University of California Berkeley - Blue and Gold Yearbook (Berkeley, CA)

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152 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA And go and sit upon the grass and eat In Co-ed Canon, and let Bonte slay me. But no. I ' d bleed and spoil this borrowed shirt. A happy thought now agitates my cerebrum ! Eros, come hither ! Eros, quick ! Eros, I say ! (Enter Eros.) Eros. Ah gentle mate, prythee dilate And tell me why this hullabaloo ? Antony. Good fellow, I much want to die, And you shall see me do it, too, So haste away, to Mackin ' s stray, And bring me back a doughnut quick. Eros. No cash have I, how can I buy ? Antony. Go rascal ! get the thing on tick. (Exit Eros,) SCENE VI. The same. Antony. It seems almost an age since Eros went. The agony that racks my soul Equals in violence the torture of an hour ' s Assembly Lecture on Pure Mathematics. Methinks he comes ! (Enter Eros.) But why so green and pale ? Why inward presses he the bottom of his vest ? Speak, I charge thee ! why this change 1 Eros. Room-mate, farewell ! I could not bear To see thy death, and so 1 ate The greater segment of the doughnut there. Farewell to all I love and hate ! No more I ' ll bulldoze, cram, and bum. Forefathers, hail ! Satan, I come ! (Dies.) Antony. Ah ! Eros, thou hast taught me how to die. A third of that there doughnut yet remains ; Come let me clutch thee ! (Picks it up.) Would that thou wert pie ! (Eats.) Death is upon me ! Jingo, what pains ! Rack, pain ; rack, and crack my diaphragm ! Rage, thou dyspeptic hurricanes ! Ye tidal waves of misery o ' er my abdomen sweep ! t.

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THE BLUE AND GOLD 151 Antony. Vanish : or I shall thump thee in the teeth ! Skip to the Club House, ere I bind thee fast and let Patient Octavia plough thy visage up With her prepared nails. (Exit Cleo.) This girl of ours Has sold us worse than ever man sold Powers ! (Exit.) SCENE V. Antony ' s Room. Antony lying on the bed with his face buried in his hands. Knocking. Mard. Antony. Mard. (Enter Mardian.) Kind Sir, my lady bade me bring the news, That she hris shuffled off this mortal coil, And shipped upon a vessel that they tell Discharges cargoes both in Heaven and Hell. Peace, peace, thou chronic ! Thou dost bring The comfort of a board bill or a washer- woman. Yea ! e ' en the consolation of a hist ' ry cinch, The calm assurance of a class assessment, Or soothing words from a subscription man, Are naught before this missive thine. Knave ! why givest thou me taffy ? Good sir, get not upon thine ear ! The words I spoke were but the truth, And Cleopatra long ere this Must be, with wings and raiment nice, Skylarking ' round in Paradise. (Exit Mardian.) Oh agony ! where are thy bounds I Come fiends of wee, with all thy aching hands, And lift the rusty flood gates of my lachrymal glands. Stern Death, extend thy bony fingers, Claw out mine eyes, consign me to my grave, And bid bactyria add and multiply Within the length and breadth of this, my weary body. Thou com ' st not ! Then will I Seek thee as best I may. I want To vacate this, my earthly lodge, at once, And not die hard withal. How shall I end it, then ? Aha, I see the way ! I will get some sandwiches

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THE BLUE AND GOLD 153 O ' errun with bile the glucose of my spleen, And twist my stomach as a kitchen mop. (Looks in the glass.) What, not yet dead ! how can it be 1 The pain continues but the dose was small. Methinks the poison has been neutralized By potent juices from my beastly gall. The Fates forbid that I should die. So I will go and pack up my valise. To Berkeley then, eternally Good bye ! From all thy cares I now will find release. (Exit) SCENE VII. Ladies, Room, South Hall. Cleo. O woe the day that I that paper rolled And gently laid it on my bureau there ! Woe that it should get mixed with those that hold The curling tresses of my sable hair ! (Enter Mardian. ) Mard. Mistress, I have done as thou desired, And told thy Antony that thou wert dead. He acted in a way that made me tired, And also made me wish to punch his head. I left, and came direct to find you here, Except I stopped to play a game of pool, When news was brought me that your lover dear Had suicided like a measly fool. Cleo. Dead ! dead !! O can it be That Antony ' s expired ? That I no more shall see T he man I so admired ? I never knew his love Till Dr. Sternberg ' s lecture, When all the room was dark The rest you can conjecture. Life has no charms for me I ' d welcome Death ' s cold shivers ; It comes, and I am free ! (Calling. ) Rivers ! Rivers ! ! Rivers ! ! ! (Enter Rivers.) Rivers. Who calls me name ! speak quick, I pray ! Ah ! was it you ? As I was a