University of Texas Austin - Cactus Yearbook (Austin, TX)

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CHRONIC HYSTERICS OF THE FRESHMAN CLASS. Think of your favorite dentifrice ; picture to yourself a page advertise- ment of the same ; eHminate the inessential ; the result will be a set of teeth. Now put a narrow border of features around them, affix a mustache and pair of spectacles, and if you think strenuously you will be able to identify your creation. Think of the lips as being drawn, for as he walked over the fragments of glass on the floor of the Freshman Chemical Laboratory, and approached a pale proud young man, his lips were spasmodically drawn toward each otlier, until his gums were almost completely veiled from view. Sir, do I address the honored President of the Freshman Class in Medicine? ' ' he asked, timidly. ' T believe you do, sir, answered the stripling, but come over here where we can talk better ; and he drew him into a little alcove in the laboratory. I hope sir, you will overlook my presumption in seeking this interview without any Icttcr-d ' audience, ventured the portly stranger, ' T am just from Washington, where I left my cabinet in coming to see you concerning a r.iatter of importance. I beg your forgiveness. Oh, don ' t bother, responded the younger man. ' T know photo- graphs are the thing now. and Fd like your cabinet if you ' d brought it along. I knew you, however, by your dental endowments. But away with this formality : let ' s not talk like parrots in polysyllables ; when no one ' s around, make free to address me as your equal, for we are fellow presidents. How relieved I am! ejaculated the man with the glasses, all right! To the point ! Knowing that not failure but low aim is crime, I want to secure membership in your class ' for my boy. How is the young man prepared? He has had some biology and some anatomy. Do you suppose. asked the young man, that he could tell a scope from a carpet bag? or would he recognize it if he met a tarsus in the middle of the road ? —134—

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tmmm » 1 »T i m J ifi FRESHM FRESHMAN MEDICINE.

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Really, answered the visitor, I can ' t tell; but I have a catalog of his school out in my carriage. If you will be so kind as to ring for a faculty- man,, I ' ll send after it. Rut, wail. Tell nie who that young man is that has such a fine physique, and whose face shows so nnich. room for expression. ' Why, that ' s big Jones. ' was the reply. And that young gentleman over there talking to the lady that ' s talking to somebody else, is Doc Arons- feldt. Let ' s listen a moment, requested the official from afar. Who is Sally, by the way? I hear somebody asking what makes Sally so late. Oh, salicylate, you know, is a salt of a metal, you hear them asking also whether the oxide is worth as much as the stearate. Yes, I see now. I ' ve read The Mettle of the Pasture, but what did Eckel mean when he said something about giving Ethel alcohol ? you don ' t really give that stuiT to girls do you ? ' Oh, yes, replied the freshman, we frequently give etlyl alcohol. You do? And the faculty doesn ' t object? Well, I must say it doesn ' t speak Avell for her parents to allow such. You don ' t understand, expostulated the young man. I understand quite enough. insisted the guest — enough to keep ir.y son out of your company. But see here — NOj sir; I have seen all I care to see. ry good ; if it is fruitless to argue with you, I will save my Adam ' s- apple. You might as well, sir. If you argue till vou burst a blood-vessel, your blood will flow in vain. So, good-bye. ' ' Call again. And as he strode out, the freshman heard his ilio-tibial band playing. Historian. MEMBERS. Allen, R. R. Aronsfeld, G. H. Baskett, G. T. Benbow, E. A. Beverly, A. F. Beyer, Herman Bibb, L. B. Bloss, C. M. Bramlette, F. B. Cain. J. H. Clements, E. B Cromwell, Mrs. Duncan, R. A. Dunnan, T. E. Eckel, G. M. Echardt, J. C. Ellis, T. H. Feagin, J. F. Fennell, J. W. Fortenberry, J. C. R. L. A. -135-