University of Kansas - Jayhawker Yearbook (Lawrence, KS)

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Archie surveys the campus THE JAYHAWKER With Profuse Apolo- gies to Don Marquis by CARL SMITH THE boss had never given much credence to Don Marquis ' stories of how he found letters in his typewriter written during the night by Archie the Cockroach, who told Don he accom- plished this seemingly impossible feat by jumping onto the keys from the carriage, but the other morning as the boss entered the Jayhawker office he saw a cockroach scurrying beneath the remains of yester- day ' s cheese sandwich, and a letter on the sheet of paper someone had left in the machine. And so, again with apologies to Don, we give you the views of a cock- roach come in search of higher education. dear boss this registration and enrollment sure tires you out. of course i dont have to do any of it because i dont expect anyone to ask me for a course card but i dont want to miss out on any phase of college life. ive teen kicked about long enough, like i said to mehitable the cat mehitable said she was going to hitch hike out in a few days boss i said to her theres something big and fine in me mehitable and a college education will bring out the best in me but boss i guess theres a lot of them want a education a lot worse than i do. i wouldnt stand in line like that if i had t o go back to foraging for stray scraps in the alleys again. the food around -the sorority houses is sure good. like over at the pi phi house isabel perry always remembers she wants to reduce after she gets her plate and i find i can make a very elegant meal on what is left like that. and thanks for the cheese sandwich only i wish youd take mustard on your cheese, well i guess it must be in accordance with the traditions around here i dont see how you could do such a good job of keeping the fresh- men bewildered unless you did it on purpose, honest boss id go screwey if i had freshman chairmen running me thru the line four or five times and all those convocations and books full of rules and those squirelly guys trying to sell me a kansan. say that lyman field sure is crazy isnt he he sure tickles me. well im so tired from running around register- ing and enrolling i can hardly climb back on the carriage. ill let you know how classes are in a few days. yours ' archie dear boss well mehitable got here a few days ago like i said but shes afraid to come out today, she found a very charming gentleman cat that hung out around the kappa house and yesterday morning she couldnt find him and i told her why surely you dont think they ate him but mehitable says i dont know and now shes hiding over in dyche museum where she feels kind of at home theyve got a second cousin of hers stuffed over there. boss the food isnt as good as it was when i wrote the other letter i guess rush week being over makes a differ- ence huh. i missed my first class because it was on the third floor of fraser. i got there just as they were coming out. i got in the cuff of powell aubreys pants and made it to my next class all right. say i got in a class to day with flossie kehl she sure can ask silly questions. boss are they having a convention at the phi delt house. i was up there this morning and had to flee for my life. they over run the place they would have stepped on me sure, well boss about this food of course i have no complaint it is still better than average but now i dont give a damn whether the foods any good or not. last nite i went over to the phi gam house and just as i walked in somebody was thumbing a bottle of beer and squirted it all over me and i hung around a while and drunk the beer they spilled and later i went down to the kitchen and got in a fight with a rat and fin- ally i went down in the basement and a couple of crickets and me sang songs for a long time and as soon as i get rid of this hangover im going back. yours archie (Continued on page 68)

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OCTOBER, 1935 59 Field day at the state U. or The waver boys at college A Drammer in What We Fondly Hope Someone Will Recognize as the Style of Katherine Dayton by BARBARA BRAMWELL CHARACTERS: Mrs. Pachacamac A spare-looking lady of uncertain age and more uncertain bearing. She is dressed in rich looking clothes which are easily recognizable as the fashion of last year. Her clothes hang on her as if she had recently lost weight. She has evidently been careless for her garments are fraternity-pinned together. She tries nervously to con- ceal this. Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk A lady outwardly of independent bear- ing but in reality a person of quite as politic and fraternal a nature as Mrs. Pachacamac. She is dressed quietly, not to say obscurely. Her gown is of variable fabric, predomi- nantly baby pink and baby blue. She is very weak, but that is to be expected since the birth of her child occurred only last spring. SCENE: A dark stone room belonging to Mrs. Oread-Kayhawk, which, if we were morbid-minded, would look to us like the inside of a tomb. Mrs. Oread-Kayhawk is discovered rocking aimlessly from one side to the other. Mrs. Pachacamac enters, left. In fact, we really didn ' t know whether to put her in the show or not, because we didn ' t think her capable of much action. Mrs. Pachacamac Darling! How are you? I haven ' t seen or heard anything of you for so long. Mrs. Oread-Kajbawk (Hopelessly attempting to rise) I ' m so glad to see you. I haven ' t seen anyone for so long. However did you find me? Mrs. Pachacamac I just followed that Lane winding away from the D. U. house. Mrs. Oread-Kayhau-k (Beaming complacently) Oh, yes! That ' s a new one we put in last spring. Mrs. Pachacamac (Snippily) The D. U. ' s say they had noth- ing to do with its placement. Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk (Soothingly) There, there, dear. At least you ' ve the Wright on your side. Mrs. Pachacamac (Edging into a chair) And how is your dear little son, PSGL, getting along? Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk (Rather worriedly) I really can ' t say. I don ' t have anything to do with him. You know his nurse, Lyman, has complete charge of him. Mrs. Pachacamac (With emphasis) Yes, indeed, I know! Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk But the little dear has grown amazingly. He ' s so big and robust now. Mrs. Pachacamac His nurse is making quite a problem child of him for me. Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk Really? Mrs. Pachacamac Yes. He encourages PSGL to play all over my territory. Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk I didn ' t know that. Why should the little dear play in your territory when he has so much of his own? And yours is so small, too. (Sympathetically) I ' ve heard you ' ve lost so much ground lately. Airs. Pachacamac You have no idea. I ' ve lost so much. Why, just look at me. You can see I ' m using only what I have left over from last year. Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk Yes, and you had so many things planned, didn ' t you ? I hear you needed all the office space available to accommodate your machinery. Mrs. Pachofamac That ' s true. But when I knew the crash was coming I just decided that I ' d help your fair-haired child dear little PSGL ! and give him less work to do. Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk What did you do for him? Mrs. Pachacamac I just okayed some bills that had been lying around for ages (Deprecatingly) You know how slow I always was about bills, anyway. I fixed these up at the last minute so he won ' t have to decorate so many offices. Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk But he wouldn ' t have minded. The darling is young yet, of course, but I think he ' ll get to be as fond of that sort of thing as you are. Mrs. Pachacamac I don ' t doubt that. (Bursting into tears) I ' ve had so much trouble! And PSGL has worried me so! Your son is so hard to get on with! Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk Don ' t be too hard on little PSGL. He ' s Born a lot too, you know. Mrs. Pachacamac So I understand. Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk (Changing the subject) Let me see. How many of the Waver boys are there in college now? Airs. Pachacamac Oh, lots. You really should get out soon and see for yourself. Mrs. Oread-Kayhauk (Doubtfully) We-ell I don ' t know. With little PSGL managing so well Airs. Pachacamac I must be running along. But before I go Here ' s what I came o r er to ask you. Just how long is Field day going to last? (The curtain falls too soon for us to hear Mrs. Oread-Kay- hawk ' s final speech.)

