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Page 43 text:
tions-1965A.D. There is a pause between pro grams while Chiquita Olney sings, " Apply Appell ' s Appealing Shampoo for an appalling appearance. " And now the broadcast is switched to the scene of the Annual Animal show just in time to hear that Joan Oven ' s gorgeous golden Guernsey has won the National Cow Cup. In the canine section, Sally Nesbitt ' s champion cockers missed first prize because of fugitives from Espaillat ' s flea circus. The blue ribbon for mis- cellaneous creatures was awarded to Marshall ' s wonderful worms, and the prize for the most plen- tiful animal to Jo Parks, guardian of the Valley of the Shmoon. Another news flash comes in that Pendleton has just been appointed Secretary of the Navy by President Hamby, and Herrera has been appointed Decorator of the Interior. The next program is " The Adventures of Madame Bonzo Je tiers, " who has been in a trance for six days while singing her theme song, " Be- witched, Bothered, and Bewildered. " It is rumored that the purpose of the trance is to solve the problem of Jan Woodward ' s male harem which increases at an alarming rate every time she goes to Boston. The program is interrupted by an emergency call for Dr. Newhall, famous psychi- atrist, to look into the sad case of the great natu- ralist Mazie Mansfield, who has gone berserk look- ing for four-leaf clovers. Now comes " The Scientific Hour, " sponsored by Stevens ' Terrific Telescope Polish. The main speaker is Deborah Williams, professor of Physics at Cornell, who makes public the new theory of Perpetual Motion just discovered by her assistant, Joan Gallagher. The next speaker is Professor Jordan who discusses her recent debate with Einstein on the theorv of Relativitv. She attributes her success to Wadleigh ' s great book, " Win Your Point or Die. " Trainer Jane Noss reports that her protegee Daring Dartty has made a record high jump to the unknown planet Velveeta, where she met Woolver- ton, the hermit, who has been missing for the past decade. 
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Coming Attrac In the jungles of Africa, the Rev. Brown is preaching the gospel. while her assistant, Camilla Titcomb, is leading the cannibal choir in " Onward Christian Soldiers. " In the wilds of northern Canada, Libby Merrick is sitting on a pile of snow knitting socks to send to President Massie of Hindman University. In Russia, Wendv Scottski is being awarded the year ' s motherhood medal. while Bunny Wyckoff is still waiting for a letter. In Washington. Jo West, having tripped over her crutch in anxiety to view the inauguration of the first woman president. Barbara Hamby. is in the hospital tended by Jo Hall and Mercy Barnes, while Zipper Pierce draws pictures of her injuries. As thev all at the same time turn on their radios, there float around the world the strains of Bogardus ' Country Slickers playing selections from the four B ' s (Brahms. Beethoven. Bach and Backes.) The program is interrupted by a news flash that the U.N. assemblv room was destroyed by fire. Among the missing is Rep. Asirvatham who was 32 years old. while Reps. Davis and Gonzales escaped unhurt. They had been debating over whom to elect President of the world. A sports announcer now reports on the success- ful season of the Yale football team, coached by Eli Bozvan. and today ' s game between the Boston Red Sox (under the management of Birdie Dow) and the Boston Braves. The umpire was Joan W ' Webster, mother of eight of the Braves. The Braves won, 59-0. The Metro-Goldwyn-Black theatre of the air now comes on sponsored by Behre ' s new-method, hand-knit Argyles, and starring Ingrid Bronaugh and Hedy Quigg. Faith Johnson, editor of Life magazine, will criticize. Reports from Atlantic City come through announcing that the Miss America title has been won by Sally Gibbs, Miss Cranberry Bog of 19( .3. Present at the contest was the New York socialite, Mrs. Honor Astor, dressed in a bluish-black blanket by Bleecker, made famous by the exotic Paris- ian model. Sharon Purviance. 
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