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Page 74 text:
The Abbot Circle 19 2 8 n Cssap on Jfflan (With humblest apologies to S. H. P., Columbia Jester). Generally speaking men may be divided into three classes, husbands, bachelors and widowers. An eligible bachelor is a mass of obstinacy entirely surrounded by suspicion; husbands are of three classes : prizes, surprizes and consolation prizes. Making a husband out of any man is one of the highest plastic arts known to civilization. It requires science, the skill of sculpturing, common sense, faith, hope and charity. Perhaps travel makes one cynical; at any rate, I write this having come to the conclusion that man is too inconsistent to be pleased in any way. Lest anyone should take exception to this, I should like to present some of the dilemmas in which woman finds herself. If you flatter a man you frighten him to death, and if you don ' t you bore him; and if you permit him to make love to you he gets tired of you in the end and if you don ' t he gets tired of you in the beginning. If you believe him in everything you soon cease to interest him, and if you argue with him in everything you soon cease to charm him; if you believe all he tells you he thinks you are a fool, and if you don ' t he thinks you are a cynic. If you wear gay clothes, rouge and a startling hat he hesi- tates to take you out, and if you wear a little brown cloche and a tailor-made suit he takes you out and stares all evening at a woman in gay colours, rouge and a startling hat. If you join him in his gaieties and approve him in his smoking he says you have no interest in his welfare, and if you don ' t he vows you are making his life unbearab le. If you are a clinging vine type, he doubts whether you have a heart at all, if you are silly he begs for a bright mate, and if you are brilliant and intellectual he longs for a playmate. If you are popular with other men he is jealous, and if you are not he hesitates to marry a wall flower. Such inconsistency cannot be pleased! Miss Mason: " What is the word from Ann? " (As Kay got it " What is the word for man? " ' ) Kay Adams: " French or Latin, Miss Mason? " 64
Page 73 text:
The Abbot C i r c I 19 2 8 QDfje toful ®rutl) Name Favorite Saying Notoriety Probable End LEECH " If music be the food of love " — Being hostess Galli Curci NIVISON That ' s not right Clothes Reading palms PARET My dear, I ' m so thrilled Crushes Slapstick comedy PIPER Hey,Jarman, quit tickling! Dancing Mrs. Astor QUIN Quite distinctive Eyes Marquise RIPLEY Gee, that ' s great Cold tubs Playing in a Jazz orchestra ROSS I ' m just about at the end of my rope Appetite Second Eleanora Sears RUNDLETT Wha ' fo ' ? Red Matron of a Reform School RYAN At Kent — Making breaks English teacher SCHUH Ho w about that Her roommate Summa Cum Laude SLOPER My land Length Doughnut Expert SMITH Who do you think you are? Mrs. As tor? Tea Dance Chemist SNELL No, the Mail ' s not up! Her Sailor boy Missionary SWIHART Will the meeting please come to order? Being Suffocated President of the United States TALCOTT My dear Accent Forgetting her diploma VAIL Y ' know what I mean • Nose and ears Editor of Cosmopoli- WENTWORTH Oh Boy Dancing tan Jazz orchestra WILLAUER It ' s a honey Princeton Pounce Champion WHITNEY Oh go-osh Her room Author of a new language 63
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