara Gibson ' s three-page book, " The Status Of Quo " received the Nobel Prize for Brevity. A new issue of " Stimulating Love Magazine " with stories by Chase, Finger, and J. A. Smith has just come out. As usual, Slysz and Daugherty received first editions. Critics highly acclaimed Colburn ' s newest Dixieland masterpiece. A must for every home! Nielson ' s " Abridged French-Latin Dictionary. " Milestones Dr. Joan Morrison, leading ob- stetrician, presided at the arrival of Barb Wood ' s fifth papoose. Hall and Reifsnyder are finally driving their own stock cars. They participated in their first race last week, tying for last place. Mason and Warner rediscovered the mouth of the St. Lawrence and were warmly welcomed by the natives of that region. " Mercury " Kimberly, a runner as speedy as her namesake, was so anxious to soak up that California sunshine that she ran the 3000-mile stretch at the breakneck speed of £00 miles per hour. Spotlight on Glamour Bedraggled and worn, Hummel and Habsburg staggered into the golden realms of Hollywood. Since then, they have been frequenting filmdom ' s soda fountains hoping to be second Lana Turners. Scintillating Joan Barnard has become the new and devastating Dag- mar of television. Her success can be largely attributed to the inspiration of her manager Nancy Allen. Eyes popped and teeth dropped when models Nesbit, Randall, and Grieco slinked by the judges ' stand in their revolutionary Bikinis, which won the prize for brevity. Creators McCon- nel and Bovard had been slaving feverishly for months, to fini sh their chefs-d ' oeuvre. The new designs hit an all-time low. Interesting People Swedish masseur Mercer had a difficult time relaxing Diplomat Pa- lacios, who had had a hard day nego- tiating a treaty on the much-disputed cream puff tariff. There was much opposition in the Senate to this Venezuelan proposal. In bombastic blasts, " silver-tongued " Senator Dris- coll broke all filibustering records in opposition. The contest between champion bubble blowers Teasdale and Silver is still waxing strong. Their mutual Abbot training has rendered them far superior to all other contestants. The result remains unpredictable. The new P. and S. Smith nursery school seems to be flourishing with M. M. Wheeler as its prize pupil. Competition for the position of assistant to Miss Roth is daily grow- ing keener. Until last week, Taylor and Lane had been far in the lead, but the entry of a new prospect, Fay White, has upset all speculations. Need relaxation? Bring the whole family! See Pretzel Massie — famed contortionist. Proceeds will go to Hindman. The Christian World Felicitations to Alison Faulk in the fulfillment of her vocation in becoming a missionary to alleviate the misery and ignorance of the South African Pygmies. The focal point of the na- tives ' cultural development is daily instruction in the shag by Frances Russell. A delightful bean supper sponsored by the Woman ' s Council of Churches was held the other night. The council is to be commended for its note- worthy spreading of good will in the community under the leadership of the Misses Paradise, FuTst and Love- joy. Our noted humanitarian, Nancy Farrar, is finding it difficult to decide whether her calling lies in the South African mission or here at home with the Woman ' s Council of Churches. 
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