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OCTOBER, 1935 ft PERHAPS this little incident may make clear to some of you why so many of the boys are partial to the lodge of Pi Beta Phi. One morning not so long ago, a group of fellows were returning from a fishing trip and as the fish had been rather scarce, the disciples of Izaak Walton hied themselves into the DeLuxe cafe for a six o ' clock breakfast. No sooner had they seated themselves when in walked another party, not a fishing party this time, but a party of four, one of whom was a stunning blonde Pi Phi who hails within strik- ing distance of the air capital of the world. She was escorted by a tall dark Sig Alph, and well . . . Now freshmen, you will probably realize in a short time many of the advantages that are to be found here in Kansas. Brown ' s Grove on the south, Topeka on the west, State Lake to the north, Kansas City to the east, and last but not least, the Pi Phi house right here on our own beautiful campus. I wonder if I have left anything unsaid? If it wasn ' t for the fact that Charrie Hay, town girl and Kappa pledge, not without Kappa connections, just won ' t keep quiet for a little while and let someone else make a few of the mistakes, her name would positively not appear in print in this column. But good enough cannot be let alone and day by day, Miss Hay is making some kind of a name for herself. It is just the little things such as the little episode following that has made the name of Hay-Hay a college by-word. A few days ago, Sewell Black, Sig pledge, was engaged in conversation with the little girl with the bedroom eyes, when she happened to remark that she had danced the night before with a very dark boy whom she thought to be a Sigma Chi. Naturally, she wanted to know his name. Black, after a long list of names, suggested the name of Fred Taylor, who happens to be a colored Sigma Chi houseman, and much to his surprise found that Fred was the boy. Charrie admitted that she hadn ' t had any dates with him personally, but insisted that several of the other Kappas had, and they all thought he was the ce u test thing. At the date of this writing, Charrie has 17 demerits with only 8 to go before she is ineligible for initiation and has lost only four pledge pins. No doubt she will have to do quite a few little odd jobs around the house be- fore she will be seen sporting one of those pearl studded keys. Dick Hurry Cane from Bartlesville has be- come very Beta conscious during his few short weeks of pledgeship and has proved to be a rather embarrassing factor in the life of a certain Kappa pledge. It ' s an old Beta custom that the pledges of said lodge hold themselves aloof from the common herd, girls included, until they have instilled within themselves that quality which forever marks the wearers of the diamond as a typical Beta. Dick, however, is one of the few to have become aloof enough to coolly remark to a good-looking Kappa that she had best walk on alone as he doesn ' t want to be seen walking with her. Caution ! Dick, George Lemon tried that stunt a few years ago, and you can see where it got him. To the man who can get an invitation to a free night ' s lodging in the Theta house should come a good round of applause. For many moons and for many men, it has been but a dream; but to Jack Sleeper, Fiji of the old night school, it is now a reality. Coming in late one night after a date with Tance Burrow, Jack found himself without a place to rest his aching head. (This was before rush week and the majority of houses were as yet unopened.) Seeing the Burrow car unlocked and unoccupied, he settled there without further search for a cozy place to snooze. A short time after, the Thetas were awakened by a steady blast of the Burrow horn and rushed out to de- termine the source of the commotion. There they found poor Jack, sleeping peacefully with his head on the horn button. The Thetas, being a tender-hearted crew of lasses, sought permission from Mrs. Kay to house the weary boy for the night. And that, my friends, is how Jack Sleeper spent the night, unmolested and safe from harm, on a davenport in the Theta front room. (Continued on page 69) by RIP VAN WINCHELL