Lehigh University - Epitome Yearbook (Bethlehem, PA)

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THE SCIENCE OF AVOIDANCE In addition to many academic disciplines at Lehigh, there is one you ' ll never find listed in the catalogue — The Science of Avoidance Mastering avoidance is the key to earning a degree with only a fraction of the effort required of other students. There are several skills of avoidance. Among the major ones are: careful course selection; recycling; setting a schedule (and promptly throwing it out the window), and an unfailing dedication — to everything but work. When choosing courses, there are some guidelines. If greeting the sun is not your thing, register for 8 o ' clock classes only under the following conditions: 1. Tempo- rary insanity; 2. The class is scheduled to meet in Taylor Stadium — your absence won ' t be as conspicuous; 3. The course is entitled Basket Weaving for Non-Majors. Things get nastier when you discover that nearly every required course seems to meet either all at once or, worse yet, on Friday fr om 1 to 4. Those with an affection for pub nights should avoid Fridays altogether, or at least schedule nothing more rigorous than SR 41. Anticipation turns to nausea when freshmen learn that gut courses are not what they seem. Professors being the conscientious souls that they are, a gut is unlikely to remain one for long once the prof, catches on. Should you hear of a course with no exams, no papers and op- tional attendance and dash to sign up, it ' s a sure bet that you (and your 3900 classmates) will be facing three hour- lies, a final, four 20-page papers and assigned seats for attendance. Also, consider the source when choosing your guts. The English major who takes Rocks for Jocks as a gut science course should find plenty of lab material between his ears. True students of avoidance test the outer limits of the grading process by taking advantage of pass fail grading. You can discover that it ' s possible to attend four classes, have a friend turn in your papers and still pass the course. Skillfully used, pass fail can also keep you from joining the Squares Club (your cum becomes smaller when squared). Recycling is an important part of saving our natural environment. It can save your academic environment. One research paper can be used again and again with only minor modifications. The Significance of ' Deep Throat ' will get you through courses in English, Psy- chology, SR, Government, Biology, Marketing and Me- chanical Engineering. To cover more academic fields, you can always collect or trade with friends. Should you be tempted to set a schedule for studying, think of the time it will take you to write it down. You could be doing something more productive, such as reading Hustler. If you really want to avoid studying, there ' s always the main reading room at Linderman. The weeknight social scene centers around there, and it ' s centrally located: halfway between Smugglers ' and Manny ' s. There ' s always a distraction worthy of your time if you ' re serious about avoidance. Think about it: which is more important to your development as a total human being, the details of Napoleon ' s domestic policy or Saran Wrapping a toilet seat? Napoleon would understand. 165

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