University of Texas Austin - Cactus Yearbook (Austin, TX)

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We ' ve ool the front of the hook cheated to death- Tlie space at the left was reserved for a crack about the I.amhda Chi Alpha Fraternity. We have determined not to make a crack about the Lambda Chi Alpha Fra- ternity-, because we feel that the Lambda Chi Alpha Fra- ternit ' has ceased to be a campus joke and has become a campus problem. Among remarks of uninteresting people about other uninteresting people during the year are the following — Marion Ball (contemplating a back view of Lucille Benson) He! He! She certainly has lots of Elinor Glyn ' s It. Bess Tobin (during Cactus Sales campaign)— TTV sure got a dirty deal; they sent me and Babe to the Beta house. Elizabeth Hudspeth (on being asked by a Deke for a date on the following night, and having granted it, and being further asked by the same person, if it were not true that she had made another previous date for the following night)— 77 fix it. (The other party was also a Deke.) Marion Bone (early in rush week, when Simona Wofford was weeping wretchedly in the living room of the Pie Fie house, and a number of people being present someone inquired the cause). Oh, the poor little thing; she ' s crying ' cause she ' s lost her popularity. Bill Elkins (any time to anybody)— -Gim me a ring sometime. Dinner Hour With the Sigma Chis Pag ' 393

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» CGhe CigijCtw t025l)g 3Z S CAMPUS TYPES The Politician T he politician is the man who always happens to remember you about the time of the spring elections. He walks up and suavely says to you: Well, old man, I haven ' t seen you for quite awhile, where do you keep your- self? Mustn ' t stick too close to those books (ha,hal). Then he gets con- fidential, takes your hand in his, places the other on your shoulder and pro- ceeds to mention very seriously and with great impressiveness — By the way, old fellow, a number of my friends want me to run for office, and I ' m count- ing on you to support me for all you ' re worth. I ' m not seeking this for my- self, but since my friends are anxious I should have it, I ' m making the run to please them. Others of this type are: Edwin Taegel and Carl Webb. The Athlete He is the man who is brought into the living room of the fraternity house during rush week to ?how off his big T and crushingly greet the rushees. At other times he is kept in the attic studying Culture and Self-Improvement, Clothes and How to Wear Them — during his first two years. By this time he has been sufficiently trained so that he doesn ' t break the furniture when he sits down, bend the knives and forks or wear his hat at the table. He doesn ' t know anything about Complexes, Intellectual Emancipation, or the Decameron, and he doesn ' t give a damn. Because of his ability to throw things around, including the first person singular of the personal pronoun, he is always sure to Get By. This last brings forth from us the presentation of another of this type — Stewart Wright, who is so aptly nicknamed Stud. The Actor Among the actors about the place we have, in addition to the appendage at the left, Mr. Charles E. Ward, the E standing for etiquette. Although he has never been on any stage, Mr. Ward ' s ever ' gesture is worthy a Barrymore. The actor is the man who can turn a simple remark about the weather into a dramatic incident of touching nature and far-reaching consequences. He is invariably seen on the campus deep in thought, his lips moving slightly, while he chuckles amusedly to himself about the nasty way Hamlet gets back at the king in the fifth act. Upon a chance encounter, he greets you thus: What ho, Horatio? Aha, the guard! Whither away, fair young sir, on this sprightly morn dost trip so lightly? Methinks there lurks an air of mischief in those glistening eyes. What — wouldst be on thy way to the Library? Tarry a bit and I will even join you. Page 302

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I I It I hccactM. to g THE ILLITERATI — as they would do it if they did! AL HALE, JENTIL SPRING! By Annejo Mattison Swete Aprul showerz, swete budding flowers, Bananas is not so gay az me; ' Cause in the spring, I sit in bowerz. Just sit and stare, reel lazeelie. The burdlets in the treelet tops, The fishes in the running brooks. And boys and clocks, they each one stops ' hen thev receive my looks. ODE ON THE MAIN BUILDING By Marion Bone Our cute main building! Oh how I adore you With your prescioiis gilding. Sweet moss-covered hue, Your darling old bricks Are simply a love. But they know naughty tricks And mav fall from above. EULOGY ON MARION BALL Stookie Allen Well, I ' m not a poet, so it ' s hard to begin; I ' m only a soldier — one of Marion ' s men; But I ain ' t cheap, or a lazy skate, I finally rated, though it ivas rather late — You bimbos listen or I ' ll bust your dome, I ' d walk on my ears from Frisco to Nome Just to tie up Red ' s shoe-string. — And, say, for a smile I ' d neck Sonny Boy Newell, or Setty awhile. Oh, what a swell love-light that glows in her eyes! Hot Dogs and Tamales, Sweet Eskimo Pies! V WHAT ' S IN A NAME? By DeWitt Reddick for the 4,500, as Mr. George Jean Nathan has done it elsewhere. A Rose by any other name might smell as sweet; but would it? And about people and their names — Could you ever pronounce Sneed Levy, or Francis Ethel Wipff, without an uncomfort- able sensation of having made a face at someone? The one is a sneer, the other — a sneeze. One can expect nothing from a person exulting in such atrocities as Joey JoUey, Mortimer Irion, or Nono Schutze. These are bad enough, but can you imagine: Alf Elliot Crossing the Delaware, or — The Last Words of Arno Nowotnv— I regret that I have but one life to give for my coun- try. Would it be possible for you to say — I sweah I love you trulic, Harriet Elizabeth Saint Guilham. You would not be disturbed by emotion, but would die of exhaustion. Mortimer Sprague owes much to the pierson who first called him Bud. (Under those conditions, I accept your apology-, George.)